by fedorE 14 Replies latest watchtower bible
MATH 26 SAYS JESUS FINDS HIS APOSTLES ASLEEP AS HE WAS PRAYING. HE WAS ALONE. HIS BOYS WERE ALL ASLEEP. NO ONE HEARD HIS WORDS UTTERED IN SOLITUDE.
SO WHO THE HELL WROTE EM DOWN?........IS IT JUST A STORY? ..... COULD THE HOLY SPIRIT OR AN ANGEL HAVE APPEARED TO WHOEVER WROTE THE BOOK AND SAID" AHHH, HANG ON THERE BUDDY, BEFORE U GO ANY FURTHER , I HAVE TO EDIT UR LAST PARAGRAPH....."???? ............
It's Jewish mythology dude!
Like the flaming sword that kept Adam and Eve out of the garden....uh, except that the sword won't be invented for a few hundred years later.
POST-RESSURRECTION SCENE
11 Apostles: Holy Beard of Moses! Is it really you, Lord!?
Jesus: Now listen up, boys. Before you get all weepy on me, I've gotta tell ya that I don't have very long on earth. My hologram batteries are running low. The lazy bastard of a Holy Spirit forgot to put them on re-charge last night. Anyhooo...
11 Apostles: Oh such secrets you have to share with us. We, high school dropouts, do not understand the meaning of your deep illustrations...
Jesus: Shut up! Didn't you hear what I said? My batteries are almost flat. Now, I'm gonna be sending you a manuscript of my last words either by (1) dove, by (2) Pentecostal heebie jeebie revelation in Mary's house or (3) e-mail. You've gotta put that...
11 Apostles: What's e-..?
Jesus: Damn! Just listen will ya! Sheesh... What's a God gotta do to get some uninterrupted attention around here? You've gotta put this manuscript in the scrolls about my life, kay? Don't lose em! Oh and uh... I was rather thrown off by Judas' Frenching me in the Garden that night. So please add whatever you need to spice it up abit ok? Esp the bit where I implore my Old Man to let me off the hook. Add some element of intensity, preferrably involving some blood. Blood's good.
Keep up the good work boys! Make me more converts. Oh and where's Mark?! Mark, you son of a goat! Don't leave your Gospel hanging with two different conclusions!! The time will come when men will judge us harshly for our lack of consistency. If you'd only stop your womanising and your propensity to drink too much! I think I will have to raise a greater apostle soon. One with many draconian opinions and Puritan view of life who will contribute more to my sacred texts than any of you losers ever will. Dang, he'll probably have to be a Pharisee in that case. Gotta use some hocus pocus to dazzle that one then. Fancy words won't be enough.
Now GO!!
Gymbob said:
"It's Jewish mythology dude! Like the flaming sword that kept Adam and Eve out of the garden....uh, except that the sword won't be invented for a few hundred years later"
Yo, Gymbob, AWESOME thought, man. I had not thought about that before, but yeah, how is there going to be a flaming sword when it hadn't been invented. In fact had anything been invented at that time?
Okay, Inquisitor....I'm adding you to my list of Comedy Relief posters. This was HILARIOUS!
Between you and DeaconblueZ we could have an ex-JW Comedy Club nite.
I'm gonna be sending you a manuscript of my last words either by (1) dove, by (2) Pentecostal heebie jeebie revelation in Mary's house or (3) e-mail. You've gotta put that...
11 Apostles: What's e-..?
Could it possibly be mythology, fable, story telling of ancient lore
It is after all important to acknowledge when in time of human existence these words were written
Human ignorance plays a major roll in past mythologies and spiritualism and there are many examples of this not just in the bible
Once a person goes into an in depth study of ancient times that this becomes very apparent.
Holy Spirit is capable of communicating these things or Jesus could have related it; whatever. It was conveyed and recorded and it's reliable.
After the Ten Plagues, the next Pharaoh of Egypt, Akhenaten was so impressed/traumatized he immediately saw the gods of Egypt as "worthless" and began to worship Yahweh, whom he addressed as Aten in association with Aten's provision of sunlight and what it does, how it brings life, etc. He became this God's prophet and said his God told him where to build an altar to him. Akhenaten (1378-1360 BCE) actually says it was no one's idea but the inspiration of his God. And the Bible confirms this would be done (Isa 19:19). But what I find fascinating is that the CONCEPT and EMOTIONAL FEELING this God inspires in his prophets is consistent, thus long before David came on the scene (950-910 BCE) Akhenaten's Hymms had the the same "ring" and tenor as those found in the Psalms, so much so that some believe there is no way they are not connected by direct influence.
http://kemet.250x.com/psalm104.html
In Jesus' case, certainly we would expect that he'd be interested in having these things recorded, but in that regard, the apostles had plenty of one-on-one with Jesus after he was resurrected when he could have directly instructed them what to write or related the specific details of what happened which would have been written down and then later recorded by the final writers of the gospels. Not only did Jesus appear up to 40 days after his resurrection but after that as an angel. So in this case, there are plenty of options and explanations.
JCanon
Good God!
Where's your faith?!
LMFAO!
Jc canon
I appreciate ur thougts..i really do. I have always had a deep deep respect for the Bible ..which turned into suspicion but still tempered with some respect ..just in case i was wrong of course(hypocrite thati am strictly speaking) however it does seem to me..STRICTLY SPEAKING that when u begin to say this could have ocurred after the ressurection., or that could have occured after this other event...THEN BY THE BIBLES OWN DEFINITION "YOU ARE GOING BEYOND WHAT IS WRITTEN."............As an aside im not the bible reader i used to be but heres another point u can help me out with...
The bible says jesus knew from the begining that Judas would betray him(John 6:64) Well holy shit batman! If this is true then he how can we get around the fact that he would have included him for this very purpose?HOW?.......Its seems easier to conclude that its just a story or part of the events that occured but not quite accurate.....consider that in Mark 18-18-21 he says IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF HE HADNT BEEN BORN....BUT IF HE HAD NEVER BEEN BORN HOW WOULD THE SCRIPTURE HAVE BEEN FULFILLED AND WHY WOULD JESUS PRONOUNCE A WOE ON HIM?.....CONSIDER THAT MAN'S DESTINY IS AT STAKE HERE ..THE SON OF GOD IS ABOUT TO DIE FOR MANKIND AND ALL OF A SUDDEN JESUS SAYS IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF HE HADNT BEEN BORN ...WHAT THE HOLY HELL IS THAT???? ......AND what about the fact it says SATAN THE DEVIL HIMSELF entered judas..what the hell does that mean...just what it says right? Well hadnt the apostles been excorsising demons who were scared shitless of them...why didnt they remove SATAN HIMSELF from Judas......it doesnt make a lot of sense all the time...it seems easier sometimes to read the bible like it was a story rather than accurate historical fact.......but then again what do i know im not arrogant enough to say its not true its just seems that way and makes me consider it under suspicion.
In a way I hate that this is my very first post, but I feel it necessary that I inform you all that this "JCanon" just happens to be a person who claims to be Jesus Christ himself. Yes, he claims to be the REAL Jesus Christ. Has he bothered to tell you that yet? He is a person who used to post on the old H20 board.
Pallbearer
