Well my grandpa just died...

by bluesbreaker59 20 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  bluebell

  Do what your heart says.
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  jaguarbass

  Sorry for your loss. But back to reality. I think your Gramp died sometime ago to you. You can choose your friends but not your realitives. Life is all about choices. I think he and they made and make much cruler inhumane choices by considering you dead to them, then you made by exercising your rights as a United States citizen to be free from religion. You come in to this life alone you go out alone and for many if not all you go through it alone. Everyone is working an angle. The lawyers call it quid quo pro something for something. That is what all realationships are based on. The witnoids exploit the basic principal down to your shxt to them if you arent selling magazines.

  You say your a confused young man. The reality is few if any in this dimension love you for what you are unconditionally, they love you for what you do. If you dont do enough or do right your in the dog house.

  Thats life. Being a witnoid for many is detrimental to finding happiness and fullfilment on this earth.

  JW's put the funk in disfunctional.
• 

  JWdaughter

  Sorry about the whole situation. Do what you want to do, and remember, it is only ONE day, whatever you decide to do-when its over, its over. He is dead, so you can go for you or for them. And it won't hurt you either way-you can take whatever they can dish out. A goatee?????I thought you were gonna say you had a sex change op! If they don't like it, remind them that God makes the hair grow on your face-if they have an issue, take it up with Him.

  Shelly ((((blues)))))
• 

  Lady Liberty

  Dear Blues..,

  (((HUGS))) I am so sorry about your Grandpa. It is hard to say what to do. What does your gut tell you you should do? Could you go with your Aunt?

  By the way, WELCOME to the forum.

  Sincerely,

  Lady Liberty
• 

  Quandry

  My dad told her that he wants me to "sit with the family".

  To me, this says dad would like for you to be there. I am assuming it is his father. The funeral is a time for the loved ones. The dead are gone.

  I am 55 years old. Old enough to tell you that you want to have the fewest regrets to look back on when you get older. No one can tell you what you must do, but if you are asking for opinions, here is mine.

  Go and sit with the family. Be as gracious as possible. Know ahead of time that some may say things about missing you, or come back, etc. For an hour or so you can deal with anything.

  This you can do for your family. Even if they do nothing for you in return. Your father will appreciate it, and you will feel it even if he says nothing.
• 

  changeling

  I'm sorry for your loss. l'm not DF'd, but I think you should go and pay your respects. I don't think anyone would be so insensitive as to pick on your goatee. I think some will shun you and others will give you their condolences. Either way, I think you'll regret not going
• 

  poppers

  Sorry for your loss and the quandry you find yourself in. I hope you find some peace no matter what happens.
• 

  RollerDave

  blues,

  First, let me offer my condolences for your loss. I find myself agreeing with jaguarbass (jawdrop!) that your loss actually occurred years ago when he shunned you, but this does serve as some kind of closure.

  I agree with Quandry, going will not kill you and will guarantee you never have to regret staying away.

  As for them giving you heck about your goatee, I did that and worse today and only got one comment. Mostly they tremble like timid little mice. Don't fear the dubs, pity them!

  I'd go, and be grateful for the reprieve from the dinner.

  Roller (of the 'sharpen my feet and drive me into the ground' sheep class)
• 

  bluesbreaker59

  Well I've not been "out" or DF'd for years. My DF announcement just happened in March of 2007. I stopped attending in Dec. 2006. So I'm still getting used to being shunned, living life without my dad, his family, the religion, etc. This is actually my step-mom's dad, but he's been a part of my life since I was around 10, and he was a good, decent man.

  This all came so quickly, he was diagnosed with an inoperable brain cancer and died inside of 1 month. He left behind a wife of many, many years, 3 daughters (1 DF'd), and 4 grandkids (2 MS, 1 good dub, 1 DF'd(me)).
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Rebel8 comments well:

  If you want to go (for your own good or to comfort your relatives), enough to put up with the crapola, then go. If not, don't.....and don't feel bad about it either.
  
  Saying "sit with the family but don't come to the dinner" is bullsh1t if you ask me. The dinner is a major part of the grief/saying goodbye process--at least it is in my culture. To say you cannot participate in that, only one part, is bullcrap.

  If I went under those conditions, I would not sit with a family that doesn't welcome me to their dinner.
  If I felt I must go, it would be in order that they cannot say I didn't come because I am
  [apostate, worldly, evil, chicken, weak, take-your-pick].
  I would walk in late, sit away from the family, pass the casket or picture or whatever, keep walking right
  on out.

  Only you know what you should do- do what you want. You can mourn anyway you want to.