welcome johanna!
New Here, My Personal Story
by johannahw 27 Replies latest jw experiences
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elliej
I just wasn't good enough to make it as one of Jehovah's Witnesses.
You ought to let go of that feeling right away. You were smart enough to notice that something wasn't right. The Jehovah's Witnesses lure vulnerable people in by giving them false hopes, and then once they have them firmly in their grips they crush their spirit until they feel worthless. The only thing anyone can do is their best, and nobody should ever make you feel that your best isn't good enough.
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Threestars
Dear Johanna, welcome to the board.
I do have to say that a group of true Christians would not have shunned or marked you because of your problems. Neither would they do so for smoking.
Most Witnesses are totally afraid of any type of mental illness since they think that if one is truly spiritual they will be "cured". If they don't get better, then it is (to them) evidence of weakness or even demon influence--thus the ill person winds up marked and shunned.
In the past it was totally unnacceptable to seek any type of psychological assistance. I know this for a fact because my own Mother suffered from severe clinical depression for many years as I was growing up. She was considered "weak" and at one point, after a breakdown in the Kingdom Hall, the elders tried to disfellowship her, but they wound up just "revoking" her baptism and announcing that over the platform. Around that same time, a young man began attending our congregation, got baptized, and then it became apparent he had some sort of mental illness. He was disfellowhipped almost immediately and then committed suicide.
Nowadays they have softened that hardline policy about psychiatry and say it is OK to take medication, especially for Bipolar Disorder (they even had an Awake article about it) but they do expect a rapid improvement and if it is not forthcoming then you will be immediately suspect and judged accordingly.
You went through the typical "love-bombing" that they offer to all newcomers. Once it was determined that you weren't progressing as you should they became afraid of you.
Please be careful and take care of yourself. As another poster said, there are many online support groups and even local groups for sufferers of Bipolar Disorder. I have a seriously ill 19 year old son and I have found a wealth of information and help online. PM me if you would like me to look up some links for you.
BTW, congratulations on not smoking but please, please, do not feel guilty if you slip. It's a little known fact that nicotine actually relieves some of the symptoms of various mental disorders and it is extra hard for people like yourself to give up the habit. My own son tells me that smoking makes his thoughts feel "less red" (whatever that means...) He stopped for two years but recently took it up again, much to my dismay, but I would never try to make him feel "evil" for giving in to the urge to smoke.
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lavendar
Hi Johannahw!
Welcome aboard; you'll find much support, wisdom, and help here.
Christianity at its most perfect and I found that even the folks there have warts.
Unfortunately, EVERY church has people with "warts". No one is perfect and everyone has some flaws. The important thing is YOUR RELATIONSHIP with God. Don't let the Watchtower Society put a damper on that. They are not serving the True God of the Bible. They are well-meaning people, but very deceived.
Keep reading, seeking & praying.
Warm regards,
Lavendar
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BCberean
Johanna....welcome....I can relate.....I am a smoker...up until a week ago I felt that smoking and not understanding the 'blood' issue were the only things keeping me from baptism.
Looks like we've started on a journey of discovery but we've got company.
Shalom
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wozadummy
Welcome Johanahw ,it's true what's been said here ,being amongst the JW's can be a positive thing for you for a while .
That is if you were fortunate to be in a congo with some nice people ,but unfortunately what happens is the expectations of the governing body of the corporation sit heavily on the witnesses minds ,so in time you are expected to conform fully to the corporate psuedo religious model ,and quite frankly it is not possible for some to become like them for what they expect is physically and mentally unrealistic. This does not mean you failed in becoming a christian! You have challenges that have to be dealt with that alot of them would never understand ,and some here have the same condition you have. They rejected you because they have the short-coming of not practising christianity - could you imagine Christ ignoring you? No ,the people are weighed down by a corporate mindset ,and to them the last thing they need is someone who does'nt "heal" from just going to meetings and reading their books ,it points to the failure of their work.
So cheer up ,there's a whole world of people and experiences and iff you get the meds right and become a happier person you can deal better with the challenge of quitting a bad habit.
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flipper
Johanna- Mr. & Mrs. Flipper welcome you to this board! The fact that you didn't join the witnesses shows that you are a good and decent person!! Believe me!, Sincerely, Mr. Flipper P.S. You are among friends here, people care.
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sweet pea
Hi Johanna, great to have you here. It's all been said already practically but just to add my two pennies worth - there are some great churches out there. You could try and find one that is affilated with the Alpha Course - I am attending one right now in the UK and, although it was weird attending at first due to the 'poison' I have been fed the last 36 years (you definitely had a lucky escape!) I now love it! and remember Jesus said "believe in me and you will be saved@ - no more or no less - his grace covers your slip ups so don't feel bad - you are a very special person regardless of whether you smoke or not!! We're here for you too 24/7. Hope you find the happiness you deserve.
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changeling
Welcome! Good luck with quiting smoking, you'll be healthier for it, but if you fall of the wagon, we won't judge you for it.
You refer to being bipolar, I hope you can get your meds regulated. Life is good!
Take care,
changeling
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drew sagan
Welcome to the board! Hope you decide to stay. We learn a lot from each other on here.