| A Newfie calls up his lawyer and asks. "Wid all them there lawsuits going on, I'm feeling kinda left out. How do I get in on some of that action? I hear that people are suing the cigarette companies 'cause they got cancer, and others are suing the Big Mac Company cause they got themselves fat." His lawyer asks, "And which one of those categories do you fit under?" The Newfie, God bless his soul answers ... "Neider, I just wanna know if I can sue Labatts for all the ugly women I've slept with." |
In need of a Lawyer?
by delilah 4 Replies latest social humour
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delilah
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delilah
here's another joke....
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed
for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien
addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to
your leader."
The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien became angry at
the lack of response and the older alien said, "I'd calm down if I were
you."
The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again,
there was no response.
Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his
ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do
not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!"
The older alien warned his comrade saying, "You don't want to do that! I
don't think you should make him mad."
"Rubbish," replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump
and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared
towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a
burnt, crumpling mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.
About a half hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he
refocused his three eyes and straightened his bent antenna and looked
dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big,
green head.
"What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien. "He damn
near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?"
The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend
and replied, "If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels,
you don't want to mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around himself
twice and then stick it in his ear." -
darth frosty
that last one was superb.
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eclipse
Last one, omg, sooo effing funny! thanks for the great laugh delilah
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free2think
That alien one was so funny, thanks for the laugh delilah.