by Billygoat 24 Replies latest jw friends
Strangely enough, just this morning I was reflecting on my blessings.
Beautiful wild flowers, birds in the sky, the sun glancing off of water.
I then imagined a childs laughter, to make the scene complete.
9/11 haunts me everyday.
Prayer has helped me through the hard times.
Some view it as a crutch...so be it, it has helped me.
LT
Andi, honey, my heart goes out to you.
What happened on 9/11 was a horror that will resonate through the world for a very long time. Of course you as a sensitive and decent soul are affected by it; I would question the humanity of anyone unaffected or gleeful in the face of such iniquity.
Horror and fear and tragedy and pain are old acquaintances of mine; hell, I've lived cheek& Jowl with some of 'em for long stretches of my life. You never get used to them but you can arm yourself against lasting ill effects from them by counting your blessings and NOT hoarding them...blessings only grow if you broadcast them and share them wildly. (Not saying you gotta lie down and TAKE the rotten, oh HELL NO but you do have to acknowledge that sometimes they are bigger and stronger than you and when you can't change them, at least you can mitigate their effect on you by blowing bubbles of happiness for yourself and others.)
Tiny blessings count as much as great big horrors, so count every one!
Here's some of mine:
I have a darling wonderful husband who loves me madly and sticks with me through chronic illness. He takes care of me when I am too crippled to manage the stairs and takes care of the household when I am unable to function.
I have an incredible little son who is growing up free of fear and guilt. He's one of those treasuretroves of kid wisdom, a source of happy tears only, my unalloyed joy in life.
I have a grown alcoholic son who is clean and sober for the first time in his adult life, and am about to become stepgranny to his fiance's brood.
Although we are poor as the mice that infest our cellar, we have more love and laughter in a day than many American families have in a year.
It's a gorgeous cold sunny day and the birds outside my window sing with mad rampant joy at the world around them. Who am I to complain about my hardships when these little creatures find such satisfaction in their simple pleasures?
So what if my alleged Green Cross dealer ripped off the money all us sick people gave him for herb? So what if I have to go back on the morphine next week? So what if my middle son won't get a job or my MIL is trying to manipulate our lives? These are small petty things.
Even in the face of genuine tragedy, life burgeons. There is wonder and terror every day. It's our choice which we store in our hearts.
We can't always stop the horrors, but we can gird ourselves against them. That's what you're doing right now...and bless you for it dollface!
Love
MD
collecting every smidge of happiness ammunition available
Dear Andi,
As you know, I've had a difficult time also. In many ways, 911 is making me finally grow up and realize what the reality of life is. Its not as pretty as I would like it to be.
I think I have finally given up on the concept of the world being fixable. It is what it is. Let the fools fight amongst themselves. Too bad for them, they will miss life completely.
Life in the moment is what is good and enjoyable. I am concentrating more and more on the sensuous side of life, the way food tastes, the way the air feels or smells, the way a touch can soothe my frazzled nerves or bring me joyful sensation. If ever I leaned toward the Epicurean, I have been pushed far into its hold now.
If you look at life like this, there are thousands of blessing on us on a daily basis from the moment we awake til we fall asleep.
I am determined to enjoy life more in the future than I have in the past. My enjoyment of life includes helping others enjoy life.
As Raphael says in my head, Life should be fun not sad.
hugs
Joel
Andi,
I am right there with you girl. For the first time in my life I do have a ton to be gratefule for, yet I find myself worrying. My husband works in the Federal Building in downtown Cincinnati and I can't help but feel that he is vulnerable. I have a precious baby boy. I know that I am truly blessed. But I still worry. I still feel a little raw around the edges and sore in the middle. I am glad to read your post and the responses because I know I am not the only one who feels as I do. Maybe that is the greatest comfort we can offer one another. Togetherness.
BobsGirl
"May the work of your hands be a sign of gratitude and reverence to the human condition." - Mahatma Gandhi
Hi Andi and everyone--
In light of the attacks on so many innocents on 9/11 how can I feel anything BUT fortunate? Sure I too have known great miseries but I have lived to tell about them, unlike many.
I have two great kids that have taught me more than I could've learned in several lifetimes. They are brilliant, beautiful, kind and most importantly, healthy. Their father, my husband, and I have been on an interesting journey together for many years and we have learned a great deal from and with each other. Many of the things learned were rather difficult but, in the end, have helped us to grow.
I have learned so much from so many, a great debt I can never hope to re-pay. Another wonderful, enlightened teacher I was fortunate enough to have for 27 years was my dad. He was brilliant, kind, witty, patient and the epitome of selflessness. A remarkable man by all accounts.
Like many of you I too have the good fortune of having some wonderful friends. There is nothing that can make me happier than to know that those I love, friends and family alike, are truly happy with their own lives. To share the ups and downs of life with these people is a great privlege for me.
Take care all--
Julie
Thank you everyone for your comments! Everyone of you has said something that I can learn from. It still amazes me that I can find comfort from y'all even though I've never met one of you. Our common background and struggles still bind us together, whether we like it or not.
So I have woken up today, feeling better than last night. (Last night I was in terrible emotional pain. The worst in years!) When Neil realized how low I was he promptly came over and tried to soothe my heart. My faith in God is intact, but nothing seems to comfort me the way Neil's arms do. He stayed with me while I cried myself to sleep. I awoke this morning to him brushing his hand across my face. My entire face still swollen from hours of crying and he still thinks I'm beautiful. Why I'll never know.
So I am now going to stop and list some things I am thankful for. My list is short today, but I know I'll add to it as I pull myself from my "slump".
1. I am thankful for Neil, the man who loves me beyond my comprehension. Even after hearing about my history as a JW, terrible pains inflicted on my soul, terrible sins I've committed in the past, and seeing me at my absolute worst - he stands by me and doesn't flinch. He still comes back to me at the end of the day.
2. I am thankful for my dogs. Mandy and Henry. Two little ragamuffins that look to me as Mom. Always in need of food, walks, chew toys, and countless baths, they offer me more in return than I could ever off them - unconditional love.
3. I am thankful that I have food in my tummy and clothes on my back. I have a working car and a job that pays well. I haven't been laid off like so many I know. Every physical need I have is provided for above and beyond what I deserve.
Thank you for sharing everyone. I hope more people add to this list. I want to hear more positive things right now that you're thankful for. Please help me to remember my life is what I make of it.
Love,
Andi
Dearest Andi,
I have so many blessings where do I start?
I have my health
I have a wonderful husband
I have three kids. Two are doing well, one floundering. Two out of three ain't bad.
I have a good, well paying job.
Four beautiful grandchildren.
A loving sister who just moved closer to be near me.
If I keep going there won't be any room for anyone else to write.
The horror of Sept. 11th has no redeaming qualities. The hurt and sadness it brought so many people is just to great to try to make sense of. I think of the guys still at ground zero everyday trying to do the clean up and I cannot even imagine how it is for them. If you are out there God, PLEASE bless them. They are true heros.
This is a great thread, Thank you for starting it.
minds are like parachutes--they only function when open.
Blessings; or good things that keep me going ....
1. Although I have lost the people in my family I was closest to, I have three sisters and their families that are not just related, but they are great friends. We get together all the time and cook out and have drinks and talk and pal around. They are the most important people in my life. They would do anything for me, and I would for them.
2. A good job that continues to challenge me and affords me opportunities to indulge my hobbies (sailing currently) and to travel, despite the fact I didn't go to college.
3. A network of people, some in Dallas, some on this board, that I can talk to anytime about anything I want to, and I know they will understand.
4. The guidance of those ex-JWs who went before me and gave me a helping hand when I was completely in shock about leaving. These people gave unselfishly of their time in personally talking with me and giving me good advice: Randall Watters, Ray Franz, Ron Frye, Marilyn on the Help Line.
5. Good books by brilliant people: Psychology, religion, history, philosophy, fiction, that helped me break free of Watchtower mindset and continue to expand me as a person and enrich me. (Currently reading "Everything is Under Control by Robert Anton Wilson, very funny)
6. Knowing that God is watching over me, guiding me, strengthening me, leading me, even when times are tough. There are times I've hit rock bottom emotionally, but something has always come into my life at that time that picked me back up.
7. Just the everyday little things: A good conversation, a cold beer, beautiful music, a sunset, a good movie...
8. Hope. When I see where I am compared to the mess I was five years ago, I know the best time in my life is now.
Billygoat,
When I saw the 2nd plane hit the WTC I knew that nothing was ever going to be the same again. I knew also that the Brits would take this as a personal assault even though it occured in the US.
What has totally astonished me is that this terrible event has refined ordinary people into hero's. The most unlikely persons are showing a strength of character that is absolutely incredible.
Seems to me that all Osama has succeeded in doing is to bring out the real men in our leaders.
Englishman.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be....
Andi, sweetie, every one of your posts I read, I just love you more. It's so obvious that you have such a kind, caring heart and are such a loving soul. It's a pleasure to "know" you here.
You said a couple of things that I have to answer:
Every physical need I have is provided for above and beyond what I deserve.Sweetheart...don't you know? You deserve every happiness and every thing and blessing that life can give, just as much as every other person out there. Once you start believing that you deserve to be happy, then it becomes crystal clear what your blessings are.
It becomes impossible to contain in your heart the gratitude you will feel. It spills over into everything you do, all your interactions with others. It isn't something you have to work at having, it just is.
Please help me to remember my life is what I make of it.Not only is it what you make it, but your focus determines your reality. Your life could be going great, but if you're anxious all the time you will feel the same stress as someone going through something very trying, like a lay off or whatever. Most of the things we obscess and worry about never happens. And if they do happen, in most cases worrying wouldn't have changed the outcome.
So yes, remember my dear that your life is what you make it, and you have the power to make it wonderful. Your fate is in your hands, and that is a very good thing.
Make it a masterpiece :)
love
essie
