REUTERS...
In a surprise development today, Jehovah, the God of the Christian Fundamentalist sect 'Jehovah's Witnesses' made a statement about the recent controversy regarding the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society(WTS) and its NGO status. The 'WTS' has now dissassociated itself from its previous NGO connection but had held such a position for the past 9 years or so. 'I've had enough' said the Diety, 'I just don't know what I am supposed to do with these people.' Over the years the sect has had a strained relationship with the Diety. 'I've been patient over the years........I've put up with the many false predictions they have made ....all in my name I might add....I've put up with the commands, stupid rules and burdens they have placed on the people....but this takes the manna. They have made my position untenable as their God. By associating themselves with the United Nations they have cocked up the whole thing.I was in two minds whether to go along with the 'scarlet coloured beast' prophecy but when they decided to get on the thing as well .... I could not in good conscience destroy all the other world religions for doing the same thing. Having considered all the circumstances I have reluctantly decided that the 'paradise' or 'new system' that they often refer to shall be postponed indefinitely. They have not kept themselves seperate from the world and they have further invalidated the preaching work. In the meantime I propose that they shall wander about in their confused state indefinitely and become a greater laughing stock and public spectacle to the nations.' Shares in the troubled Sect were suspended on the news that its God had effectively disowned them. Market analysts had been predicting for some time that the stock had been overvalued and was ready for a fall. It share value reached a peak shortly before 1975 but ever since they has been a steady decline with some quite dramatic falls of late. Disgruntled shareholders have threatened to demonstrate outside its New York HQ over loss of paradise. Said one unhappy shareholder 'I had all my funds in WTS shares I was looking forward to having my own log cabin, friendly wild animals in paradise and now look what I've got ....nothing. I feel let down and very angry.' Leaders of the Organisation were unavailable for comment but it is widely rumoured that they will try and carry on...even though they know God is not backing them. One inside source commented ' The management team have known for sometime that God has not been behind them so I guess this was not a surprise. They will introduce some 'new light' to keep shareholders happy.' In the past 'new light' has often helped the WTS maintain market share at least in developing countries. One Expert who did not want to be named said, 'WTS 'new light' has and always will be utter crap...don't buy it!'.
ISP