It feels good not to be under that kind of control anymore

by troubled mind 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  troubled mind

  Did you feel guilty when you missed meetings for no good reason ? Did you feel you had to hide from other witnesses seing you ? How did it make you feel if someone did see you , the next time you saw them did you make-up some excuse ?

  My neice and her husband have been on the fence for several years In fact last year her husband told his family he wasn't sure he wanted to be a witness anymore . When I revealed to them my true feelings , and that I was never going back , it kind of scared them back into activity ...(Can you say Auntie Apostate )..

  Now I think an elder is studying with them .

  Last thursday they stopped by our house to show us their new car . It was a meeting night and they were skipping it. When they got to our door my neice quickly pushed him into the house because another witness was driving by on their way to the Kingdom hall , and she didn't want to be seen ( at MY house ) missing the meeting .

  I just thought to myself " I am so glad not to be that paranoid anymore ,it feels good to be free "
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  whyizit

  I've never been a JW, so from the outside looking in, this all seems so much like a religious group of "tattle-tales". My natural response to something like this would be, "Mind your own business! I'll be there when I want to, and if I want to do something else, it's none of your darn business!"

  How do they train peope to tattle on each other like this? Do some JWs feel bad about telling on their friends?

  I've been reading a book called A Brother's Journey by Richard Pelzer. He is the brother of David Pelzer, who wrote A Child Called IT. It is horrific story of the unspeakable abuse these kids went through. Richard was under the fearful control of his mother. Sometimes when he would have a bad day at school, etc... he would plant a sandwhich in the basement where his brother was kept, and then go tell his mother, just so his brother WOULD get abused. He said that after feeling powerless at school, it gave him a sense of power and control at home. He is very ashamed of it now, but then it didn't seem bad. He knew it kept her scope off of him, his brother was considered a nothing, and it was just the way things were. Until his brother was taken away. Then her scope was set on him.

  Is that what it is like? By telling on someone else, you keep the scope off of yourself? You can dodge bulletts, by making sure the gun is aimed at someone else? And there is a feeling of superiority and control by having that power?

  There has to be something that is a payoff for the person who is doling out this abuse to other members of the congregation.

  I'll be so happy when my friend finally gets her release from this group.
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  unique1

  yeah, I can't believe the number of excuses I gave my parents and the fear of being caught I had. No wonder I developed anxiety disorder. It does feel good to not have to worry about that kind of thing anymore.
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  Nellie

  The WT spin on "tattling" is that you are showing your LOVE for your brother by helping to correct whatever the problem is. And there are guidelines: 1st you are to go to your brother and tell them your concern; if that doesn't fix the problem, you bring another "mature" one with you to assist in correcting them; then if that one still doesn't address the issue, you go to the elders.

  So guys, you see it's not really tattling at all . . . it's love
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  AK - Jeff

  How do you spell relief?

  O-U-T-O-F-B-O-N-D-A-G-E

  Jeff
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  troubled mind

  Why do others tattle on their friends ?

  It is encouraged from youth on up that you are indeed your brothers keeper , and that keeping others on the straight and narrow is your way of 'loving them' .

  If you see someone sin and you don't report it or tell them to turn themselves in ,then you are guilty too .

  This is a high control group make no mistake about it . They break you down and do things to make you want to be accepted . Total obedience to those in the lead is the goal .
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  changeling

  You don't realize what a huge part guilt plays in the religion until you step away. It is defininitely liberating to live w/o the guilt.
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  drew sagan

  I'm only about one year free from the WTS, but I can't even fully remember what it was like to be in that mindset. All of that guilt I felt is now gone and I can't even remember what it was like.
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  sweet pea

  Drew - what a fantastic post - thank you - you give the rest of us hope :-)
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  delilah

  Did you feel guilty when you missed meetings for no good reason ? Did you feel you had to hide from other witnesses seing you ? How did it make you feel if someone did see you , the next time you saw them did you make-up some excuse ?

  All this and then some. That's why I finally quit going. TOO MUCH GUILT FOR NO REASON!!!!

  I don't miss a thing about being at that KH....nothing. It DOES feel good, DAMN GOOD, in fact, to be borg-free.