Hi all,
I just wanted to to write quickly and let you all know how proud I am of myself...
This weekend, Hubby and I took the kids to my Mom and Dad for a visit. I have avoided doing this for a while, just because I get so stressed when we get together.
For example, if they come to my house, I do a massive tidy up, hide all my son's controversial toys (you know - what he calls "Armies" - little green soldiers, water pistols that resemble guns, and that sort of thing) make sure there are no birthday/christmas/mothers's day cards, hide my sex and the city dvd collection, etc... I am sure you will understand, anything that my mother could come across and use as a reason to fight with me, things that would "disappoint" her, and then would start the gulit trip...
Anyway, I digress... so this weekend... I decide that we will go visit them and I decide that, screw everything, I am not doing the whole Double Life Hide Anything That Would Offend Mom or Dad routine, so my son went in his camo shirt, and took one of his "armies" with (see the aformentioned definition) and my little girl started singing "happy birthday" for no reason except that she likes to sing and that is a fun song, and you know what, I did not flinch, my heart did not beat faster, I did not start breathing fast or blush, or all the other panicky things I normally do when I think my cover is about to be blown, I just carried on, as normal. My mom looked at the little soldier and said in her usual voice of JW disapproval " What on earth is this" to which my son answered innocently,"it's an army Gran", and I said nothing. When my daughter started serenading us with Happy Birthday, my mother asked whose birthday it was and I said no one, she just likes the song, and no comment was made about the camo tshirt.
And when we left my parents house, I felt calm... just fine... not relieved that we had survived another visit, just calm. And a small incy wincy part of me was even disappointed that she did not react hugely to anything, because I would then have had things out with her once and for all... I guess as I read this and think of what I am telling you all, the point is this... In the last few weeks of reading and parcipating regularly on this forum, I have started to feel not so all alone and guilty and bad anymore, I am getting stronger and maybe, oneday I will actually take a stand, and truly walk away!
Thanks Guys!!!