I really am starting to see JWD as a healing station for broken people.....most pass through and some stay to help others....I also realise I still need it as a crutch at the moment until I fully heal.....hey crazy ....hang in there....onwards and upwards like the rest of us
broken hearted
by crazy 15 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
fifi40
Crazy this is very likely a mad, mad time for him..................leaving the Jws is one thing.........being free of the mind control and brainwashing is another....................for your own sake, and i understand you love him, but you need to step back...........you cannot fix things for him and you must not be his point of blame...............my advice, limited as it is.......................is whilst he is not talking to you, let him be........dont try to force the issue........if he comes back, be frank with him about how you feel but dont let him lay his guilt and problems on you as if its your responsibility...........its not
Take care and be happy (life is too short)
Fi
-
Madame Quixote
"He said he wants to leave his past behind him and blamed me for not letting him . . ."
Are you saying that he just wants to abandon his daughter and is blaming you for not allowing him to do so?
-
crazy
No I am not saying he wants to abandon his daiughter. His daughter is everything to him. I think he is very confused about the fact that she will be brought up as a JW and whether he wants this or not. I think he just wants to leave everything to do with the JWs behind, but I think that his daughter still being in it will make that harder. I think his mum still being JW will make it harder too. She wanted him to go to the Memorial this year, but he didn't.
-
jgnat
He's not anywhere near reconciling what happened to him. He's simply burying all his anguish and taking it out on you.
I also told him how much it hurt me when he asked me to take off the cross I was wearing when we picked up his daughter from her mother's.
If you stay with him, you will have to make these kinds of accommodations. For a Witness, appearances are everything. You can probably get away with this stuff at home, but in the presence of the ex, you are going to have be "perfect". The Witness lifestyle is full of unexpected pitfalls, so there is no way you can know all the rules.
To help him take ownership of this, I suggest you get in the habit of having him give you a once-over before you leave the house to visit a Witness. Ask if there is anything you need to change. If he grumbles later, get angry. He had his chance to speak up, and he didn't. The same applies to your house if a Witness is coming over. HAVE HIM go through the house and hide any offending materials. You shouldn't have to guess what might bother him that day. You do not need to be under a general cloud of dissatisfaction all the time.
He does need to face up to his Witness experience, but he's made it clear he's not ready. Some people never do face it, and live under a cloud of guilt the rest of their lives.
A smart thing for you to do might be to put your relationship on hold until he DOES sort this stuff out. Ask him to look you up after he's read Crisis of Consience by Ray Franz.
-
crazy
Thank you to you all for making me feel welcome and for taking the time to offer your support and advice. I welcome all the comments and certainly have a lot to think about it.