"But what do i tell the friends?"

zack

So three weeks ago my wife and I had an emotional discussion wherein I finally told her that this religion was not the truth. There was much emotion, a chill has ensued in our relationship.(I haven't been to a meeting in 4 months now, and have not reported time in two months) I am sure many of you know the drill.

Towards the end of our conversation, she asks: But what do i tell the friends when they ask about you?

My reply: Just tell them I'm happier than ever.

My situation with my wife aside (she liked that I was an elder, etc...), don't JW's just want the world to fall down on your head to prove them right?

bluebell

yeah, they like to think all who leave are bitter & unhappy

steve2

You're so right in noticing that the main thing keeping JWs in line is what others in the organization think. Was your wife kind of expecting you to open up the way you did or did it come as a complete shock to her? If it was a complete shock, go easy on her because it will probably take her a while to comprehend what you told her. In the meantime, her head will be crammed with anxieties about what others in the kingdom hall will say.

Mysterious

How about the truth rather than "the truth"? So and so doesn't go to meetings anymore but he's doing well. It's like you are an embarassing secret she is trying to explain, call her on it. Everyone is accountable to god on their own so why does she feel she answers to "the friends" for you?

OnTheWayOut

yeah, they like to think all who leave are bitter & unhappy

I am a bit bitter at the organization, but otherwise I am a much happier person knowing
that I am not contributing to the anti-truth anymore. That statement is true, though.

They all assume I am depressed and miserable, sick in the head, needing to snap
out of something.

ZACK, I told the wife to say, "He says he's fine, and he is thinking for himself."
The friends don't ask specifically anyway. They talk about you, but asking the wife
or you directly allows room to shake their faith. The most they do is say "Tell your
husband we miss him. Tell him we said hello."

If the bill comes due, DF or DA or MARKING, I would gladly accept marking by these
folks. Who needs their phoney friendship anyhow? If they go for the DF, I will fight
tooth and nail to prove that I didn't do anything more than stop coming, and they tell
the world that this is allowed. I will show up, I will not be a witness against myself, and
I will appeal, and write the service desk (or whoever they say to write to). I will be a
thorn in their side just to help my wife and/or mother see what the organization is really
about. Then I will move on to a happier ending.

zack

This wasn't a shock to her (my thinking), my telling her forthrightly and in no uncertain terms may have been. We have had discussions before. But to be fair, we have been married over a decade, and I finally reasoned to myself that I have been a faithful and considerate husband, I have given her a great life, I have allowed her to be her own person and realize her potential. What the hell am I so scared of? If I can't talk to my own wife, then who in the world can I talk to?

It affects her socially. JW's are nosy. No one really cares about HOW I am. I was an elder in this congo for years, had book study at my house for most of those years, every one knows where I live. And her concern was not for my everlasting life, which was quite telling to me and made me a little sad, instead: but what do I tell the friends? I'm glad I tossed the Medical Directive in the shredder a couple of months ago.

nvrgnbk

But to be fair, we have been married over a decade, and I finally reasoned to myself that I have been a faithful and considerate husband, I have given her a great life, I have allowed her to be her own person and realize her potential. What the hell am I so scared of? If I can't talk to my own wife, then who in the world can I talk to?

Did you copy/paste that from one of my old posts zack? LOL!

Not laughing at your pain bro. It just sucks when you realize what's really going on. To the JWs, it's all about perception and what people will think isn't it?

Feels kinda cold doesn't it?

choosing life

My son asked me the same question. I told him to just tell them I was still sick, which is true. When I see others in the grocery store or elsewhere, we talk briefly, but nobody ever asks why I quit going. I think we all know they don't want the real answer.

OnTheWayOut

It affects her socially. JW's are nosy. No one really cares about HOW I am.

True, no one really cares. They can easily find out how you are.

The first part, affecting her socially- I have some concern for my wife on this,
but ultimately, I look forward to her seeing what it does to her, who changes
their attitude toward her (as a faithful dub) because of me.

And her concern was not for my everlasting life, which was quite telling to me and made me a little sad, instead: but what do I tell the friends?

Give her the benefit of the doubt that the everlasting life is a concern also, but
she is afraid to discuss it. Otherwise, yes, the first concern seems to be how
this will affect her with the friends- typical. This is really no different from
separation and divorce, failing business, etc. "What will I tell my friends?"

True friends can handle true statements. Tell her that.

Cellist

A few months into our fade the P.O. got my husband on the phone and asked that very question. He said, "tell them to 'live quietly, work hard with their hands and mind their own business'." They didn't try that approach again.

Cellist

"But what do i tell the friends?"

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