Wife has disassociated, even being shunned by non-jw dad.

by Ironhead 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • Ironhead
    Ironhead

    My wife has only been to one meeting in 13 months, and during this past year, she has been quite the little apostate. She has been warning her work colleague, our neighbours, and anybody who would listen about the witnesses. Mrs Iron has been quite a little star in that area. However around six weeks ago, her mother, who has been on her back for not attending meetings, phoned to ask if she needed transport to go to the convention. When she refused saying that she's never going to the meetings again and wants to leave the borg, her mother being a sad jw wasn't pleased. This is part of their conversation:

    Mum: "You don't appreciate the things this family has done for you."

    Wife: "Just because I don't want to be a witness any longer, you say say something like this. I had no choice in becoming a witness. This religion is false, evil, willing to break up families, and let people die for a stupid blood policy. I get it. You know what your problem is? You can no longer speak to speak when I leave, and it's getting to you. It's not very loving is it?"

    Mum: "Yes it is".

    Wife: "No it's not. Well it's very christian is it? How can you being a parent shun your own daughter"?

    Mum: "You're an evil girl. You don't love God, neither does Ironhead".

    Wife: "Don't you ever accuse my husband of not loving God. How do you know what he thinks?"

    Her mum gets of the phone crying, and then her dad gets on the phone.

    Dad: "Why have you upset your mother?"

    Wife: "I've not upset her, she's upset herself. She's crying because I want to leave the witnesses, and the society forbid her and the rest of the family to speak to me".

    Dad: "Why you leaving? It's the truth!"

    Wife: "It's not the truth. It's a lie. The witnesses deceive people. The elders interfere in people's life, telling them they should live, what to wear, what sort of job they should do".

    Dad: "It is the truth. We're living in the last days".

    Wife "But it doesn't mean the witnesses have the truth.

    Dad: "Anyway. The elders don't interfere in peoples lives".

    Wife: "Yes they do. We would be paying of debts, working six days a week, if the watchtower, and it's cronies the elders encourage people to pioneer, also attend too many meetings wearing a suit which cost quite a bit".

    Dad: "Well it's your fault. You don't have to do those things. I don't believe for a minute that the elders would do that".

    Wife: "Dad you're not even a witness. When you get baptised, then you'll see the witnesses for what they are. They're good at manipulating. Making the brothers and sisters guilty, so they can do more for the society. They even use our own families as hostages to get what they want, knowing that shunning works."

    The conversation ended, because her dad was just being a jerk. Things had moved forward since then. After the convention the elders have attempted to call on her twice, but she would answer the door, fearing that I would give the elders a beating, and she didn't want my name being dragged around the circuit saying that I've returned to my old ways. Last week she'd sent her letter of disassociation to the BOE, and should be announced this coming week. Yesterday her mum phoned. My wife told her about disassociating herself. She knew my wife would. Then her dad comes on the phone being an idiot, repeating the same conversation from six weeks ago. This time what he said surprised my wife.

    Dad: "I've changed since I started studying." (He's been studying on and off for 10years, struggles cos he can't read, but we don't think he has)

    Wife: "People change when they become involved in any religion, and most of them were sad before they joined".

    Dad: "We're not supposed to talk to you because you're a corrupting influence".

    Wife: "Looks like there's been a family meeting discussing me. I'm not staying in a religion that I hate, so you can associate together. I'm not here to please you or any body. Look! I'm always there for the family and I want to talk to them, but you're just following a corrupt organisation".

    Dad; "You think I'm going choose my wife over YOU! Bollocks to you! ( gets of the phone)

    Mum: (now on the phone) "I've not seen you for six months anyway, so we're getting use to not seeing you ever again. Bye".

    The wife expected that this was going to happen, but was stunned by her father's comments. The man can't even read, yet has been influenced by jw family to say these things and have no contact with her. She's upset, but believes that it's for the best, because she's never really had a close relationship with her family from being young. What really angers the two of us is this. Her mum, dad, sister, uncle and aunt don't work, because of minor ailments and bone idleness.They abuse the welfare state, by doing paid work when they suppose to be ill, yet think they're better people than my wife, because she isn't a jw. She's a thousand times better than they are. My wife's life has improved since we've been married, she's at college part-time, confident in her abilities, something she never had in her years as a witness.

  • Stealth453
    Stealth453

    Wow. Can't you just feel the love?

    I feel for you guys. I have been shunned by my family for almost 30 years.

    Keep strong. Hopefully, someday, they will see the watchliar sociopath society for what they really are.

    Peace to you and your Mrs.

    Stealth

  • Effervescent
    Effervescent

    Big hugs to your wife! That poor thing!

    I'm sure the fact she is finding happiness and her way in life is contributing to the sniping and obvious jealousy from her family. How dare she leave the organization, have a happy life, become educated and confident!?!

    Although this has got to be so hard for her, it almost sounds like removing themselves from associating may be doing you and your wife a favor. It's so sad how allegiance to a religion supercedes love of family....

  • blondie
    blondie

    I wonder why her father if he thinks it is the "truth" has taken 10 years to make an honest man of himself and get baptized. It would be like living with someone without marrying to believe it is the "truth" and not get baptized. I'm sure this will make him really examine what he does believe and he might even see a side of the WTS he has not seen before.

    ((hugs)) to you both; I know what it is like to have your family mark you as bad association even without having disassociated.

    Love, Blondie

  • freetosee
    freetosee

    Welcome! Its good both of you made it out together. You story is so similar to other experiences I have heard. Self righteous jws living off the beast and working besides while not paying taxes. I know a few pioneers doing that. Your father-in-law will get the love bombing once he starts leaning towards the wts and will not see the pressure until much later. Your wife has done the right thing! fts

  • CaptainSchmideo
    CaptainSchmideo
    Bollocks to you!

    Um, what scripture is he quoting from there?

  • unique1
    unique1

    Awww... hugs to Mrs Ironhead. I am so sorry to hear that your family has chosen to listen to the JW's on this matter. Unfortunately mine have to. It takes time to heal. Best wishes!!

  • ex-nj-jw
    ex-nj-jw

    ((((((((((((((((((((Mr.& Mrs. Ironhead))))))))))))))))))))))

    I'm with Blondie, if it's the truth why has it taken him 10+ years to get dunked? At least you have each other, it would be worse if she was out and you still in, (or you out and she in). So ban together and tell the rest of them to kiss where the sun don't shine

    nj

  • Ironhead
    Ironhead

    Thanks for your replies. I've spoken to her on the phone, and she's quite upset today. I was willing to go to my father-in-law, and smack his head, but I have to respect her wishes. My father-in-law isn't baptized, nor is he an unbaptized publisher. He doesn't wear a suit, not even a shirt and tie when he goes to meetings about once a month, and he hates being told what to do. My wife wants him and the rest of the family to learn the hard way, because when he's baptized, they can control every member of my wife's family. He won't take it, when the elders hound him. I'm angry, because he's a non-witness and has treated his daughter once too often like she doesn't exist. He's never been a real father to her. That's why the wife when she was younger, used to have fantasies of hitting him over the head with a hammer.

  • ex-nj-jw
    ex-nj-jw

    I find the most effective way to handle annoying JW parents (or in her case JW wanna be dad), just ignore him, people like this enjoy drama, and if they can create drama or keep it going in any way they love it. Tell 'em to get on with the shunning for peace sake!

    Tell her to ignore them and if she speaks to them, not to let them upset her (she may need valium to accomplish this), but I think at this point she's made her stand and if they can't get to her with words maybe they'll let up a little!

    nj

    Give her a hug from me!

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