Anniversary...

tall penguin

I posted this on my blog:

http://www.tallpenguin.com/2007/08/anniversary.html

But I wanted to post it here as well.

Two years ago today, it was announced at my local Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses that I was no longer one of them. And that's when the shunning began. I had attempted to send out a letter to a few of my close friends before the announcement was made as to why I was leaving so they wouldn't be shocked and at least I could say goodbye. One friend, who I'd known since I was 5 years old responded with anger. Another refused to speak to me, even before the announcement was made. Of all the people I knew and loved my whole life in that group, there was only one that wished me well.

I was alone the night the announcement was made. I heard it through a hook up patched secretly into the meeting's phone line. I was at a cottage, supposed to be enjoying a much-needed holiday. J was working that week and would arrive later. But I was alone when the announcement was made. And I cried alone.

When I was 15 my grandfather died. I was alone when I got the call from my parents. I cried alone then too.

J is gone now (the boyfriend I left the jw's with--we broke up a few months ago--it's been hard). The last witness to my jw past. I have been perusing photos today. We were happy once. We shared a lot of good times. Now they are gone. Like all the others in those photos. They are all gone. It is unlikely I will ever see these people again. Just like I will never see my grandfather again. Part of me has died along with each of them. And here I am, once more crying alone.

It is raining outside my window as I type this. The sky is gray, heavy with sadness. My heart feels like it has sunk into my stomach.

I do not yet feel the freedom of being released from the Matrix. The illusion was a warm blanket in a harsh world. All I feel is grief. The grief of what will never be again. And the unanswerable question of whether it ever was to begin with.

tall penguin

Dragonlady76

((((tall penguin))))

It will get better, stay strong and keep your chin up, I firmly believe that things happen for a reason.

Gretchen956

Tall Penguin it sometimes takes a very long time to come to peace after being brainwashed by this or any other cult. If you are feeling extremely despondent, please find someone to talk to about this, many therapists are well versed in helping escape from this type of high-control group.

It will get better, and as it gets better you will experience all the phases of grief, including anger and finally you will find that peace you are looking for.

If you would like to talk to a non-therapist that has been there, feel free to PM me

Sherry

Sparkplug

Tall Penguin~ The freedom comes with time alone sometimes. It has taken me three attemps and

ten years away this time for my mind to be free. That seems like a long time, but with a good 27 years before the ten years away, of brainwashing, I think I am making a good doubletime, if not tripletime. It will come honey. Do things outside the normal with yourself. Join groups without J. Do things in the community and with people you normally would not have joined in with. Perhaps just local charities and city council groups. Things like that will get you involved, help you make friends, help you find a voice and a pourpose. Make a new type of family. Then if you have not found out allready, maybe like some of us you will see you have so many opinions. So many you can't shut up! It is liberating. Learning temperance is always fun too. lol

I am sorry you are alone right now, but hopefully us being here gives you someone to talk to.

Lots of love,

Sparkplug!

ex-nj-jw

((((((((((((((((((((tall penguin)))))))))))))

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad right now. I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better. Just know that there are people here that care about you.

Hang in there hun, it might not seem like it now but things will get better.

nj

delilah

Tall Penguin......................I have been where you are.....IT DOES GET BETTER!!! Please do not give up.

Allow yourself time to grieve, eat lotsa chocolate, watch chick flicks, and buy kleenex tissues by the carton, but then get busy living. Take an art class, or a meditation class. Anything that interests you, and gets you out of the house or apartment.

Go for walks, drives to the country....I truly do believe that things happen for a reason. When one door closes, another opens up.

And here I am, once more crying alone.

You are not alone. We are here for you.You will eventually be happy again. Something will make you smile, then that will give way to laughter.....and each day will become brighter than the last. I promise.

Hugs, Delilah

Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit

Looking at old pictures of old times is soooooo overrated. I've never done it and not ended up crying and miserable for days. Never.

I'm an athiest now (I think) but there's one proverb that makes sense, 'do not say, why is it that the days before now proved to be better than today' or something like that. We look at the past through rose-colored glasses more than we'd ever admit.

Right now you have opportunities that are limitless, friends you haven't even met yet, people that will yet become your family.

You may be physically alone at this minute, but you are not alone. You have so much to offer, so much to do.

(((((((((((You))))))))))) are loved.

Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit

Oh yeah. . .Happy Anniversary!!

Stealth453

It will get better. I was once where you are now,and also thought that life would never be good again. I was wrong.

Be strong, and don't be afraid to rely on your friends here.

Peace.

Stealth

Stealth453

We look at the past through rose-colored glasses more than we'd ever admit.

Ain't that the truth!!!!!

Anniversary...

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