my father is a PO and didnt shun my brother, sister or myself. (a mix of df, da, and straight out apostacy) most of the other jws in the congregation had no problem warmly greeting me when i attended my grandmothers funeral. it pissed me off so much that after staying in the cult for years after i realized it was crap there was none of the threatened shunning. i should have left sooner.
Shunning of ex JW family members imposed or optional?
by greendawn 24 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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Gopher
manhas...
Some JW's (but not all) suspend their usual coldness when dealing with grieving relatives of a deceased JW. I didn't get any coldness at my JW grandmother's funeral last year either. It resumed the next day.
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Pistoff
Ask ten witnesses, you might get ten different answers.
There is no monolithic response to this; some are hard core, as my brother is, and others are lenient and understanding.
Most in my family are HARD CORE.
I have a brother in law who shuns his son, even though he thinks his son was df'd wrongly.
I have a brother who did not attend his son's wedding, son was df'd.
I have mother and father in law who want to see their grandchild, but will not see the child's father, their own grandson, even though they have routine and regular contact with worldly relatives, including those who hate the witnesses, and one evangelical who has tried repeatedly to question their faith. The grandson, by the way, has lived clean (not reinstated) for years, graduated college, job, stable, etc. Not good enough for them even to spend 1 hour with him.
I have given up; I don't have any angry left. -
Gill
Well, if anyone doubts it they should visit our local cong.
Turns out my sister in law was DF'd a few months ago (something we only just learned about) and my parents in law who shun US for simply not attending any more, have been told by the local body of elders that if they continue to visit her and allow her to visit them they WILL be disfellowshiped!
Feel the lub!!!
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troubled mind
I remember back in the early 70's the general opinion was if a family member was Da'd / Df'd you would just never speak of spiritual things with them ..but family was still family . That was at least the case in my family . Then in the 80's there were articles that suggested a harder line with dealing with Df'd relatives ......this lead to many forming their own views of how much was too much contact . Finally by 2002 the information was crystal clear from mother ship .....no room for conjecture . How much inforcement of said rules depends on how gestapo like your elder body is ...... In my hall alone I can give three examples of how different the advice from elders can vary : # 1 ) I had been very depressed because of the new light on shunning Da'd relatives ...so Elder Mark tells me: 'don't worry so much about shunning your older brother that has been Da'd for over 30yrs. , he is no longer in the military the action on which he was Da'd ' .( Yet the literature said something entirely different ?) #2) Best friends have df'd 19 yr. old son living with them , father is advised by elder Joe that it is not proper that the father and son do recreational activities together like fishing and boating . Their relationship should no longer seem to be same as always because it doesn't punish son and is a bad example , could stumble unlookers .(I kid you not ! ) Father was threatened with loss of priveledges over this ....he had the balls to keep associating with his son . #3) Distressed pioneer sister is despondant over not being able to attend her Df'd daughters wedding in another state . Daughter was seeking reinstatement at the time , but because she insisted on marrying her unbelieving fiance she was not being reinstated . Elder Jay tells pioneer sister and family to go ahead and go to wedding 'Just Be sure Not to tell ANYONE ' . Her witness sister even was part of the ceremony by being maid of honor ! Right before I quit there was a huge fiasco because a wedding couple had allowed her df'd brother attend the reception and an Elder gave the prayer over the meal ....OMG !!! the fallout was crazy . Other Elders and family walked out of the party and went right into JC's with the couple and the elder . Nearly split the congregation up . Best conclusion for me has been THESE people ARE nuts !
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Thinking of Leaving
My mother is still a JW and I'm DF, she's never been counselled to shun me in any way, if anything they want her to encourage me to return to the org
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journey-on
'Just Be sure Not to tell ANYONE '
I think this is the key. Just don't talk about it to the nosey sisters if you do associate with them. JWs women are some of the most gossipy people in the world....boy could I tell you some stories!!!
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Mulan
I think it's optional. Some do shun and others do not.
Maybe it's where they live, the personality of the local congregation, or the personality of the family. I can't say for sure. Our family does not shun us, but I know others whose families do shun them.
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Orgull
According to recent clarifications from the society, it's not optional. But it's very hard to enforce.
There's a brother who used to be in our hall who lives with a disfellowshipped guy and according to the watchtower, since the brother is not family, he could be disfellowshipped himself if he willfully associates with him.
Same with the blood thing. Willfull disobedience of the blood restriction leads to disfellowshipping.
Also a recent article is seetting things up so that someone addicted to porn can be disfellowshipped.
It's all very Nazi.
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Miss Bliss
Luckily for me I was out before this "New Light" in 2002..Didn't know they had come down that much harder on the whole shunning thing....Apart from my parents (My Mom is a rebel and doesn't even know it) I shunned everyone else, friends and even a few distant family members. I did not go to any family funerals that took place in a Kingdom Hall anymore than I would expect the JW's to come to a church for a funeral.
I quess my parents and I kind of have a don't ask don't tell policy because I am pretty sure other than my mothers close friends she sure doesn't go around saying she has an apostate daughter, that might put a damper on things with this whole 2002 business. Thank goodness she is the master of denial after being in JW's for her whole life that I quess she can ignore the fact that I'm "unbelieving"