Will love conquer all?

by LouiseAlly 13 Replies latest social relationships

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  Nosferatu

  If I were you, I'd consider myself lucky that he buggered off. JWs NEVER love their families first. They love their religion, the leaders of their religion, the elders, and those who are "strong" in the congregation before they love their wives/husbands and children. If their mate or child should get disfellowshipped, they will cut the person out of their life, no matter if they're related.
  
  Your ex was already married to the JW religion. He would always love that, the elders, and the congregation before he loved you or any children you had with him.
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  mentalclearness

  How to talk about spirituality
  By Margot Carmichael Lester So you don't identify yourself as Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, or a follower of any of the major religions? That doesn't mean issues of faith don't crop up when you're dating.

  You don't have to attend worship services regularly for spirituality to play a role in your life. Even if you're not a daily communicant or weekly worshipper, you'll probably want to talk about your beliefs and their place in your life. Because once you start dating someone — regardless of his or her faith — the two of you will probably face many of the same questions that religious couples do, says Molleen Matsumura, who writes the Sweet Reason column for the nonreligious in Humanist Network News. The most common issues that daters discuss are:
  How do you cope with life's tragedies (like catastrophic illness or death)?
  Where do you find friends who share your values and help you keep your relationship strong?
  If you want children, what values should you teach them, and how?
  What can you do to make the world a better place?
  It's unlikely that these sorts of deep issues will crop up on a first or second date, but talking about these big-picture ideas is definitely a way to bond as you get closer to someone.

  Dealing with conflicts
  When you do discuss such matters with someone you're dating, conflicting views, values and beliefs will emerge. So agree in advance that your goal is to figure out what makes your relationship stronger, not who's right. "Look for something in your belief system that fits in, even a tiny way, with your partner's views," Matsumara says. "Next, think of something you admire about your date [and] let your discussion build on what you do share."

  Of course, you may find that there isn't enough common ground on which to continue building your relationship. Seattleites Tom and Marissa didn't consider themselves religious. "But Marissa insisted we talk very early on about our values and morals," Tom recalls. "At first I thought it was kind of unnecessary, but as we got into it, I realized there were a lot of important things we didn't match up on. We decided to break up because there were some serious disconnects."

  Planning ahead
  If you're spiritually compatible, begin thinking about how your spirituality will manifest itself in your daily lives as the two of you go forward. "Mark and I synched up pretty well in terms of our values," notes Marianne of Atlanta. "But as our relationship progressed, we weren't prepared for how our decisions about certain holidays would be received by our parents, who are all very religious."

  To avoid a similar fate, Matsumura suggests following these tips:
  Plan ahead for how to deal with family. "Don't let your partner take blame for agreements you've made that your family dislikes," she says. In other words, don't tell your parents, "Even if Cory wasn't an atheist, I still wouldn't be going to church every Sunday." Own your decisions and beliefs openly.
  Don't take your own assumptions for granted. Even if you aren't formally practicing a faith, you still have ideas you were taught about issues like forgiveness and obedience. "You won't discover some differences till you're in the middle of them," Matsumura notes. "Then, be willing to look at the issue in a new way." This was a challenge for Shelly of Baltimore. "I wasn't raised in a religious household, but didn't think it would matter much when I started dating Matthew, who was a lapsed Catholic. Turns out that our backgrounds did have an impact. When I revealed to him that I'd once briefly dated a married man, it was a big problem for him; the sanctity of marriage is something that was really stressed in his upbringing. Frankly, I had never really considered what I'd done from a perspective like his. It took a lot of heartfelt discussions and some time for us to go forward after that."
  Learn from others: Try studying not only each other's traditions, but other people's, too. "For example, if one of you is Jewish and one is Christian, find out what a Buddhist would say about your concerns," she explains. "Find out what works for other couples with differing beliefs."
  Following this advice will help spiritual harmony reign in your relationships.
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  5go

  Following this advice will help spiritual harmony reign in your relationships.

  I love it when the most sect prone religion to ever exist talks about bringing harmony to my relationships.
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  delilah

  Allison....hi and welcome.

  First, let me ask you this," what do your parents think about you studying with the witnesses"?

  Secondly, I have to tell you, DON'T STUDY if you are doing it just to get your boyfriend back. It sounds like he's moved on, and maybe you need to also hon.

  This is a religion that once you are in, it will destroy your entire family. You will no longer be allowed to celebrate the holidays, or go to weddings or funerals that are in a Catholic church....this puts enormous strain on your relationship with your family.

  Please reconsider......I beg you. DON'T STUDY with the witnesses. END it now, and look for someone with similar interests. Forget this guy.

  I firmly believe that if it's meant to be, it will happen on it's own. (I'm talking about this guy you were dating).

  ONE MORE THING......guys may come and go, but your family is your family forever. Without family, you've got nothing, and the witnesses are NOT your family. Believe me.

  Been there, done that, now I'm living my life happy and free. I wish you the same.