What has Worked for You When Trying to Reason with Witness Relatives?

by flipper 32 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  OnTheWayOut

  It is slow going. Direct assaults on the tower do little more than cause some to flee further
  into the safety of the congregation.

  I have read both of Steve Hassan's books: COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL and
  RELEASING THE BONDS. I liked the first book better, but the second book really
  described the process most of us need to follow to free our loved ones from a
  mind-control cult like the WTS. Read those books, apply the info in the 2nd book.

  Mini-interventions are the way to go. You have to reach the real person instead of just
  the cult member. Even if they grew up as a JW, you can ask things like "What would
  you do if money were no object; No- besides pioneering, what fun things do you see
  yourself doing?" "Where would you like to retire to, vacation to." You will have to read the
  book to develop more than that. The point is to make the person think outside of the
  religion. You can attack the tower a bit in conversation, but only enough to stop short of
  stopping their thinking processes.

  I hate that the method is slow, and I hope to stumble on major breakthroughs, but I feel
  that the only surefire method will take a long time.

  For a daughter, I would talk about education, family goals, where do you see yourself in 40 years.
• 

  sspo

  Just like the rest, i have to say that nothing works.

  The more you speak against the FDS the more stubborn they become.
• 

  blondie

  The WTS has a saying that people won't listen unless they are humble, honest, and hungry.

  Strangely enough, that is true of jws...they won't listen unless they

  1) are willing to admit to themselves that good information comes from places other than the WTS

  2) are willing to admit to themselves that the WTS has many flaws

  3) are willing to admit to themselves that they are still "hungry" after eating the "spiritual food" the WTS offers

  Blondie
• 

  lisavegas420

  my older daughter about the child molestation settlements and she said, "Well, dad, it's just Jehovah's way of cleaning out the organization".

  hopefully her feelings will change when she has children of her own.

  Nothing has worked for me. My family doesn't hear what I have to say, so they just refuse to talk to me.

  lisa
• 

  IP_SEC

  Nothing.

  They would nod their lil' heads and agree but in the end there was nothing that they agreed with that was 'bad enough' to make them want to leave.

  Pedo problem: "yep wow I can see that, I understand your point BUT...

  Dfing: "Ya hmmm that is very harsh... I dont think it's right to df for smoking etc. BUT"

  New light: "..., ..., *blank worried stare*..., ..."

  Do more, do more, do more: "Yes I can see the elders and bros and sis are tired. It does seem like they are pushing too hard."

  Blood:

  other sheep and little flock

  it goes on and on. nothing worked.
• 

  whyizit

  Your question is the very reason I came to this forum. I wanted to find out how to effectively speak to my JW friend, without being viewed as an opposer or an apostate.

  Taking the position of a student has helped. NEVER saying anything negative about the WTS has been helpful too. I mention things "other" religious orgs. do that are extremely similar, which lets my friend make the connection.

  If you have never read Don Cameron's book Captives of a Concept, you should! I was able to ask about WTS history, which opened up LOTS of good questions! Especially when SHE sent me the 5th Chapter of the Proclaimer's book!

  If you could play like you are Columbo, and ask the right questions in a very non-combative way, you could open your daughter's minds very effectively. Even if they don't show it at first. There's no way to unring that bell, once it has been rung.

  (Thanks to AK-Jeff for that one!) It also helps to have people here that are supportive and know that "how you say it", is as important as "what is said".
• 

  White Dove

  Nothing has worked when trying to reason with my family. They just answer my reasons with the same kind of answers that we all used to give others when they asked us in grade school any questions: We must trust that what we are learning is true and not go against JH.
• 

  garybuss

  For me, to try to talk reason to a believing Witness is like trying to teach algebra to a bull dog. It's a waste of time and it bores the bull dog.
  
  
• 

  codeblue

  Nothing with "reason works".

  You have to let them have their "rose colored glasses broken"...on their own. I mean: when they get tired of the NON LOVE their hearts will hurt. They will understand this religion is not all it is suppose to be. They will be willing to see a Dateline that exposes the pedophile stuff (that's what did it to me) But, they have to find out on their own....otherwise they have gone against Jehovah. (sigh)...

  Codeblue
• 

  flipper

  Thanks so much to you all for the advice! Good advice! I will definitely look into the books some of you mentioned to read, and Changeling and others who said it's not so much what I say but how I say it to my daughters that might get a hearing ear. Funny, my mom used to tell me the same thing as a teenager if she thought I was being smart alec,"Mr. Flipper it's not what you"re saying that bothers me , it's how you are saying it"! Thanks everybody for being my "mom"! It's great, I respect her and glad I heard it from you