A mother's bitterness

by jgnat 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    I had to deal with rejection from my mom this last week. Her behavior was shocking to my poor hubby. Perhaps I dreaded it all along. Bikerchic helped me through, and my daughter reminded me that crazy people do crazy things, and be grateful for the short moments of sanity in-between.

    Instead of a hoped-for visit, my mother sang me a bizzare song over the phone and told me she loved me. I could not bear to tell her the same thing. Her "love" I can do without. Here's the song. Thoughts?

    Lemon Tree

    When I was just a lad of ten, my father said to me,

    Come here and learn a lesson from the lovely lemon tree.

    Dont put your faith in love, my boy, my father said to me,

    I fear you'll find that love is like the lovely lemon tree.

    Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet

    But the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.

    Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet

    But the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.

    Beneath the lemon tree one day, my love and I did a lie

    A girl so sweet that when she smiled the sun rose in the sky.

    We passed that summer lost in love beneath the lemon tree

    The music of her laughter hid my fathers words from me:

    Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet

    But the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.

    Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet

    But the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.

    One day she left without a word. she took away the sun.

    And in the dark she left behind, I knew what she had done.

    Shed left me for another, its a common tale but true.

    A sadder man but wiser now I sing these words to you:

    Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet

    But the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.

    Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet

    But the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.

  • sweetstuff
    sweetstuff

    Sorry to hear it. Your daughter sounds very wise, crazy people do crazy things.

  • orbison11
    orbison11

    oh my

    and then there are those of us mothers that are sane, that do not have contact with our children due to the dfing policies,,,:::(((((((((((((((((

    orb

  • educ8self
    educ8self

    Well I don't know the details of the story, but that just sounds stupid. It reminds me of the episode of The Simpsons where Ned Flanders was singing:

    When I was just a little girl
    I asked my mother, what will I be
    Will I be pretty, will I be rich
    Here's what she said to me.

    Que Sera, Sera,
    Whatever will be, will be
    The future's not ours, to see
    Que Sera, Sera
    What will be, will be.

    And that, of course, would have made more sense. Anyway.. Not sure anything from me would be helpful in any sense that makes sense, but all I can say is my parents are a lot nicer to me once they realized I don't care what they think of me, it's like they don't know what to make of someone that is actually independent. I care about them, but frankly I'm no longer their child. I guess a lot of parents would find that unsettling in some sense, the whole "you'll always be my kid" thing, but geez - don't people grow up at some point? You'd think the parents would do it first.

  • jgnat
    jgnat
    don't people grow up at some point? You'd think the parents would do it first.

    Some parents don't, do they? I guess the best we can do is resolve to do differently.

    I saw some more bizzarre parenting on my hubby's side on our way back from holidays. Not him, but some of his relatives. I am pretty darn sure the grandparents are making sure that their son and daughter-in-law stay addicted and dependent. The son to alcohol, the daughter to gambling. They take the children on Friday night so their son can drink the night away, and they take the daughter-in-law to the Casino on Sunday. The grandma had the audacity to ask my hubby how he was doing on the slots (we don't gamble, we people-watch. That's much more fun).

    Weird parents.

  • bikerchic
    bikerchic

    Girl I'm sorry you were yet again let down by your Mother, but remember anyone can have a child it takes a special person to actually BE a Mother! You've been lucky to have had your step Mom in your life even if it was cut short that is really something many don't have a second chance at having a Mom. Plus you've been the Mother to your children you never had and that is awesome! You are awesome!

    Some people just don't have the capacity to give or know how to be gracious. In a way I feel sorry for your Mom because she is a hurt and damaged person she lost out on a wonderful daughter too, how sad is that?! If you take away the "Mother" label she is just another person you know who lives far away......

  • educ8self
    educ8self

    On a related note, I'll tell you a main concern for me as a single guy is finding someone that completely individuates from their parents, which is perhaps being too picky. But I just think of all the potential drama that would come up, and I'm like geez - WHAT A WASTE. I mean my parents are like any other, but it is so clear to me I know it wouldn't be an issue on my end - but if it's not clear with the other person I can just imagine all the sticky codependent crap, who likes or doesn't like who and what they think and all this nonsense - like don't you all have something better to do?

  • jgnat
    jgnat
    If you take away the "Mother" label she is just another person you know who lives far away......

    I've done that a couple times to keep my sanity, bikerchic, thanks for the reminder. As I've said a couple times since, the aborted visit at least purged my guilt over not seeing her more often. I do agree treating her as "someone I know" is much healthier.

    educ8self....finding someone that completely individuates from their parents, which is perhaps being too picky.

    Yeah, LOL. If my hubby or I had used that criteria, we'd still be single. And we're not exactly spring chickens, either. I think it is fair to check how far along the person has individuate-d for their age. Find out how long they've been living away from mommy and daddy, and how often they call? If it's a nightly affair, there should be alarm bells.

    But then again, my son calls nearly every night. It's what he needs, so I give him that.

  • worldtraveller
    worldtraveller

    My dad was a bully, my mom , a drunk. As long as the house had no booze, life ws ok. Unfortunately not very often. But why go on with such s$%tty memories.

    Doris Day did-Que Sera Sera

    Peter, Paul, and Mary did-Lemon Tree.

    The point? Music kept me alive. Most of the time, I couldn't understand the vocals anyway. These days, it's better no one does.

    So do as I had to-screw the past-the future is our oyster! Does that make sense?

  • choosing life
    choosing life

    Jgnat,

    I don't know the background of you and your mother. I am pretty sure you were never a dub, so I guess that she wasn't either. Whatever the case, she is the one missing out on a good relationship with a wonderful daughter. I have a fairly normal, slightly neurotic mother, so I guess I should be thankful. At least, she would never call me and sing such things to me.

    Sorry, maybe things will get better?

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