Confused!! Help!!

BigBloomerz

Ok so here goes...Ive Fallen for a guy, who seems perfect for me, everything ive ever wanted in a man, kind, sensitive, caring and reliable. Only problem is, he is not a JW and i sort of am, Sort of meaning, i was brought up in the truth i have gone through rebelious stages and just passed them off as wanting to experience, i nearly married a JW but the night before the wedding he called it off and said he wasnt ready (we had sleot with each other beforehand, so he prob didnt see the point in going ahead anymore! got what he had wanted!) Since this i have tended to shy away from men, in the truth and out of.

But this one guy i met hes 10 years older than me and seems to genuinely care, i told him about my being a witness ( i attend meetings as and when to keep my family happy and so i can keep in association with old friends, i do not go for myself or Jehovah, i have not prayed in a very long time) and he wasnt bothered by the fact at first, he decided to research what it would mean for in the future and was worried most of all about christmas and birthdays, not celebrating them with him and his family, also how would our children be raised? what about blood transfusions if they ever or either of us needed one?

I lost my mum 6 years ago and the main reason i have kept going is for the fear of missing out on seeing her again. Is this wrong? I would marry this guy tommorow if he asked me, but my family or friends from the congregation dont know about him. I dont want to lose the rest of my family and friends over this, but this could be my chance at some amount of hapiness in my life.

Any comments or advice welcome!!

BigBloomerz

nvrgnbk

Enjoy life.

This is not a dress rehearsal.

BigBloomerz

Im not looking for someone to tell me what to do, maybe someone who has been in the same situation and knows what its like to be with someone who isnt a JW, and has seen the effects on their families and friends.

Purza

Dear BigBloomerz:

Welcome! I was raised as a JW. My first husband was worldly and so is my second. I was DF's when I married my first, but was quickly reinstated. After my first marriage ended I tried for 10 years to find a JW to marry. Never happened. So when I met my future second husband I was ready. You need to do what your heart tells you to do. If you are only going through the motions as a JW and not going after what you want, then you are only hurting yourself.

On another note, my best friend lost her mother 6 years ago as well. She thought that she would get back on board as an active JW and she just can't do it. Or doesn't want to do it. If she honestly believed it was the truth, then I think she would go. But deep down inside, she KNOWS it is not the truth and therefore everything she was taught is a moot point now. Why give up happiness right now, when the future really is not assured. Or well, it is as assured as what THEY tell you. Again, if you are just going through the motions. . .

JMHO

Purza

jgnat

Hi, I'm the non-JW half of a mixed marriage. I strongly encourage you to sort out your beliefs BEFORE you spend more time with this man. What do you believe, and why? Otherwise the concerns he brings up, like raising children, will be hell to work out. What if partway through the marriage you decide to become more committed? It will be very difficult on him.

I lost my mum 6 years ago and the main reason i have kept going is for the fear of missing out on seeing her again. Is this wrong?

That's all contingent on the Witnesses being right about your mother's and your future. Consider your mother, her love and fine works. Surely she is secure in Jehovah's memory. Are you not also as loveable as your mother? Would a loving God separate you forever from her? Why do you worry that you would not be worthy of Jehovah's memory if you missed the meetings?

I think you need to spend some time working out your religious feelings before you commit to a non-Witness relationship.

nvrgnbk

Im not looking for someone to tell me what to do

I'm sorry.

I was trying to be helpful.

Have fun living a lie.

Seems to be working very nicely for you.

Purza

Oh, and about the family and friends. I have a few family members that speak with me, but I have basically been shunned by my parents and most of my extended family. I moved away from the area and slowly made contact with some of my old JW friends via email. I received positive responses and I see them from time to time. However, most have been lost to me. But if I really think about it -- were they really MY friends? You might have to move on and create new friendships outside of the JW world.

Purza

BigBloomerz

Nvrgn i do apologise that remark wasnt aimed at you, didnt mean for it to come across as such!

BigBloomerz

I attend meetings now and again purely for association, and for saving face, i dont read bible at home, i dont do pre study, i do maybe 1 hour ministry a month if i can be bothered, im not living the life of a JW, i just always have the niggling thought in back of my head that if i leave it all properly, what the hell do i do with my life? what do i do regards the future? i have always had something to look forward for, e.g paradise and resurection, but with not believing in it and being "acceptable" to recieve it , what next?

Madame Quixote

My sister was in your situation before she was baptized, but after marrying out of the truth, she was baptized, so she became "unevenly yoked" by default. She and her husband separated for a while after having two children.

Three brainwashed children later . . . her husband eventually capitulated and became a witness, likely out of the same kind of fear, obligation, and guilt (FOG), by which you are now operating.

Now they each remain married to a control freak and have three lovely, brainwashed, and damaged children, just like our own parents did.

Feel free to do as you please, but try to eliminate the FOG. That could require some professional assistance, something my sister and the rest of the cult-controlled people tend to avoid and discourage.

FOG is good for maintaining control and keeping people's money, time, and lifespans devoted to the Watchtower Prison, instead of on living. Was that the point of Nvr's statement, I wonder?

Confused!! Help!!

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