Got up in the middle of a vomitous Sunday talk and walked out, drove away never to return.
I had recently moved to another state, though, making such a move a bit easier.
How Would You or Did You Leave The Organization??
by minimus 49 Replies latest jw friends
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Nellie
Like others, for me it began to all be too much. Raising four kids, partially caring for my mother, trying to work part-time and being a wife took about all the energy I had to give. So I began missing meetings . . . the more I missed the easier it became to question why I was in. I decided to give myself permission to look for answers and found JWD - that was truly the beginning of the end of my belief in the organization. I shared my discoveries with my husband (who already was gone in his heart but had never really discussed it with me) and we decided that we were going to spare our family from more deceit. We're not DAd or DFd - but haven't been to a meeting in over 3 years. For the most part, they leave us alone and we're happy about that.
From beginning to end, it took about 5 years - I guess that qualifies as a slow fade.
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SnakesInTheTower
evita:
Seeing a therapist during this time. ....What I regret: Not having this board to help me understand what was going on. I was very hurt, angry, and reactionary
this board IS MY THERAPIST...and a hell of a lot cheaper.
I started my physical fade about 7 months ago, although I think my mental fade began 5 years ago. I was removed as an elder 7 months ago. I changed congos and circuits, but physically stayed in the same house. I attend occasional Sunday meetings, turn in phantom time each month (if asked, it is informal......vvvveerrryyy informal). Haven't decided about going to any of the DC this year.....if I go, its only to check out the eye candy....maybe find a worldly witness sister ... you know the kind...double life type.....
I have had to slow the fade down a bit....I will make another decision in January when our congo goes from morning to afternoon Sunday meeting. I may switch congos/circuits again but maybe not....just say I am going to a morning meeting elsewhere because of work (true) and only show up for an occasional TMS/SM to make an appearance and pick up
trashlit.....oh, and reading CoC now, and getting ready to read ISoCF after that.
SnakesIntheTower (of the "wishing I could completely drop out" Sheep Class)
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minimus
Thanks for all these great responses! Fading is the best way, imo, to get out. I love the experiences of those that went to a meeting, up and left and decided NEVER to return again....Bravo!!
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LongHairGal
Fading.
When I finally move out of my area it will be quietly and with no fanfare. Then, nobody will have my new location.
LHG
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AK - Jeff
We began with a 'work fade'. I began to see that I of no education beyond high school, needed more income. But, college was out, so I opted for a local truck-driving school. I got my CDL and began working over the road. I still believed the Jw doctrine, and that it was the truth during that period of time, but due to little or no indoctrination at meetings, I slowly began to 'sense' that the organization was lacking somewhere. It began as a weak sensation, but over time I think I began to like missing a lot of the meetings.
After a while, I found work that allowed me to make more meetings, and we did. I noted however that Wifey was missing the same meetings I did when she was home and I was away. We were dealing with a DF'd daughter, and struggling to know what was the right way to deal with the situation - but we never shunned her. It was not my missing of meetings [I always attended some meetings to this point], or my low hours in service, that attracted the attention of the elders. It was my failure to apply their conscience in the matter of my daughter. I was still a MS, and until the job changes, I had been a regular pioneer.
One day [just 6 days ahead of the CO visit] in came two elders who 'grilled' me over my decisions to allow my daughter to spend a few weeks in my house. She was pregnant, had no job, no BF, no house. She needed pre-natal care, doctor advice, and her mother. She was a mess. We opted on Jan 1 to let her stay. She left March. In May, fully two months after she left, and almost 5 months since she came to our house, here they come. Basically they infomed me that I was going to loose my MS position. I didn't care by that point. What bothered me the most was that they were more concerned about my position in the congregation, and how I could have safeguarded that by not allowing my daughter to live there briefly, than they were about her. Additionally, they refused to listen to me when I pointed out the society's own publications that allowed my and encouraged me to make 'conscience my guide'.
Even at that point we held onto the concept that JW's were God's people. Eventually, through a combination of events, I and Wifey read CoC and ISoCF. The day I picked up those books, is the last day I ever went inside a KH. It took the elders three years after that to accuse me of 'apostacy' - I refused the JC meeting and DA'd. I use my 'family headship' to keep Wifey safe from elder attack. Once her mom dies [she is 84] she will submit her DA letter. The only other relatives we have is one cousin of mine, and two of her sisters, whom she desires no association with anyway, as they are asses.
Jeff
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minimus
Witnesses get fed up with others telling them they can't care for their own flesh and blood. It gets to a point where you say, "F&ck you". No one's gonna tell me that I can't help my kid out!
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AK - Jeff
Yep Min - you are right. Ours kinda started like that and lead us in other directions. Glad it did.
Jeff
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4JWY
Hubby and I pulled into the parking lot on a Sunday morning -
I couldn't get out of the car with the thought of walking through those KH doors one more time,
He agreed,
We pulled out, and.... life is good
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erynw
For me it started when I became "friends" with a bible study. He truly was just a friend. We spent a lot of time together talking, movies, etc. He was close to my age as others in the Geriatric Ward reminded me too much of my grandparents. Anyway, I was called in the dreaded back room one day by an elder and warned of my too oft association with a single man, being as I was a single woman and the elder actually said to me, "It starts out as an innocent friendship and then one day, say, a pencil drops to the floor, you both go to pick it up, and there you are." I said "Where are we?" He just gave me a knowing look and I said, "I'm going to take picking up a pencil as my clue that we're going to have sex?!" Boy, have I missed out on a lot of opportunities for sex!
I was disfellowshipped 23 years ago, not over my relationship with this bible study. I was a pioneer, began struggling internally with all of the crap everyone here has mentioned. I also knew that my sexual preferences would not change and I couldn't stay in an organization that considered me evil and I felt that I could no longer live a double life and be happy. I felt like a huge hypocrite. Long story short, I didn't confess, I wasn't repentent, and I have not been back.