do not understand "slow" fade, "controlled" fade, why not just stop quickly

by oompa 20 Replies latest jw friends

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  oompa

  OntheWayOut has a current thread about a slow fade, and I have read many others that are similar. I do not understand how fading slowly vs. fading very quickly has any different consequences. And I mean whether an Elder or pioneer or not. Especially if someone is depressed (and most of us are in this outfit), then why not just say you have been feeling low and that you really don't know what to believe anymore? And of course you can't go in service in this condition as you would feel like a hypocrite, and the same for giving talks, just too tough for you at this time. This dosen't knock anyone else's belief, and may even resonate with others in the congregation. Doubt Happens! The exact same actions should occur from the elders/congregation: encouragement offered, calls you have been missed etc. If probing questions are asked, what is wrong with just saying your having a tough time right now but really cant talk about it?

  I quit going in service over a year ago. My cong. privliges just went away without me asking, and even stopped getting school assignments without asking! Then I started making just one meeting a week for my wife, then could only take 2 a month, and now am at one or less a month. I did not plan this, it just happened, but I think the elders actions were the same with me stopping service all at once, instead of trickling down. Am I missing something here?

  unplanned fade.....oompa
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  flipper

  OOMpa- Many people fade slowly especially if they are living with witness relatives who might freak out if they stop cold turkey. I stopped cold turkey 4 years ago and my daughters who lived with my ex were shocked, but when I told them it was because of injustice in the org. with elders, they just tried to occasionally encourage me. But they were in their late teens and would not visit me as much when I got out. So I think it's fear of repercussions from witness relatives that make people fade slow
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  nvrgnbk

  I played the game for a very short while.

  Then I had to become...nvrgnbk. LOL!

  I have admiration for those that can stomach that crap.
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  zeroday

  I

  do not understand how fading slowly vs. fading very quickly has any different consequences.

  A slow fade will usually not attract much attention as a sudden stop of attending meetings. Most JW's really don't care about you or anyone else outside their circle of friends. BUT if you slowly fade you are not noticed missing and usually after 6 months people will casually ask what ever happened to so and so. verses if you suddenly stopped....
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  Homerovah the Almighty

  I guess people just want to be certain that they are going to do the right thing, especially if the have allot of family members that are JWS

  they are not sure on how they are going to handle the rebuff.......I guess it a matter of confidence
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  the dreamer dreaming

  we made our break when the congregation split and no one was sure that we were not attending the other congregations meetings...and so no one noticed for quite some time.

  a fast fade will sometimes bring the elders around quick, but we timed it right. They did not bother us for a full year.
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  oompa

  Dreamer, that is what I meant about elders actions, either they call early or later, with me I had not been in service for over a year, after being a reg. pioneer once and a reg. publisher for 40 years, and NOBODY, elder or CO has EVER even brought it up! Amazing.

  maybe if i stopped the contributions??......oompa
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  ness

  dreamer, that was a stroke of genius me thinks.
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  moomanchu

  maybe if i stopped the contributions??......oompa

  Why in the world are you still contributing? (money I assume)
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  Mulan

  We did a slow fade, hoping to keep our friends and family.

  We had children that were still attending (all are out now) and my mother is also a devoted JW. Just not wanting to rock too many boats at the same time, we slowly faded away.

  It worked for us. It was 10 years ago that we went to our last meeting, after almost a two year fade. We are not disfellowshipped and the JW's still talk to us, except for a few who act as if we are invisible. I kept my best friend of 36 years too.