Need Your Opinion and Why... (page 2)

katiekitten

most cases the guy pays the ENTIRE mortgage and utilities.

Ive been divorcing the wrong men!!!

I think I could understand this situation if there were kids involved, but I have never known anyone who has paid everything for the other person who remained in the house, I would say that sounds pretty unfair.

Anyway, back to my sister bloke - hes really dragging his feet on selling the house, he doesnt clean the house properly when buyers come round, he refuses to accept offers other than very generous ones, and he puts very short time scales on prospective buyers sealing the deal.

He knows hes onto a good thing, getting a nice house half paid for. He couldnt afford such a nice house on his own and he doesnt really want to move out and start having to live within his single means.

So I say, go round when you want to. dont let your ex get used to living in a house that he couldnt afford on his own, dont let him get to thinking its HIS house, when you are subbing him 50%. Apologies to people who think im being a bitch, but I just see what my sisters man is up to and I would probably do the same as him if I were living in a lovely house I couldnt afford but someone was paying half of!

brunnhilde

Thanks for the speedy response, everyone!

MrsJones5: I told him if he wanted that level of privacy then he could pay the whole mortgage and utilities himself!

OTWO: We've had separate bedrooms for several months for exactly that reason and we've both been respectful of the other's privacy and boundaries. I would only be grabbing stuff from where its stored in the garage or picking up clothes for my son.

SweetPea: Not sure I understand exactly what you're saying, though I'm sorry it sounds like you had a tough time when you split with your spouse.

I think part of why I find this so infuriating is that he has virtually no responsibility for our son, still isn't working full-time and has the house to himself ALL the time and that's still not enough, now I need to give notice on the rare occasions I might stop by to pick up something from the garage? I mean, come on! I'm trying to keep this as civil and amiable as possible, both for my son, and for myself.

John Doe is right, and I've heard that comment from others. It really isn't worth getting wound up over. I just have let so many other things slide during this long process that this one just got stuck.

brunn

sspo

It's not unreasonable for him to ask you to call before you come. You agreed with the financial part of it but

he wants to have a friend over or sleep over why does he have to worry about you just walking in and lose his privacy.

I would have a problem if someone would move in with him and you pay the mortgage or if he would rent part of the house and pocket the money.

Mum

katiek, I, too, have been divorcing the wrong men! I guess I married the wrong ones in the first place..

Anyway, if anyone calls you a "bitch," I'm in your corner, sister. I've seen too much, and I have good recall.

Regards,

SandraC

sweetface2233

SweetPea: Not sure I understand exactly what you're saying, though I'm sorry it sounds like you had a tough time when you split with your spouse.

Did you mean sweetface?

I don't care how "amicable" a divorce and/or separation is, but they are all very difficult. You don't know how bad it is until you go through it. It doesn't get easier the closer you get to court dates, it gets harder. You never really know how vicious and spiteful that BOTH men and women can be until you divorce them.

It was my decision to leave, I packed up my shit, turned in my keys, and walked away from him. I bought him out of the house 6 months later and took over the possession, but until then, it wasn't my house. My point was that in the majority of divorce cases the agreement is for the guy to pay the entire mortgage and utilities, as well as alimony and child support (if there were kids involved.) What makes women think that they should be exempt from the same standards?

OnTheWayOut

OTWO: We've had separate bedrooms for several months for exactly that reason and we've both been respectful of the other's privacy and boundaries. I would only be grabbing stuff from where its stored in the garage or picking up clothes for my son.

While many of us don't agree with your terms that you worked out, that's your deal and you already
worked that out, so do what you think is best with what you already agreed to. If you are both respectful and
he has this request, tell him you will give at least an hour's notice and you will tell him where you
intend to go in the house. If he isn't home, he will still get the call, either on a cell or answering
machine. Since you have common items for your son there, you have a reason to go there.

I would stay out of the living areas and tell him so. This really has to stay amicable so you can
sell the home. If you all cannot agree on simple terms, bend to his will a bit for financial reasons,
but tell him to move in with his family if that doesn't work, then sell the house quickly. Either way,
dump the home and dump your problem. Allow a realtor to schedule visits with proper notice and
show the house without your presence. It is important that he understands the need to show the
house in a neat, clean condition with all spaces accessible. If the realtor says there are problems,
get him out of there. If he is deliberately slowing the sale, get the lawyer involved, and get him out.
He has no other place to go, but he will get half the sale money.

If you are the primary care-provider for the son, and you will sell the home quickly, then you can
get all your things and all your son's things out of there NOW. Then you won't have to go there
except to pick up or drop off the son. I know you all say you are respectful and all, but rules change
when it's someone's living quarters. If even a close relative wanted to go into my home while I wasn't
home, or without calling, I would say NO and change the locks if they had a key. If they would only
go to the garage, I wouldn't have any problem with that, but some other people are not as reasonable
as me. Regardless of the simple solutions above, the simplest one is to never go into his space for
anything, and get rid of the home as quick as possible. Since all he asks is for a phone call, give him
whatever he wants as long as he doesn't hinder the sale. You might think it is unreasonable, but the
sale is the important thing.

golf2

NOPE !!!!!! According to your story, you have a share, and since you've paying 'out' the most, it should be you that make demands, not him. Just an opinion.

OnTheWayOut

You might think it is unreasonable, but the
sale is the important thing.

I say this from experience. I have had problems with people in the past, but
not your problem. Still, you don't sue someone on principle if it costs more
than you would ever recoup. You don't get rid of something valuable just so
an ex or relative can't get half of the value. (Some people want to smash
Grandma's gold-plated china before letting their sister get it because she never
helped care for Grandma. That is financially irresponsible. If you can get
half the value, let your sibling have the china.) You wouldn't sell the house for a
loss to spite him, that hurts you. Why should you take chances that he will
hinder the sale by standing on principle on his simple requests. Sure, it's your
house, but you would rather end this situation as quick as possible.

Getting lawyers involved more costs you more. The only reason to do that is
because he blocks or hinders the sale.

Moving all your and your son's belongings out seems unfair, but you will have
to do that eventually anyway. If you look like you are cooperative and do it now,
he might help in the process.

Let him know this cannot be an ongoing problem. Whether you sell in the next
few months or not, tell him that you cannot continue to pay for utilities, property
taxes, mortgage, etc. Tell him a date that you will have to get your lawyer
involved by, or accept lower offers for the home. Starting to hit his wallet might
motivate him to keep his requests small and try to help sell the home.

Dragonlady76

If you really want to piss him off just move back in.

AlmostAtheist

Just my opinion.

Calling first would make sense, and the call would to some extent be asking for permission. It really is someone's home, not just a house. It's possible that this would be a really bad time to pop in, even to retrieve something that belongs to you.

Think about the kids. You both have the right to see the kids, but you don't have the right to drop by unannounced whenever you want to. Nor the right to call and say "I'm coming" without regard to what the other party says.

In the end, I'd bet your sense of fair play is telling you this isn't fair. YOU'RE paying for the house, but you have to ASK to get into it? On its face, that doesn't sound fair. But in reality, it probably isn't going to be much of a hardship on you. There will be plenty of other battles to fight, this one will wind up not being worth it.

Dave

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