i agree with eclipse. when men sleep around they are players, when women do it, they are labeled sluts.
How could I have been so naive and gullible!?
by Mincan 22 Replies latest jw friends
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nvrgnbk
I got in trouble once for backing Mincan.
I'm not gonna do that again. LOL!
I will say this, Mincan. I know how frustrating it is to feel misunderstood.
Keep expressing yourself. No one is here to judge you.
I wish you peace.
PM me anytime. I'm an oldhead compared to you, but I've seen some $hit.
Later,
Nate
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jwfacts
Oh to have found out what you have found when I was only 20.
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B_Deserter
Think about it this way. If you did end up getting it on with her, she may have had a guilt trip eventually and outed you before you were ready.
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Shawn10538
Never confuse being cute and sweet with being non-sexual. The cutest and sweetest young ladies are just as likely to be promiscuous as young men are. For a reality check, every time you see an innocent looking young lady, picture her with a giant cock in her mouth, some other guys cock, and know that it is a very likely scenario. My cute sweet fiance, Joy Triff, born and raised a Witness and never so much as reproved had eleven sexual partners before I came along, at least two of them married, one a married ministerial servant she carried on with for 5 years. When I hooked up with her, suddenly she wanted to be a saint! Fuck that! she eventually put out, then I get disfellowshipped first time in the sack for me, and she only got reproved privately. WT justice? Remember, women get sex whenever they want. They don't have to beg like men do. The woman decides always. Don't think you are getting points because you "honor" them by not pushing sex. If you don't push sex, then you will become their intellectual whores, friends forever with no benefits while they are out there getting pounded by the "bad boy" that you thought you were being so Good by not being (bad). She'll sleep with someone who knocks her around before she'll sleep with you, the good guy. Then she'll come crying to her best platonic friend for comfort. And even then you are nothing more than a friend.
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R6Laser
How ironic that someone who is living a double life is calling someone else two faced and a 'slut'.
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smellsgood
I was so lock, stock, and barrel in this cult, so sincere, it makes me sick. I didn't realise how two-faced and fake everyone in it was until I left and now all the people out are hanging out with the people in!
Naive? Weren't you born into it? Of course you were naive, you were a child. It makes everyone sick I reckon who finds out what a worthless and ridiculous cult the WT is. There's nothing wrong with being a sincere person, you can still be a sincere person, it is hard to look back and realize how that sincerity was directed at something that was less than worthwhile and a fraud. You've found out about it at a very young age thankfully, you did the best at the time with what you knew, and now that you know different, you're doing different.
I recommended a book on here called "Son of the Revolution" by Liang Heng and Judith Shapiro. I think it would be a good book for you to read. I think it may alleviate some of maybe the feeling of your being a fool rather than being fooled.
I think you really are going through a bit of trauma and a greiving process right now. It's gotta be like a death in the family...maybe there's someone who can walk you through the overwhelming feelings you're probably having right now.
How are you feeling today? -
Mincan
How ironic that someone who is living a double life is calling someone else two faced and a 'slut'
How am I living a double life? I don't go to meetings anymore, I'm completely out of the troof. I do as I feel, and I don't hide it from anyone. I'm not hiding my drinking or smoking dope from my mother. I tell everyone how I'm really doing when they ask me.
As far as I'm concerned, a guy can be a "slut" too. I didn't realise the word was still so loaded in some places. Here the word is thrown about like candy. It's almost a compliment. When I said she was a slut, did I give the impression is was a bad thing? No. It simply is.
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greendawn
You shouldn't be too concerned with this issue you are very young and basically the whole of life is ahead of you, you got out in good time imagine others that were in for 20 or 30 years before waking up and realising that they had been manipulated and exploited to serve the interests of a manmade wealthy corporation.
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brinjen
Naive? Weren't you born into it?
Excellent point smellsgood. Don't go beating yourself up over this Mincan. You're better than that and you deserve better than that. How many people spend their entire lives never waking up to reality? You've done that at the age of 20, that takes guts.
I remember when I first left the twoof, learning of what was really going on in the kingdumb hall. A special pioneer who was 'special' in more than one sense, an elder who got completely off his face every Friday night and that's just the tip of the iceberg. But when you're raised in the twoof (me too), you don't know any different. You have nothing else to compare of this to as this has been your entire life.
It's perfectly normal to feel this way Mincan. Here's a link that I hope will offer you some relief, please read it and look after yourself.
{{{{{{{Mincan}}}}}}}
[Edited to add]
Aaaaarrrgggghhh! It worked in the preview, honest! Then as soon as its posted it displays the wrong page! So here it is directly, taken from the site http://www.docbob.org/modules.php?name=Content&pa=showpage&pid=46
It Hurts The following is how former cult members and members of spiritually abusive systems described how they felt when they finally left their group. This may give you some insight into their pain and why there are no easy answers for them.
This material may be distributed freely but please leave our
original details for identification of source.IT HURTS
IT HURTS to discover you were deceived - that what you thought was the "one true religion," the "path to total fredom," or "truth" was in reality a cult.
IT HURTS when you learn that people you trusted implicitly - whom you were taught not to question - were "pulling the wool over your eyes" albeit unwittingly.
IT HURTS when you learn that those you were taught were your "enemies" were telling the truth after all -- but you had been told they were liars, deceivers, repressive, satanic etc and not to listen to them.
IT HURTS when you know your faith in God hasn't changed - only your trust in an organization - yet you are accused of apostasy, being a trouble maker, a "Judas". It hurts even more when it is your family and friends making these accusations.
IT HURTS to realize their love and acceptance was conditional on you remaining a member of good standing. This cuts so deeply you try and suppress it. All you want to do is forget - but how can you forget your family and friends?
IT HURTS to see the looks of hatred coming from the faces of those you love - to hear the deafening silence when you try and talk to them. It cuts deeply when you try and give your child a hug and they stand like a statue, pretending you aren't there. It stabs like a knife when you know your spouse looks upon you as demonised and teaches your children to hate you.
IT HURTS to know you must start all over again. You feel you have wasted so much time. You feel betrayed, disillusioned, suspicious of everyone including family, friends and other former members.
IT HURTS when you find yourself feeling guilty or ashamed of what you were - even about leaving them. You feel depressed, confused, lonely. You find it difficult to make decisions. You don't know what to do with yourself because you have so much time on your hands now - yet you still feel guilty for spending time on recreation.
IT HURTS when you feel as though you have lost touch with reality. You feel as though you are "floating" and wonder if you really are better off and long for the security you had in the organization and yet you know you cannot go back.
IT HURTS when you feel you are all alone - that no one seems to understand what you are feeling. It hurts when you realize your self confidence and self worth are almost non-existent.
IT HURTS when you have to front up to friends and family to hear their "I told you so" whether that statement is verbal or not. It makes you feel even more stupid than you already do - your confidence and self worth plummet even further.
IT HURTS when you realize you gave up everything for the cult - your education, career, finances, time and energy - and now have to seek employment or restart your education. How do you explain all those missing years?
IT HURTS because you know that even though you were deceived, you are responsible for being taken in. All that wasted time ........ at least that is what it seems to you - wasted time.
THE PAIN OF GRIEF
Leaving a cult is like experiencing the death of a close relative or a broken relationship. The feeling is often described as like having been betrayed by someone with whom you were in love. You feel you were simply used.
There is a grieving process to pass through. Whereas most people understand that a person must grieve after a death etc, they find it difficult to understand the same applies in this situation. There is no instant cure for the grief, confusion and pain. Like all grieving periods, time is the healer.
Some feel guilty, or wrong about this grief. They shouldn't -- It IS normal. It is NOT wrong to feel confused, uncertain, disillusioned, guilty, angry, untrusting - these are all part of the process. In time the negative feelings will be replaced with clear thinking, joy, peace, and trust.
YES - IT HURTS
BUT THE HURTS WILL HEAL WITH TIME,
PATIENCE & UNDERSTANDING
There is life after the cult.(C) Jan Groenveld Internet: [email protected]
Cult Awareness & Information Centre, PO Box 2444,
Mansfield, 4122, AustraliaReproduction is permitted as long as the identifying information remains intact.