I am new here, but reading this is helping me so much, I have just hit my 6 months of no ministry mark, so am now "inactive". My mother is trying to guilt trip me to come back to the meetings, and I don't know if I have the strength to withstand the pressure. I asked her if she wanted me to do things because I felt they were right or because it made her happy, she answered that she wanted me to do things as they would please Jehovah, but thats just it...Jehovah isn't real to me anymore. i see things for what they are. the kingdom hall is nothing more than a brain washing facility. Where we are not allowed to question the elders and the method of doing things.
At the moment I'm ok as I and a friend decided at the same time that the Jdub thing was utter nonsense and stopped going at the same time, so at least I have someone to hang with who undertsands what I'm going thru completely. But my mate is soon to go away and I will be alone, my old book study conductor keeps calling and trying to meet me, but I have managed so far to avoid him. But I truly am worried that I'll slide back into teh old routine of meetings as it just makes my family life easier.