Easy to let go

unique1

I have recently reaquainted with an old school friend of mine and her wife. Everytime we get together, there is drama of some sort, usually harmless. This past Saturday they had a kegger. Most of their friends did not show so I was the only other female there and of course I get stuck in the middle of whatever drama is going on between them. (Since my parents argued continously I am quite the little peace keeper and feel it is my job to resolve anything which I admit is my own fault) This really aggravates me so the next day I plan to cancel our dinner plans with them the next week, that was until my hubby said I really like your new friends. They are the best from your childhood I have met.

So yesterday I tell him my thinking on the matter and he says just because he likes them doesn't mean that we have to hang out with them. I realize that since leaving my religion of 25 years and leaving my parents behind that I can pretty much toss anyone aside without thinking twice about it. It is easy to let go. I also realize that if I keep it up I will be left alone with no friends. I am quite flippant towards relationships now, the exeption being my marriage. Anyone else able to toss people aside without a second glance now? Does that frighten you a bit? Just curious.

megsmomma

Wow.....That is exactley how I feel. Plus, I have been in situations in the past where I made some friends and since I was "nice" they used me. (borrowed money and never paid back) or they turned on me in some way.

I just feel like I don't need friends. It does scare me though. I feel like I am missing out on some of the good things in life by doing this to myself...but, I can't help it for some reason.

Plus, it used to be so easy. You just go to the KH and have insta-"friends". Then they all abandon you.

I feel you!! ((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))

changeling

Yes, I know what you mean. But I also feel it's difficult to latch on.

I am completely friendless at the moment. Sure I have people I'm friendly with, but I count none of them as "friends".

I feel caught between the need to have friends and at the same time not wanting to invest the time and effort in making them.

This is not entirely about my "fade". For years before I faded I had either lost friends through missunderstandings or distanced myself because of incompatiblity.

What the hell is wrong with me????

changeling

tula

He who is thy friend indeed

he will help thee in thy need

If thou sorrow he will weep

if thou wake he canst not sleep

thus with every grief of heart

he with thee doth bear a part

these are certain signs to know

faithful friend from flattering foe.

I think I may have left out a couple of lines....its been awhile...but really, its rare to find anyone who can live up to what a true friend should be.

I have only had two true friends in my lifetime. And then, sometimes, we ourselves are so needy that we dont have the energy to give to others to make that committment.

tula

oops. forgot to give credit. the poem is from a Shakespeare sonnet.

misanthropic

I realize that since leaving my religion of 25 years and leaving my parents behind that I can pretty much toss anyone aside without thinking twice about it. It is easy to let go. I also realize that if I keep it up I will be left alone with no friends. I am quite flippant towards relationships now

I can relate to how you feel, I struggle with the same things (although there are a few close friends I've had awhile since leaving). I have a bad habbit also of not wanting people to get close to me and I'll shut them out after awhile. I've been that way in romantic relationships as well, because it's also easier to shut everyone out before they can do it to you.
As far as the situation with your friends and their "drama" all the time, I think that makes sense to not want to be around that. I have "friends" like that too, they have some sort of huge fight every time they come over and it just gets old. I haven't done anything with them in awhile because frankly I just don't have the time or energy for that garbage, I hate when people put you in the middle of thier conflicts. I'd rather not have friends than have those kinds of friends.

unique1

I feel caught between the need to have friends and at the same time not wanting to invest the time and effort in making them.

Yeah, I have that issue to. I am not entirely sure it is a healthy mindset. Thankfully I met my hubby years ago and he is the only one I latch onto.

ex-nj-jw

I too am the same way. I have 3 very very good friends and we've been friends for most of our lives. Anyone else is just an aquaintance and if they cause drama I let go, no problem.

I know how you feel but it doesn't scare me. The very very good friends I have, have been there through good and bad. I have a tendancy to throw out anything or anyone who causes drama in my life.

nj

Twitch

Since my parents argued continously I am quite the little peace keeper and feel it is my job to resolve anything which I admit is my own fault

Hear ya on that one. Mine do it to this day; I guess it's just a result of how they relate and I'll be damned if I'm gonna live like that. Then again, I haven't been with someone for 40+ years. Love is strange, lol. But it is good at times to be able to bring some amount of understanding to people's lives, as stressing as it can be at times. Life ain't no cakewalk.

I've found that it's not a bad thing to try to make peace and arbitrate; the trick is deciding for whom and what for. If people want to fight or play starring roles in their overly dramatized lives, have at 'er, see ya later. I have no problem letting go of people who want to hang their s*** on me or draw me into their soap opera; I "deal" with it every day, such are the trappings of middle management, which of course is my choice ;). Life is short and I can do without the bs so I generally keep my distance. But for a chosen few, I make the effort as time has proven their worth to me, as I to them. True friends are rare indeed and worth hanging onto. The rest can go f*** themselves if they want to use me in any way,...lol. I am not superficial or uncaring but at the same time, I protect my interests first and foremost.

lisavegas420

I find myself with people that think of me as their bestfriend..and yet, I find myself keeping them at arms length....but hoping they don't figure it out.

A few people, that I didn't want to loose, ..... I had to tell to back off alittle as they were freaking me out.

lisa

Easy to let go

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