My wife left me two weeks ag (page 2)

mouthy

I am so sorry to read this...But you have been called to peace. She really wasnt a very loyal person in my opinion ,,,,God bless look for another "mate:"

littlemike

Thanks lovely comments but at the moment so painful I feel my life has ended. I know it hasnt but I have built up all my future plans around my wife since I left the Witnesses and now she has gone.

I have even had thought of going back to the Witnesses because all my old friends are there. However I cannot do that because I have read everything that proves it not the truth

I'm sorry you had to find out the way you did. Without the opportunity to sit down and talk with you wife, it's guess work about why she told you the way she did. Some people really seem to lack the ability to be more honest and upfront about their behavior. She seems to have given you a few clues: E.g., the fact that she's been messing around behind your back says a lot about her lack of openess. Also, the fact that she was dissatisfied with your marriage but presumably did not talk to you about her dissatisfaction until she had already made up her mind. That really sucks - and I empathisde with your situation.

You could do with someone trustworthy to talk to - and I'd encourage you to do so.

Nathan Natas

As I think on this, I want to urge you to take good care of yourself, and treat yourself kindly: the way you would treat a friend in such a situation. It sounds like you really were the "last to know." You also have to take care of business - get the divorce finalized and get her locked out of any- and everything you own. Resolve in your heart that should she come back to you, you will remind her of the "facts" she shared with you and refuse to let her back in.

Of course we don't know anything about you, but it may be safe to assume you are about 50. That's not the end of the world, and chances are you will not have trouble finding someone who really will love you for what you are.

How are your kids taking this? Did they have any idea this was on the horizon?

Keep yourself busy and fit. If you're not very fit now, you can make it a one-year project to change that.

You've just been given a ticket to a better life but you don't know it yet.

misanthropic

You've just been given a ticket to a better life but you don't know it yet.

Kudos. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Namasti

It's crappy, yea, real crappy. One day in the future--you might be saying to us that you never thought there was going to be such great living after such a death. You deserve to be loved in return with the same love that you give and it's clear that she was able to love you in that same way. I suggest- if at all possible considering your emotional state, to get involved with some positive group--singles group of some sort or even a good open-minded church. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. These sayings are some time sickening but they are really so true. Do the best you can right now. Don't be afraid to grieve all you want to. But then embrace the new adventure in your life.

Nam

flipper

Little Mike- Mr. Flipper here- May you have peace my friend. So sorry to hear you've been through this in that manner. I was once hurt by a longterm girlfriend like this . I was the last to know, found out she had gone to a bar with her teenage daughter's music teacher then invited him to her home for the night. Hurt like hell. So I feel for you my friend. I know it's hard to think this now, but Mike I'm sure you are a great guy, a good father to your kids. You will love again, the sun will shine for you in your heart, you will be treated better by a woman who really appreciates you. It worked for me a couple years down the road, believe me it will come again. If you ever want to write, don't hesitate to pm me. Sincerely, Peace to you, Mr. Flipper.

moshe

Women expect a lot more from a marriage today, but not everyone can have it all. Back in the 50's, if a man had a steady job, only went out with the guys bowling once a week and didn't hit his wife, then she had a good marriage. Sorry you will have to start over, but it can be done, mate. Good luck.

reneeisorym

I have no idea what to say -- I'm sorry. It really sucks when the other person isn't happy and they didn't bother to talk to you about it before leaving. She really should have given you a chance to fix things before leaving. I wish I could give you a big hug.

Renee

garybuss

I have a friend who's wife took off with the garbage man because he had a bigger truck. My friend was pissed and he filed for divorce while he moved out of his own house into a dinky apartment so his wife could stay there with their school age kids and so the garbage man could come over to his house and hose his wife on the bed my friend was still making the payments on to Sears.

This drug on for almost a year and apparently the garbage man's truck broke down or after a few months didn't look so big any more and he went away. My friend still cared for his wife and he was still taking care of her and the kids but he was pissed at her big time. The wife was a very strong self employed money earner and my friend was in management in a lucrative sales job. Money wasn't a real issue with these two.

I spent many hours listening to him and talking to him. After they were separated over a year and after the wife got her itch scratched, she wanted to reconcile and get back together. My friend didn't want to and he was pushing for the divorce to be final. I didn't know the wife very well but I had high regard for her and these two had over 20 years together.

My friend was thinking in circles and talking in circles so I used splitting to help him think in a straight line. I asked him if they divorced if he intended to remain single or if he would seek a new partner. He said he didn't like living alone and he would probably seek a new partner but he didn't have any in mind.

I asked him exactly what it was he didn't like about his wife right now and he said he didn't like her because she had had sex with somebody besides him. So I asked him if he thought he was going to find a teenager to be his new sex partner because he's almost 50 and he said no. Then he asked me why I asked that and I asked him if he thought he was going to find a replacement partner near his age that was a virgin? And he said of course not. So I said, "So it doesn't matter to you if your next partner has had sex with somebody other than you . . . and maybe more recently than your wife has." That set him back and It helped him get back into reality.

With me it's always emotion over intellect in the short view. After the emotion cools, my intellect always comes back. My challenge is not to make any messes while in emotion mode that are hard to fix in the light of objective reality. I'm a pragmatist . . . except when I'm emotional. The emotional me is an idiot.

I asked him if maybe the real issue wasn't that she had sex with somebody else, but if maybe the real issue was that he was pissed at her. I listed on paper his benefits to living with his wife and kids who were not yet in high school and it was a long list. First of all his net worth doubles by staying with his wife who is his business partner in personal asset ownership.

Second, he gets to see his kids every day and his living there keeps someone else from moving in and having access to his kids. Third, he gets to live in the house he built, and fourth he still cares for his wife and didn't like the thought of some sausage packer living with his wife and doing the act with her every night.

I finally convinced my friend to try counseling alone and he did. Eventually she joined him and after a few weeks of joint counseling they moved back in together. They have several years together now and they are closer now than before. The children are in college and the daughter is planning to get married so they will both have comfortable access to the grandchildren and to the family.

Some of my friends have gotten divorced and then ended up with a partner worse than the one they divorced. This is a true story and I'm not sure it's relevant or even appropriate.

This is a time of loss and grief so it's usually best for me to go slow and not make any quick decisions. I'd get lots of support and feedback and I'd get into counseling as soon as possible.

My wife left me two weeks ag