Do You Approach Disfellowshipped JWs?

R.F.

For those of you ACTIVE JWs, though mentally inactive of course, do you you approach the disfellowshipped?

There was a disfellowshipping announced in my congregation last week and I had the mind to talk to her. There is also a DFed brother that lives on my street. He is a great guy. I see him and his son and daughter in-law out all the time and you can just see the happiness they have, especially between him and his son. By the way his son and wife moved here from another state, came to a couple of meetings and haven't really been back much. They're baptized too. I wonder if they moved here to FADE??

But I want to approach him, but sometimes you don't know how they view that. Some of the DFed still want to uphold WT procedure to 100% strictness.

How do you feel about this?

R.F.

Hortensia

why not be friendly? Although you could get in trouble for it, but if you are on the way out, who cares? I remember when I faded, I was puzzled that some JWs would still talk to me. I thought they were breaking their own rules. Since then of course they have taken a more hard line stance and I got letters from some folks telling me they couldn't talk to me any more. Ah, rules rules rules.

reneeisorym

I have the same questions you have .... I'm not much help.

Dansk

Well, when I was an MS and senior attendant at the hall I had the job of seeing to the DF'd ones being seated! I always smiled at them and, when they were leaving - usually before the meeting ended - I wished them well. I didn't give a hoot for those who liked to air their authority!

Bottom line: follow your gut feeling! If you would like to speak to someone DF'd then do so! You could well make their day - and they yours!

Ian

TIMBOB

I wouldnt say I would go out of my way. But, when I see someone who is DFed. I say hi. I have a friend right now, I still call him every now and then to make sure he is doing ok. I even invited him up(he lives couple hours away) if he ever wanted to hang out.

In my mind, even though I still go to meetings, I beleive DFing is outright WRONG. Yes, I do agree there needs to be disipline. But to shun people, how is that going to encourage anyone?

I'll try to make a long story short.

My sister was DFed when I was about 11. Of course I followed the rules to the T. She was not living with us and so, I basicly never talked to her. It was almost as if I did not have a sister. Anyhow, she was DFed for about a year or longer, then she got the meeting with the elders who told her that she was going to be reinstated. She came to our house on that same day(it was on a sunday), she told us that the announcment was going to be on thursday. We were with out a doubt so overjoyed.

On that wednesday she died(the day before the announcment was supposed to be made). She had taken some headache medicine that had some chemical she was deathly alergic to that she was unaware that was in it. Words can not even begin to say how I felt.

Anyways, a few years later, there was sister that had been DFed had started to come back to the meetings. She had a baby. It was then I began noticing that people were holding her baby for her, even talking to her(just a few words, but still "saying a greeting to her"). All of this was taking place inside the Kingdom Hall. I was pissed. Not about people trying to help her out. It was the fact that all of this was OK. Reasoning being, well she has a baby and needs help. I could not beleive it. A few years ealier I did not so much as say hello to my own flesh and blood. The last year of my sister's life, I missed out on. All because it was against the rules.

From there and then on, I said F*** the rules. I'll talk to whomever I want.

It kind of feels good to talk about this. Thanks for the post and letting me vent a little.

LongHairGal

R.F.

I think the real reason they don't want people speaking to disfellowshipped ones is that they are afraid you will find out that the person is out because something is wrong with the religion. They do not want you to find that out if that is the case.

Instead, they would rather you believe the person is out because they commited immorality. They feel you are less likely to be curious if you think this.

LHG

Bumble Bee

I think it depends on the person. I have several family members that have been DF'd for ages. We never shunned them, and it was no secret either. My brother was DF'd twice, never shunned by us. There were the odd DF'd person at the various halls I attended. I would always offer a smile, a hello etc. Some were uncomfortable with that ( I think it was more that they didn't want *me* to get in trouble talking to them).

Offer a smile, see what happens, then after a few smiles, offer a hello, maybe meet them in the parking lot before they enter the hall to have a brief conversation, and take it from there. It must be extreamly difficult for these ones to attend the KH and be shunned they way they are - I'm not sure I could do it!

BB

pratt1

I am faded so I am not active, but I always talk to those that are DFed.

But sometimes they won't talk to me.

GoingGoingGone

Welcome to the forum, TIMBOB!!

Stick around and vent all you want. It does help just to get it down on paper (or computer screen) sometimes!

GGG

R.F.

TIMBOB, that is truly a sad experience. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I can't imagine you feel about that to this day. I'm sure she had nothing against you all for shunning. Like you said you were just following the rules.

Disfellowshipping makes no sense at all. Someone messes up, so you ignore them and that's considered an act of love. How does that bring a person back to God? It sounds more like the main reason they follow through JW procedure is to have their social life back within the JWs. Some repentance huh?

Do You Approach Disfellowshipped JWs?

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