Proper considerations for going back to the Kingdom Hall after apostacy

Terry

I want to be reinstated as a Jehovah's Witness in good standing.

Do you promise not to think for yourself?

Yes. I have no need of personal thoughts or opinions anymore.

Are you willing to do as you are told by some very old men living in Brooklyn, New York who don't know you and have never met you?

Yes. I prefer having strangers outline my every action and tell me what is best for my life.

Do you promise to act as though every other honest, sincere, forthright, charitable person in other religions is working for Satan?

Sure. Let the nice people rot!

Will you vow to read only Watchtower writings even though they are dull, repetitive, jaw-breaking and dense regurgitations of the same things written before?

Why not? I don't have anything else more important to do with my time.

Will you keep a close eye on your brothers and sisters and report any signs of intelligence, curiousity or analysis which doesn't parrot current Watchtower doctrine?

Yes sir! I'm all for stamping out inquiry which exposes our false doctrines, flip flops and embarassing false prophecy.

Do you promise to pretend this world is ending very soon and that the most important thing to do with the remaining minutes is to sell books, magazines and spread the fear-inspiring rumor so that we can keep the Kingdom Halls full?

I'm afraid so!

FINE!

Now, repeat after me: I do solemnly swear to check my brain at the door of the Kingdom Hall, wear cheap clothing, laugh at the obvious with a sense of discovery, work at meaningless low wage jobs, avoid education in science and technology and pretend that my backstabbing brothers and sisters really have love among one another---so help me, Jehovah!

Umm...uh...ummm....uh...

What's the matter? Having doubts??

Umm...uh..ummm.....

You are obviously still THINKING!! That is the first sign of spiritual illness! Satan is infesting you! You are demonized! You are Apostate!!

No--No--No----it's not that, I promise----it's not that!!

What is it then?

I just can't remember all that stuff you said---there was too much to remember!

Ahhh, dim-witted! Just the sort of fellow who could become an elder!

sweetstuff

LOL

Mum

Terry, you are the Michael Moore of JWD. Keep it coming!

ex-nj-jw

That was good T, very funny! And that just about sums it up!

nj

WTWizard

I don't think I will be needing any of that. As I see it, there are negative rewards for going back (just meeting other men, getting into a world where celibacy and stagnation will be everlasting, and being around a bunch of losers that only want to exploit every problem I might be having for their advantage so they will be able to count it as a blessing). And I am doing apostasy precisely to get out of entering that kind of a world.

So my answers would be to promise to do as much independent thinking from as many sources as I can dig up on the Internet, except the official Watchtower site (and then it's only useful to rebut the crap). I also promise to blow off all the meetings and miss out on service. Also, to stumble as many of the "friends" as possible, hoping to get as many of them to thinking for themselves as possible using every apostate Web site I can dig up. Additionally, I promise to read Crisis of Conscience by Raymond Franz.

Of course, let's not forget the other Babylonish practices. On December 25, I promise to worship the sun (and the Devil). I promise to get my Christmas tree up no later than Columbus Day each year, and to display as many crosses and ~~angels~~demons as possible. I will also observe Easter, the major patriotic holidays, and my birthday. I will accept people that choose to go to church, even if I don't believe in the same religion. And I will support those philosophies that promote independent thinking, including Ayn Rand and Frank Wallace (whether or not I am able to realize the full benefit of that, I at least intend to stumble as many of the other Witnesses as possible into thinking on their own).

I also intend to break every rule I can. You tell me to get rid of the Game Boy, I get an Xbox and keep the GameBoy. You want me to dress in white dress shirts, I will come to the meeting with a T-shirt and baggy pants, with foul language on the T-shirt. You tell me not to go online, I will anyway. You tell me not to eat chocolate, I will anyway. You tell me to get rid of my 8-ball, and I will get a Ouija board instead. You tell me to get rid of my Led Zeppelin box set, I get all the studio albums (and other death metal CDs from more recent times that are even worse). Tell me to get rid of my rap, and I will only get some more. And so on.

I don't give a fxxx about getting reinstated. I am better off getting destroyed at Armageddon than living forever as a God machine, never having my will expressed, and being stagnant forever. Hopefully I can ruin the whole congregation by just stumbling them to thinking on their own.

Any of you Watchtower idiots still interested in recapturing me?

Terry

Terry, you are the Michael Moore of JWD. Keep it coming!

Moore never met a doughnut he didn't like! I'm more on the slim as an axe-handle side of documentary filmmaking

Open mind

Hi Terry,

You said: (bold, italics, underscore added by moi)

do as you are told by some very old men living in Brooklyn, New York

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the "old men" now live in Patterson, NY.

I'm trying to break myself of this habit and since I know you appreciate attention to detail (most of the time) I bring it up here. Gotta make sure you're in step with "present truth" if you wanna come back doncha know?

BTW, great thread. It's a nice start to my week.

Open Mind

Terry

do as you are told by some very old men living in Brooklyn, New York
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the "old men" now live in Patterson, NY.
I'm trying to break myself of this habit and since I know you appreciate attention to detail (most of the time) I bring it up here. Gotta make sure you're in step with "present truth" if you wanna come back doncha know?

Thanks!

I guess I didn't get the phone call!

I've been out a long time. I am out of touch.

Do we still call full time ministers coleporteurs?

lfcviking

Your just too witty you pal!

changeling

How very sad that that scenario is not too far fetched.

changeling

Proper considerations for going back to the Kingdom Hall after apostacy

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