It was asked of me in chat to post my story here. I had plans to do so.. but wanted to meet everyone in real chat first.
First off... any info i post about myslef will put me at a great disadvantage on these boards.. so if you could please relpy.. tell me your story as well.
ok where to start...
I grew up, like most JW's, in a troubled home. My mother and father were split before i was born. Both are to this day.. raging alcoholics. My father was a little more "stable" with his drinking. My mother on the other hand only got worse. Both remarried after their divorce.
The man my mother remarried was a brilliant and patient man. After being shunned by my real father as being .. "my mothers son" I looked up to this new rolemodel with renewed hope. To this day I continue my relationship with my step father and not my mother... there are reasons for this before you judge me.
When i was 7.. the JW's made their first appearance to our door. Before this i absolutly CANNOT remember any concept of a "god" before that. My mother soaked it in.. and without question we started to attend meetings. My step father was reluctant at first.. but he went because he loved my mother. There was never a time he left her side.
When i was 12 things began to change.. My mothers drug addiction, alcoholism and lack of caring began to shine through. I mean really bad.. we would goto sunday,tuesday,thursday meetings.. but then come home to all night kegers. It was also a time my step father became very active in the KH. My mother drifted away and he grew ever faithful. It was around this time I began to have a real problem with JW's. I watched my stepfather become blind to the actions of my mother... He would always tell me he need 2 witnesses for her cheating on him day in and day out to be true.. he had 1.. me.
Last year he finally decided to divorce her after he saw with his own eyes.15 years in the making.
At 13 i went to live with my real father... the violent drunk fool that he his.. it lasted 3 years.. I moved back into JW realm at 16.
What i moved back into was a complete change.. My mother was disfellowshipped (of which she thought was perfectly OK because she had a drinking problem) My stepfather had become baptised... my sister was.. well my sister=P gotta know her folks she is the best!
My brother had dreams of going to Bethel.
Great!!! I say to myself this family is on somewhat of a track of normalcy. How wrong i was...
At the age of 17 i got my first apartment and dropped out of school. I moved out of required JW attendance. No looking back... no guilt.. no troubles. It was to this day.. my second best decision ever.. my first was asking my wife to marry me.
I have been married for 3 years now to my beautiful wife Amber. I work as an independent investor. I rehab houses and resell them. I have never considered myself a part of this "world" nor have i considered myself any part of any religion. I find it hard to beleive
a kind and caring God would punish me for living good life.
2 years ago my step father found my mother cheating on him. He was heart broken.. he no longer needed 2 withnesses. Last year, he finally announced to my sister and i that he has and always had a problem with JW beliefs. But that we, the children, needed the spiritual guidance. It was the a HUGE mistake on his part.
I no longer keep in contact with my mother.. I cannot take the lies.. and I do not want to be around the drugs she is into. Sorry all. I smoke a nice bowl or 2 myslef and drink a beer.. but i draw the line at any cocaine use or heroine. I WILL not be a part or associated with anything that is PROVEN to kill you.
The guilt and problems i face since being raised JW:
1. biggest struggle i faced was cutting all ties to my mother.. until she can be sober enough to be coherent and truthful, I cannot and will not talk to her. This, for any JW or ex JW is a huge burden to carry.
2. My brother is living in Bethel.. when he visits he drops me off all kinds of literature.. something i thought i was rid of. I struggle wtih the fact that he is taught to not visit me nor the family.. he can visit for a little bit.. but there is ALWAYS an agenda the elders give him when he comes into town.. if he doesn't follow it.. he is "frowned upon"
3. What faith is there when you're first teachings of "god" are utter lies and cultism? I doubt i will ever truly find a firm faith in my lifetime.. no matter how hard you try it's difucult to shed those teachings. My parnets wouldn't let me watch TV.. i had to go to sleep EVERY night with "My Book of Bible Stories" on tape.
These are things i was taught in my formidle years.. even though i've always had questions.. it's what i was raised on.. how do you overcome and shed that? This is my biggest question.. How do I move on?
My second would be.. how the hell do i present these new found facts to my brother? The only one left who hasn't had a chance to read the facts, would it push him further into the faith.. or perhaps plant a seed?
A little experience is what i need folks.. post it here=)
My story,
Peace,
Stash