Ever Got the blame?? (sorry if post is too long)

by sparrow 16 Replies latest jw experiences

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  sparrow

  I have been DF'd for around 4 years and have not got my back up about the org until this year. Only this last year have I been looking around for answers and started realising there is a foundation for my reasons of not going back. At first I was happy that it wasn't because I was making excuses for not going back but bad things were happening outside of the people I know across the org.

  What pissed me off the most (and the reason I found this site) is because I got the blame for my brother in-law having sex in my house with someone other than his wife (my sister) because I am not witness and thus have low standards.

  I'll try to keep this short: I have 2 sisters, one brother and 2 parents (fancy that) both remarried however. Only my sister, mother and father (and his new wife) are still in the "truth". We ALL still talked and hung out with each other and I thought were very close (especially because of what my brother has been through the last couple of years - another disturbing JW story).

  Anyway...recently, my witness sister went to Melbourne for work for a week. At the same time my wife went to the pub with an old friend while I stayed at home as I had to work the next day. They ran into my brother in-law - who was wasted - and my wife responsibly took him home (with his work friend) so they didn't end up being stupid and driving home. That night my wife's friend found her way into my brother in-laws bedroom.

  You can imagine the next week. The result of it all was it came back to me and my "standards" as a non-witness. My sister no longer talks to me as all of a sudden I am a bad influence. I was asleep for god sake before they even got home. I know that the bangers would have played the "it because your associating with a df'd person" and "god hates a divorce" leading to the "it must have been your brothers influence".

  Like I said - I was not pissed off and could tolerate the JW's until this. I have an ex-elder friend in a similar boat, blamed for the corruption of his daughter - who was living with his JW mother at the time - that decided to go Goth and get a little crazy. She is now living with him full time and has actually started to settle down because the father is doing the right thing by her (showing love and understanding - hard concept I know)

  I just get so mad now of the "higher than thou" attitude. I am the same person I was when I was a JW as far as my love for people goes and what I would and wouldn't do. It has nothing to do with being a witness. The reason I got disco'd was because of my empathy for people so don't tell me that I corrupt people because I left...
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  juni

  Sorry to hear that sparrow. They act like a bunch of uncontrolled, paranoid fruit cakes.

  I raised 4 kids to be JWs; thankfully none were baptized. From my experience, raising teenagers in the JW religion is hellish. There is no room for kids making "mistakes" no matter how insignificant the situation is.

  My husband was a MS for many years, but had to step down when two of the boys decided the "truth" wasn't for them. Actually he was happy to be relieved of his "duties".

  With your situation we are talking about consenting adult situations that happened while you were sleeping. But, the mindset is that someone has to take the fall. Just the fact that the deed was done under your roof makes you guilty. Nice, hey? Make sense? No.

  I'm sorry to hear that you are now drug in on a matter - seems like the after shocks of this religion just keep coming.

  Peace be with you and know that you are not alone.

  Juni
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  jibberish

  I just get so mad now of the "higher than thou" attitude. I am the same person I was when I was a JW as far as my love for people goes and what I would and wouldn't do. It has nothing to do with being a witness.

  Exactly how I feel! I am still the person I was before I was Df'd! They just can't see past the cults standards and think because they haven't faultered (YET) that they are soooo much better than me.

  Sorry to hear you are going through this mess! I hope your sister comes to realize one day that her husband most likely would have done it anywhere whether it was your house or not - what if he was at his house and your sister was gone, does that mean it wouldn't or couldn't have happened?! If it was me, I'd wonder if it happened before with someone else. I found out after the fact that while I was out of town - my ex would be out to "play".

  Hang in there!

  Jib
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  Hortensia

  it's easier for your sister and everyone else to blame you because then they don't have to deal with the real issue which is that the brother-in-law cheated on his wife. Easier for them all to sacrifice you, even the guilty party probably feels better blaming you. Don't take it - keep pointing out the truth which is that this guy is a grown man and knows better than to get wasted and screw someone not his wife.

  You said: "I thought were very close" and I know what you mean. I had close dear friends who were JWs and after all those years of what I thought was true friendship, they cut me out of their lives without a qualm when I stopped being a JW.
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  kwr

  I don't understand why JW's think adults are responsible for the actions of other adults.
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  snarf

  Man, I wish for once they would act like adults and put the blame where it lies(no pun intended). An adult, drunk or not, still makes his own choices wether to cheat on his wife or not.
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  unique1

  Wow, that is pretty crazy. I am supposedly responsible for a witness friend smoking weed because a worldly friend lit up outside on my porch when I went to the grocery store. No one believes now that I do not smoke and I got on to him for doing so when I came home and saw it. But he was 2 years older than me and a ministerial servent, I was a lowly female so who was I to say anything more?
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  sparrow

  You are all correct. I am the easiest scape goat and had a feeling from the start it would turn out like this. Looks like your not unique unique1 :) I can't even defend myself within the ranks because I'm not in the ranks.
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  emptywords

  Their all self righteous hypocrites, don't take it on board, youre worth more than that. Just so ridiculous and their so drunk on their unholy crap. Hang in youre doing great.
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  Mysterious

  They are both adults for god's sake they should be held accountable for their own actions regardless of whose house they are in. You are not their keeper and fortunately you were gracious enough to provide them with a place to stay when they had been too irresponsible to get home on their own.