Nathan Natas: PERFECTION! I wish I would have thought of that while my mother was shunning me! I could still do that for my sister, but I don't want to waste the money!!!!!!! Maybe just a sympathy card though! Thanks for the idea!
DO NOT CONTINUE SENDING EMAILS TO ME OR ATTEMPT TO CONTACT ME OR MY FAMILY.
by esw1966 55 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
golf2
Direct your energies to positive works. Don't expect any pity or understanding from them.
Golf -
fjtoth
I'm disappointed with the entries that suggest you should send flowers or a brief message. Dealing with JW relatives is simply not like dealing with relatives who are offended over something personal. You are dealing with a religion here, a religion that requires your JW relatives to ignore you. Should we not show ourselves respectful of others regardless of their obligation to show disrespect toward us? Two wrongs don't make a right. We need to be grown up men and women who know how to move on with our lives, just as others in this thread have urged.
My mother is 93 and hasn't spoken to me for 15 years because I left JWs. It is only natural that a mother would want to communicate with her son, but the religion won't allow it. My mother will die without having spoken to me or heard from me for many years, due to "organizational instructions" from Brooklyn. Should I hurt my mother's sensibilities by making efforts to disregard her wishes? It's bad enough that she's enslaved in mind to foolish men at headquarters. I view that as misery enough, and I have no desire to add to the pain.
It would do no good to try getting in touch with my mother. It would only entrench her more in her beliefs, and it would convince her that I'm paying the price of hurt and distraction for committing such a monumentally terrible sin as leaving "God's organization." That is the same response anyone here will get by sending flowers or by trying to communicate in any way with a JW who believes with all his or her heart that it is wrong in the eyes of God himself to have contacts with so-called "apostates."
Let's accept that fact of life and move on with gratitude and joy that we are no longer in bondage to the mind slavery that exists among JWs.
Frank
-
Finally-Free
There's nothing to be gained by forcing yourself on someone who doesn't want your association. It hurts, but you have to move on.
Ensure that they have no claim whatsoever on your estate or insurance policies in the event that something should happen to you.
Save a copy of the email. Give it back to them when they slither back in 10 years looking for financial assistance or some other favour.
W
-
LongHairGal
Esw1966:
Please leave them alone and respect their wishes. This only makes you look very bad. This is the problem with people who leave the JW religion: they just cannot accept the fact that they are severing ties because the JWs CANNOT bother with you anymore. You cannot force people to still bother with you. As much as this hurts, you accept this and move on or else you run the risk of seeming emotionally unbalanced and all this will do is give them fodder to gossip about you and feel false pity.
Finally-Free has a point in that they may at some future date come crawling because they need a favor. You can leave the lines of communication open.
But, make new friends and be DONE with it. I give this same advice to any other ex-JW who feels horrible about the loss.
LHG
-
The wanderer
Dear ESw1966:
I think it was a few weeks ago that you wrote
something about your father. It moved me and
I cannot help but feel that you and I have
some common ground regarding some past and
perhaps, present issues.
I could not imagine what you are going through
right now. It is hard enough for me to lose
"friends" let alone family.
Take care and best wishes,
Richard -
erandir
Although I love Watson's solution, I have to say that respecting your sister's wishes is probably the best thing you can do. The fact that after a year of you sending emails her way and she finally replies one time and that one time says to leave her alone...that speaks volumes. I don't know all the details, but from what you have said, I would conclude she's pretty serious about it.
Take care, and hopefully with time the situation changes.
Regards,
Erandir
-
gymbob
It's probably the hardest thing i've ever done, but when I got a letter like that from my family I just respected their religious (cultish) beliefs and moved on.
That's been about 5 years now, and I plan on calling them soon to see if they've changed their minds (kind of like JW's do at a "do-not-call" home).
It's hard to do, kind of like emotional suicide.....but it's the right thing to do.
-
Quandry
esw1966,
I'll try this again. I do agree with the posters. Let her think about the last words she ever "spoke" to you.
Well, maybe the last words. Because as I've read some of the posts from others here, it seems that when family problems such as ill health arrive, and family members need some help, guess what? Those apostate relatives just might come in handy! So, you never know what the future will hold. Just be there and at that time show the brotherly love that you've felt all along.
By the way, Frank, I must tell you that your post is terribly upsetting. Please know that I feel for you and for your mother. What she has done to herself is awful, and deep inside she cannot be a happy person. The same goes for you if your mom needs real care, they may be contacting you. After all, they will not see to her needs on a regular basis.
It seems that as time goes by, many are leaving the borg, but the ones that stay are rabid defenders willing to die for men who do not care about them in return.
-
codeblue
Well said Scully
Why do we torture ourselves? Why do we keep going back to the people who emotionally abuse us and reject us in the name of Christian Love™? Why do we torture ourselves? Why do we keep going back to the people who emotionally abuse us and reject us in the name of Christian Love™?