How Important Is It For Both Of You To Have The Same Beliefs?

by The wanderer 15 Replies latest jw friends

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  The wanderer

  How Important Is It For Both Of You To Have The Same Beliefs?

  In the organization, we were encouraged to “marry only in the lord”, because this would
  strengthen and preserve our faith. However, once an individual steps away from that
  belief system the chances of marrying someone who believes exactly as you do falls
  dramatically.

  Does It Become A Matter Of Importance?

  At one time, it was important to marry someone who had the same perspective, viewpoints
  and outlook as we did. Today, however, does it cause conflict if the beliefs are different?
  
  The question remaining is how important is it for both of you to have the same beliefs?

  Respectfully,

  The Wanderer
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  Mum

  If there will be no children, it's possible to take a live-and-let-live attitude.

  If there are children, there needs to be agreement on how they will be reared. It is not right or fair to put children in the middle of an ideological war. If you don't have the same beliefs, it's fine if you are willing to teach your child to accept both parents' beliefs as valid, just different and allow the child to develop and think for himself/herself. It is important to agree on basic values, what is right, wrong, consequences for undesired behaviors, etc.

  Most divorces are caused by financial problems. Beliefs about budgeting, spending allowances, which purchases are necessary, and other money issues are as important as most others.

  Regards,

  SandraC
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  Terry

  Makes me think of the Hans Christian Anderson story about the Emperor's New Clothes.

  One little boy in a crowd of people shouts the truth and the jig is up!

  Delusions must be shared in order to work.
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  compound complex

  Greetings, Wanderer!

  Many of us couples began on the same page, religiously speaking. "Spiritually"? Quite a different matter, I'm afraid. Once one of us realized the glaring errors of doctrine and the hypocrisy of practice, we either had to put up or shut up. Those who departed from the WT - even if only mentally - were regarded as weak or dangerous, even if they were truly spiritual persons, wholly devoted to God and Christ. I know of other JW households wherein there is great anger and dissension because one of the mates has departed from the WT thinking and practice.
  Starting out together as zealous servants of the Society is no guarantee of remaining "in the Lord" [WT version].

  Thank you,

  CoCo
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  Who are you?

  A think that it is safe to say that most "normal" people would prefer to be with someone who actually has a"belief system" that they have developed, as opposed to one that is mandated or borrowed such as the WTS.

  When YOU actually develop your "belief system" based on experience and research, then you are much less likely to impose it on others or let them impose theirs on you. Unlike borrowing from the WTS, it takes effort.

  The longer you hold on to the "belief system" borrowed from the WTS, the longer it will be to discover and define who you really are.
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  The wanderer

  Dear Compound Complex:
  
  I find you to be a polite and classy individual. I
  appreciated the opening salutation and the closing
  commentary (thank you).
  
  Thank you Compound Complex for your thoughts regard-
  ing this subject matter.
  
  Respectfully,
  
  The Wanderer
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  zagor

  I'm usually very tolerant of people's believes, or to paraphrase Voltaire's words "I do not agree with what you believe, but I'll defend to the death your right to believe it "

  but looking back now on numerous experiences I think I would find it very hard living with zealot of any kind whether it is Christian, New Age, or and other "God" forbidden beliefs system under the heavens.

  I don't mind people believing or practicing whatever they like but peculiar thing about believers is that they do not know the difference between informing you about their view and stuffing it down your throat. They believe so much in their version of "truth" and reality as if were living in some parallel universe where different laws of logic apply. So no, I do not think I'd be able to live with a staunch believer anymore.
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  whyamihere

  It's not important, it's easier.

  My husband and I disagree and agree all the time about serious topics - our main thing is to agree to disagree. He is his own person and I shouldn't change his thoughts because we are married.

  I have my opinions and he does his, but we don't compromise on what we believe in. He isn't a JW and leans towards the Agnostic/Atheist belief system( little confused still) . However, I believe in God, more now than when I was a JW. For those who are Atheists, I don't judge you for what you believe in and I never say your "wrong". I could be wrong, who knows. I'm just happy that there are others with different views.

  With our children, we both agreed not to raise them in a religion. We want them to grow up, knowing all sorts of beliefs and customs. Whatever they decide is up to them, but I want them to know what's out there.

  Brooke
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  sammielee24

  Interesting question Wanderer.

  I would have to say that on a deep basic level, it is very important that we have the same beliefs. This would include those things that help you achieve common goals within the parameters of a respectful, honest relationship. Let's use the example of the Society. If I were no longer a JW but my husband were still an Elder, and I knew that part of his obligation that he willingly chose to hold fast to, was harboring a sexual abuser or child molester because of the mandate of the GB, then that would cause a problem. I would be a hypocrite if I were to say that it wouldn't bother me and I had respect for the man - and that would have a crumbling effect most likely in other ways. Now - if he chose to step down as an Elder because he could not carry out mandate like this set down by the GB, yet still chose to attend meetings as a way of filling the spiritual hole he had, then I would certainly work with that. So I would say that for basic, core beliefs, it is important.

  This is a good question to ask because if forces people to sit back and examine themselves from all angles. We can take this question and apply it to many of the fundamental values in our lives. sammieswife.
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  OUTLAW

  Wanderer..At this point in my life.I believe it really helps to be like minded..Or..Conflict is Immanent.....My wife strongly believes in the JW Cult and refuses to think beyond what is presented by the WBT$..We have been split up for years..She and her live-in boyfriend get the Watchtower and Awake regularly from my mom.....I`m going to divorce my wife soon..So she,her boyfriend and my mom can get married..LOL!!...OUTLAW