IT IS EASIER TO LEAVE JWS IF NONE OF YOUR FAMILY ARE JWS

by steve2 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  steve2

  One of the biggest - if not the biggest barriers - to leaving the organization is family ties - particularly immediate family (i.e., those living in your household: sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, mother-in-laws, father-in-laws). I know of no bigger barrier.

  Therefore, it's relatively easy to predict who will face the most adversity in trying to leave. In the lead up to the mid-1970s, hundreds of people here in New Zealand studied and became witnesses. After 1975 came and went, these people had relatively little difficulty getting out of the organization simply because they did not have family ties to the religion. I knew many people who were disfellowshipped for all kinds of sins in the mid- to late 70s. The impact of the disfellowshipping on them was close to zero, simply because they had no family to punish them. Lucky escape!

  The Watchtower - like all authoritarian systems - depends on family ties to maximise the impact of its punitive measures.
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  greendawn

  Yes it obviously is easier that way though not necessarily always very easy, those back in the 1970's you refer to probably weren't in the cult for very long and didn't invest that much or lose completely touch with non JW friends and relatives. These are other factors that count when making an exit.
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  lonelysheep

  It was a breeze! NO ONE wanted me involved with jw's in the first place! They all knew not to mess around in that crap.

  With that, I never felt like anyone was weird for fading or sacrificing showing their true self in order to continue having contact with family/friends. I got to see both sides.
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  Tyrone van leyen

  Man, that is so true. I have always said that. I have envied people who can just walk away with no repercussions. Family is why. That makes me very unlucky as my entire family,brothers their children wives and my parents are all still in. It makes me feel like the ultimate blacksheep and scum bag.

  The endless debating and having to justify everything you do has been a terrible curse on my life and I resent it. Thanks for posting this absolute truth.
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  Gregor

  As Greendawn pointed out, there are a variety of "strings" attached to each escapee. As when pulling up a weed, the young ones come out with a gentle tug of the thumb and finger. The older ones require both hands, legs and the back to pull the huge root system up. As I described it in another post, as a born-in, 36 yr old, huge extended JW fam., married, children, elder it was similar to having ones house burn down with all their possesions and several close relatives lost in the disaster. That was 26 yrs ago and I would go through it again if I had too.
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  mrsjones5

  But if you are from a family with many members who are jws, hopefully you can put off baptisim until you're an adult and out of the house. I haven't had anyone in my family ask me when I was getting baptised for a long while now. I guess after my first marriage to a nonjw they figured I was a lost cause. Now if I go to family functions I hang out and visit with the nonjws in the family, thankfully there are a few.

  Josie
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  R.F.

  Yea those family ties are the thing that put the biggest shackel when you want to leave.

  I know that if I didn't have any in i'd DA in a heartbeat.
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  steve2

  it was similar to having ones house burn down with all their possesions and several close relatives lost in the disaster. That was 26 yrs ago and I would go through it again if I had too.

  Well said! I like the spirit you show: As tough as it is to endure one's family's overt rejection, there comes a point when the individual either focuses on developing emotional resilience or 'buckles under' for the sake of family.

  I so enjoy hearing about individuals who have withstood the severest forms of persistent emotional blackmail and come out of it stronger. This is all the more remarkable given that the organization provides no training or experience in how to take personal responsibility for one's own life. In my opinion, people who buckle under and comply with their JW family's rigid expectations have settled for a poor quality of life.

  To quote Pema Chodron:

  "When we doubt that we're up to it, we can ask ourselves this question: Do I prefer to grow up and relate to life directly, Or do I chose to live and die in fear?"
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  Mum

  Yes, just as it is easier if you had a pre-JW life.

  My non-JW family has been wonderful after I alienated them and acted like a fool. They never mention it.

  Regards,

  SandraC
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  38 Years

  Man, that is so true. I have always said that. I have envied people who can just walk away with no repercussions. Family is why. That makes me very unlucky as my entire family,brothers their children wives and my parents are all still in. It makes me feel like the ultimate blacksheep and scum bag.

  You have a really bad situation, I feel badly for you and others who struggle with this. My mom and sister are in, but we still have a relationship. Don't put yourself down because you are smart enough to care about your self-worth and don't need to be a puppet. Everyone has their own reasons why they are a dub and remain a dub. You are the healthiest, strongest person in your family, in my opinion.