I came to a disturbing realization today

by Stealth453 33 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Stealth453

  This morning, someone mistakenly text my cell phone asking that I send them some money. The text was addressed to "Paul". My wife read the text, and jokingly asked me if I was "pretending to be Paul".

  I answered her, "Paul? I have enough trouble pretending to be me".

  Then I realized that my entire life was just pretend. During my formative years, I was told, by the wtbts, what to do, what to be, and what to think. I was never allowed to experience life, make friends, form bonds, be my own person, or develop the life skills that I would need as an adult.

  Now, I "pretend" to be a good father, husband, grandfather, lover, brother, friend, neighbour, man.

  I must admit, it really rocked me to the very core of my being.

  Thanks for listening to an old man's rant.
• 

  wozadummy

  Hey Stealth ,chill out a bit we all think you're real
• 

  Stealth453

  Thanks buddy.....sometimes the watchtower ghosts haunt this old fella, even after all these years.
• 

  Xena

  Your post made me think of this song:

  The Stranger LyricsArtist(Band):Billy Joel
  
  
  Well we all have a face
  That we hide away forever
  And we take them out and
  Show ourselves
  When everyone has gone
  Some are satin some are steel
  Some are silk and some are leather
  They're the faces of the stranger
  But we love to try them on
  
  Well we all fall in love
  But we disregard the danger
  Though we share so many secrets
  There are some we never tell
  Why were you so surprised
  That you never saw the stranger
  Did you ever let your lover see
  The stranger in yourself?
  
  Don't be afraid to try again
  Everyone goes south
  Every now and then
  You've done it, why can't
  Someone else?
  You should know by now
  You've been there yourself
  
  Once I used to believe
  I was such a great romancer
  Then I came home to a woman
  That I could not recognize
  When I pressed her for a reason
  She refused to even answer
  It was then I felt the stranger
  Kick me right between the eyes
  
  Well we all fall in love
  But we disregard the danger
  Though we share so many secrets
  There are some we never tell
  Why were you so surprised
  That you never saw the stranger
  Did you ever let your lover see
  The stranger in yourself?
  
  Don't be afraid to try again
  Everyone goes south
  Every now and then
  You've done it why can't
  Someone else?
  You should know by now
  You've been there yourself
  
  You may never understand
  How the stranger is inspired
  But he isn't always evil
  And he is not always wrong
  Though you drown in good intentions
  You will never quench the fire
  You'll give in to your desire
  When the stranger comes along.

  I think we all play parts in our lives to one degree or another and let very few people see the real person...sometimes not even ourselves.
• 

  Stealth453

  Wow...great tune....I had forgotten about that one.

  Love Billy Joel.

  So true.
• 

  lisavegas420

  Now, I "pretend" to be a good father, husband, grandfather, lover, brother, friend, neighbour, man.

  Pretending? I prefer to call it "acting'

  I "act" like a perfect wife, mother, grandmother, lover, friend, neighbor, woman.

  I've going for my Oscar!

  lisa
• 

  Stealth453

  I've going for my Oscar!

  Want some competition?

  Acting is a better way to express it.

  Thanks Lisa.
• 

  AK - Jeff

  Now, I "pretend" to be a good father, husband, grandfather, lover, brother, friend, neighbour, man.

  Do you mean that? Really? None of what you do in those various roles is legitimately you, and honestly good? I doubt that sincerely. We all play some games at times I suppose in the continuum of relationships, but likely most of what you do in those relationships is real. Or do I somehow miss the point here?

  Jeff [of the 99.9% real class]
• 

  Stealth453

  do I somehow miss the point here?

  I don't think so. I was just commenting on the fact that those of us that grew up in the org were never allowed to be. We were told what to do, expect, and think. I personally feel that that was a detriment to our growth as human beings.

  We were never allowed to experience life as it really was, and that has stunted our growth as human beings.

  Therefore, we "pretend" to be, or as Lisa put it, we "act".

  There are no sure fire answers or instructions in life, but it has been my observation that those of us that grew up as jw's, were never granted the opportunity to experience life for what it really is.

  I was in bethel at the age of 15. Yes, you heard me right...15. Why? Because my arsehole elder/PO father thought it would be a better "learning experience" than secular education.

  By the way....Greenlees was my first room-mate.

  So...now...I pretend to exist.
• 

  lisavegas420

  I felt, growing up in it...that I was always "on stage". I mean...others are watching, you might stumble someone. Jehovah see's all!!!

  plus...no one could see what what was really going on in my head.

  lisa