L.S.
I hereby invite all who are worthy to join the ancient and mysterious Hermetic Order of Bethelites. We have been working from the shadows of Bethel, sealing the Watchtower teachings with the ancient knowledge of Hermes Trismegistus, as handed over to us from the time of Joseph, the servant of Yah. You can find more info here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hermetic_order_of_bethelites
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jehovah's_Witnesses_splinter_groups
If you consider joining us, please humbly and prayerly think about the following questions:
(1) On the basis of the secret knowledge of Hermes Trismegistus, have you repented of your sins and dedicated yourself to the Hermetic Order of Bethelites to do its will?
(2) Do you understand that your dedication identifies you as a member of the Hermetic Order of Bethelites in esoteric association with God's spirit-induced organization?
If you can answer yes to both questions, you are initiated! As a member, you may freely think of a title for yourself. You are also allowed to create sub-orders and give them names, and initiate bored brothers and sisters at conventions to them.
One warning: we have received word that others will soon promote new sects and cause divisions on this board and in the organization. Do not join them, for they are full of lies and deceit!
Awaiting your initiation,
Deus Mauzzim
Grand Master of The Hermetic Order of Bethelites
Opener of the First Seal
P.S This is all serious. Ted Jaracz is one of our acolytes.