Just before I made my final exit, I came to a meeting in my fugly brown and yellow striped polyester waitress uniform and black sneakers. It was soooo out of style at the time--ruffly blouse and a-line wraparound skirt (too big for me so I held it together with big, obvious safety pins).
Covered in food stains, grease, and body odor. Even my pantyhose had food smeared on them. My sneakers left grease footprints on the kh rug, especially in the places where I rubbed them repeatedly on the carpet (oops). I left stains and crumbs on the seat.
It was summer and I'd been working all day in head-to-toe polyester. I stunk.
People asked why I came if I didn't have time to change my clothes, and I said that it was too important not to miss a meeting (sarcasm) and Jehovah understood that I needed to do this type of work to support my pioneering. lmao
Probably not funny to anyone else...
Whats the funniest thing you've ever seen happen in the KH?
by shell69 73 Replies latest jw experiences
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rebel8
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shell69
OMG Yeah.. just remembered, Our K HELL was a bit difficult to find, so sometimes the guy didnt turn up to do the public talk on sundays. Secretly I was elated!!
Phew get out of jail ealry card bin played!
However we always got the odd dooo guddder elder that had a public talk prepared in his 'pilots case' and we had to listen to the same old crappy talk that we'd listened to over and over!
That was honestly the pits when you thought you culd escape early and go and watch the 'Eastenders' omnibus (Brit soap!!!) but instead had to sit and listen through the same old drivell boared out ouf your witts!
Shell
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Witness 007
Our old hall had no air conditioning and I was giving my first Sunday public talk. It was really hot and I started to sweat so the stage brother turned the giant fan that faced the audience on me, and blew my notes to kingdom come.
2.When I was 17 for a District convention I stayed with a brother who had 3 beatiful daughters around my age. During the programe I became alittle sexually aroused...then the talk ended and the song began! If I remained sitting down everyone would ask me whats wrong? So I had to stand up at full mast with hands in pockets, sooo embarrasing, I didnt even look up from my songbook the whole time.
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DazedAndConfused
I also came from a very funny congregation. I wish I could remember more but here are a few:
One time Elder P (a total comedian who, as a Pollack (Polish) told the most Pollack jokes I have ever heard in my life...from the platform) was doing a part when his wife kept trying to get his attention. She tried repeatedly while trying to do it inconspicuosly. All of a sudden Elder P realised she was trying to get his attention. Not one for being subtle he found out what she was trying to say. She was telling him that his fly was open. He, very dramatically, put his hands on his hips, looked down and said "My fly is open" and proceeded to zip it up without turning around. Had to be there.
Another time Elder H's wife answered a question from the platform as "A broom" Everyone laughed but had no idea where THAT came from. Come to find out later her husband, Elder H, who was very well off would not buy her a simple broom to clean house with.
When I was a teenager and very worried about how others viewed me, I was totally horrified at the time but now I think this is hilarious. I had a talk one night and my householder was my best friend. Now I have to say at this point she was very feminine (sp) and not prone to indescretions. As most people do, we rehearsed the talk in the ladies room right before the meeting started. For some reason she had the 'toots'. Because she was so ladylike I had never seen this side of her so we then started to chuckle about it while practicing. Wellll...as soon as we sat down on the platform she 'tooted'. Needless to say we sat and laughed hystericly (sp) for a full 5 minutes. Why Elder B did not end it after 30-60 seconds is beyond me. But in retrospect it was an indication that the information from the platform is a lot of hot air. LOL
I remember one time when I was nursing my daughter who was old enough to sit on my lap. We were seated about as far back as you can be. I had on a bright red blouse where the buttons clung together very tenaciously. Come on ladies we know that it happens. Anyway, my daughter wanted to nurse, turned to me and ripped my blouse open. At this point I let go of her to grab the front of my blouse to cover myself. She went flying to the floor with a big thump that caused the whole congregation to turn and look to see what happened. Embarrassing at the time but funny as time went on.
Remember Elder P? Well this might explain why he was the way he was. One time out in service his mom and another sister went to the door and her panties fell right off her. Right down to the ground and right in front of the householder. Instead of being embarrassed she stepped out of them, picked them up and actually waved them to her husband who was in the car waiting for them to get done. Hilarious!
Last but not least is a story from when my parents first were studying. There is a sad aspect to it but some parts are funny. We first were meeting in a very tiny hall, so tiny that the only place they could put the bathroom was right behind the speaker so you could not take your children there to beat the crap out of them for not sitting still and 'listening.' Anyway, my dad would go there drunk and then when my brother, all of about 2-4, would act up so dad would take him out front (on the sidewalk) for all to view, and beat the heck out of him. In retrospect that seems so sad and maybe shouldn't be added on this thread. At the time it was the laugh of the congregation though. "I see you are taking control of your family" and all.
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cara dulce
When I was young I attended a hall that had 2 stories. One time a girl was coming down the stairs and she slipped, fell backward and her skirt flew up over her head. She landed right in front of the cutest brother. My sis and I giggled about that all night.
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Chameleon
the thing that seems suspicious to me about the "mic brother taking a whiz" stories is, why don't they turn it off?
What about the brother at the sound system? why doesn't he turn the volume all the way down?
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lawrence
During the "promotions" we would have morning and afternoon meetings for service at the KH. One afternoon (after doing my window washing) I was waiting at the hall with the territories and Paul shows up (God rest his soul). I asked him how the morning service went. He said, "fine". About a minute later he realized he had driven off from the territory, and left the entire group in the territory without a vehicle. Talk about pissed off sisters. After the second and third time it wasn't so funny.
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NewYork44M
This goes back 35+ years.
Our family picked up this smelly old woman and brought her to the bookstudy. As soon as the bookstudy started she would fall asleep. More than once she would start talking in her sleep. One time she said something really loud and everyone started laughing. The laughter woke her up and she got embarassed and then mad and told off the bookstudy group. She immediately went back to sleep and did not wake up again until the bs ended.
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NewYork44M
At a book study the people sitting across from me busted out in horrified laughter at the site of my straddle-legged pose, whilst I was obliviously reading the Truth book.
I was maybe 7 or 8 years old.
At some point in time, I had written my name, "JOY" in bright, blood-red, permanent magic marker into the crotch of my underwear.
From the mouths (and underware) of babes.
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changeling
The brother who called on "Sister Paine in the rear".
The brother who read the KM announcements about the brothers in Thighland.
The lillte girl who farted loudly on a metal chair whose dad then became hysterical with laughter and on mentioning this to anothert brother years later, the brother said "I thought that was you who farted"!
The brother who spoke in his talk about our "spiritual enema".