by Billzfan23 21 Replies latest jw friends
I would leave the words "Jehovah's Witnesses" out all together and word it more along the lines of: "Mrs. X seems to believe that..." During our marriage Mrs. X taught/believed/would not allow the children to.../had the children engaging in..." and provide examples (not too many).
I (df'd) got sole custody of our son with jw dad. This is very difficult in BC where custody is assumed to be 50/50 unless you can prove that this is not in the best interest of the child.
Rose
If at all possible, leave religion out of it. The judge might dismiss it. Concentrate on her behavior and actions that you yourself have witnessed. Has she ever:
Based on the few divorce cases we have worked on, the court's will NOT decided on how a child is to be reared religion wise. The court's do not feel that it is their job and often judges are frightened that any such ruling will be appealed and over turned. Judges hate things going to the appellate court and being over turned. That being said, I don't think it is wrong to bring up religion. It is a common subject brought up in divorce actions. There are many families that are a blend of religions and when the parents divorce then it becomes an issue. However, it is the my way of the highway approach that the court's do not like. Because essentially how are YOU any different from your wife, by saying that you way is better, considering she feels her way is better. You need to stay objective as much as possible.
Most likely what will happen is that the judge will say that your wife is allowed to teach your kids the way she wants in her house and you are likewise allowed to do the same. We (as ex-JWs) know that this is very hard because of the black and white approach to their beliefs.
In Cook County the kids are automatically appointed a Guardian ad Litem. The Guardian is suppose to have the kids interest at heart. Also, there is an evaluation that is done (I cannot think of the name of it right now) where the kids meet w/ a shrink that evaluates the kids and makes suggestions to the court based on those meetings. You may want to seek that as well. This may establish if your kids are suffering w/ any anxiety associated w/ being in a JW house and a house w/ an ex-JW.
Billz - your kids are in the worst spot of all. I hope the best for you all. Just keep in mind, your kids did not sign up for this fight but are the little victims that will suffer the most (as w/ must divorces involving kids). Good luck to you. Think about family counseling w/ the kids to help the transition process.
Get a copy of the book the WTS has that gives instructions on how to have your child (parent) lie in court.
I can't remember the name of the book right off hand, but I'm sure someone here knows. You can obtain a copy on ebay. I DO know that, because I was able to get one for a friend a few months ago.
This cult does tremendous damage to children. If you leave religion out, then you overlook all of the childhood psychological issues. I dont know his wife personally but if religion werent an issue in this case, then it falls upon the merits of both parents. She may be an OK parent if it wasnt for the religion. I just dont see how you can totally avoid it, if you do, then she could win the case as judges are reluctant to award custody to the father.
There have been a few cases where the judge has forbidden the non-custodial parent from taking children to the kingdom hall.
Remember you can do it, you just have to be careful how you word it. Dont make it seem like you hate her religion, but make it sound like you are looking out for your childrens best interest-- and getting a college education, allowed to have a normal dating life, being allowed to participate in school activities, being allowed to have childhood friends outside of the cult---these are all in the best interest of the children.
Good luck, and if you need any ideas, then feel free to ask.
It is incredibly relevant fo the judge to know that when the children are with the JW parent they will be subjected to five hours a week of conditioning that
1) Teaches them their non-JW parent is part of Satan and will be destroyed at Armaggedon.
2) Teaches them that they are not good enough for salvation themselves if they do not spend additional hours (ten) a month in field service trying to teach others the essential idea espouse in item 1.
3) Teaches them that education, recreation, art, music, sports, or any other type of interest healthy kids might have takes valuable time away from item 2.
4) Teaches them that because they have these interests (whether they are allowed to participate) and desire to participate, they too will be destroyed at Armaggedon.
5) Teaches them to "treat as dead" those former members of the church that have left, whether voluntarily or by disfellowshipping-and that this could happen to them too if they don't follow items 2-4.
6) Teaches them to lie when it is inconvenient to tell the truth, or when the person inquiring doesn't deserve the truth.
7) Teaches them that should they be abused or molested that going to civil authorities will subject them to item 5.
8) Teaches them that if they have friends that aren't JWs, those friends are all evil, and in turn, you children will become evil.
Then it would be important for a judge to know that the children will be kept out late two nights a week, and will be required to spend however many days, all day, at assemblies, special meetings and conventions, sitting quiet all day, listening to all of the above.
It would also be important for the judge to know that the JW parent would try to prevent life-saving blood transfusions.
And finally, it would be important for the judge to see the JW parent painted as an individual with a mental dependency on a quasi-religious organization, and that would cause the JW parent to put the organization's needs above the children's, perhaps to the point of shunning them should they at any point reject her belief system. Then demonstrate HOW HARMFUL it is for the children to be loved only conditionally, and that you fear for their emotional. physical, and spiritual well-being if their religious upbringing were left up to the JW parent. (Any facts about the JW parent refusing to miss a meeting when the child was sick, either taking the child while ill, or leaving them and not staying home to care for them?)
There is a lot more, but the legal standard with child custody is best interest of the child. The key here is to demonstrate how exposure to this religion is not in the best interest of the child.
Shoshana
but the legal standard with child custody is best interest of the child
Thus, the need for a child rep. An impartial party to evaluate the kids and make a determination that is the best interest of the kids.
And the child rep needs to know about these issues. Just talking to the children may or may not convince them.
Has anyone been in a situation where they have sent Carolyn Wah, attorney for the WT to your custody case? If so what was the outcome?
La Capra,Great post! I agree that the JW cult has to be mentioned in court.
