Life and times of Metaspy

metaspy

I am going to tell my story, it will probably be the dumbest thing to do.
especially since I am trying to fade. However, recently I have decided that I need to get
the ball rolling a little faster. I am one to procrastinate, so what I am doing, I need to do more quickly.
Sorry for all the JW lingo, being very long, and possibly offending some.

The Rise and Fall of Metaspy: My story

the early days
I was the reason JWs studied with my mom. When pregnant with me, she got blood clots in her legs.
Thus she was home the day the JWs came to our home. She accepted a Bible study from them.
At first, my dad was interested. Then he told some people he worked with that he was studying with the JWs.
They responded by giving him "apostate" literature. He read it, and never studied again. Much to my mom's dismay.
My mom was baptised when I was 5.

My Dad divorced my mom a few years later, citing her religion as the reason.
He shunned me and my older sibling because we began to study with the JWs. He would not let us come to family reunions,
or other events on his side of the family. He called us spies for our mother, and other bad things that I have had to put in the darkest corner
of my mind in order to forgive him. I still have a mediocre relationship with my dad, he thinks the only reason I talk to him is to get money.

I had a number of brothers study with me over the years, culminating in my baptism when I was 14.
At that time, I knew nothing of any of the darknesses in the WBTS closet. I assumed that everything they told me was true.
I had no reason to disbelieve what they said, they presented it very clearly.
All the while, I was a goody-two-shoes. I have never been publicly reproved, df'd, pulled over for speeding, grounded, or even given detention.
I was made an MS when I turned 19.

Times of trouble
Before I had become an MS, (namely when I was 17) I fell in love with a younger sister. We had met at a quickbuild.
This was before the rule about being 16/17 to be on the site. She was lots of fun to be around and we spent most of the Qbuild together.
Judging from her looks, personality and how she acted, I guessed she was 14. Not too much younger than I, but definitely worth waiting for.
My heart attached itself to her and would not be moved for 7 years. During the next 2 years I learned that she was not 3 years younger than me, but 6.
I was still willing to wait out the remaining years before courting this darling little sister.

After I had been appointed an MS, my mom found out who I liked. To say she was furious that I liked a minor would be like saying that the sun is hot.
The only thing that kept her cool was that technically the sister didn't know I liked her. It was speculation.
I had not told anyone who I liked, not even my sibling (with whom I am very close).
My mother forbade me to tell the sister anything about my liking her. Period, end of discussion.

One fine summer, my family went camping with a large group of witnesses. And who do you think came along? My lovely friend.
(For the sake of simplicity, we shall call her Zelda. It will be easier to tell the story)
Zelda and I spent a grand majority of that camping trip together. At one point in the camping trip, she inquired whether I had a girlfriend.
I told her no. She asked if I liked any one. I honestly (pronounced foolishly) told her yes. Her next obvious question: who?
Now I was caught in a pickle, I wanted to tell her but I feared the wrath of my mother. I evaded the question.
For the rest of the camping trip, that was the question she would ask "who do you like?" "who do you like?"
I had very little resistance to Zelda, as I would give her the world if she asked for it. However, I couldn't answer this one question.
On the last day of the trip, she pleaded "please just tell me? I wont tell anyone." In a complete moment of stupidity, I told her "I like you."

This may not seem like a giant breaking of the rules, but I had never broken the rules on purpose before. I felt like everyone knew I did.
A few months later, I told my mom of this transgression. The explosion was definitely audible from space. I have never been yelled at by my mom like that night.
We bickered with each other for the next few weeks, and came to an agreement (an oral agreement - keep this in mind).
I would not associate with Zelda socially for 2 years, but I could associate if it was a spiritual gathering (ie. Convention, meeting, Qbuild)
I agreed to this, and whole heartedly stuck to my end of the bargain. Then a Circuit Assembly came around and Zelda was in our circuit (yay!).
As we walk through the doors of the convention hall, my mom leans over to me and says "Don't you dare talk to Zelda."
If looks could kill, I certainly had picked out her burial chamber with mine. I was pissed. Hadn't I just spent 3 months not associating with Zelda for this occasion?
I was going to get my association, my mom had agreed that I could associate as spiritual gatherings.
So for the second time in my life, I willingly broke the rules. I spent much of the non-meeting time with Zelda.
She got baptised at that assembly, I was very happy. I got to "legally" give Zelda a hug to congratulate her.

What the hell is going on here?!?
Following that Circuit Assembly, my mom sicked the elders on me. A 20 year old MS liking a 14 year old sister - shocking!!
Now on paper, it sounds like I was a bad person for liking her. I knew that I could not court her until she was 18.
That was fine, I could wait out the 3.5 years remaining - hadn't I just pulled off 3 years without any problems??
It wasn't fine in the eyes of the elders. One was the brother who had studied with me just before I got baptised.
The other was a "super fine elder" of the annointed class. Neither of them had children, nor babysat, nor even assisted those with children.
Their knowledge of how children think, act, or have a knack for finding hypocrisy = None.
They barraged me with insinuations that I would molest this girl, if I continued to associate with her.
I denied that this was going to happen. "Look at my track record!" I cried in my self defense. "Perfect, no blemishes."
At the time, I was holding down Accounts (which no one wants), Magazines, and Territory. I was also on Sound Dept, and the attendant at all the meetings.
I was the poster child for putting self out of the picture and doing what the WBTS wants. Except I wanted this one thing.
Their opinion and decision: Banishment
If I were to be at a gathering and Zelda arrives: I was to leave immediately!
If I were to be at a meeting at the KH and Zelda arrives: I was to leave immediately!
If I were at a KH and was supposed to give a part later in the meeting and Zelda arrives: I was to leave immediately! (and my part would be taken care of)
If I did not follow these rules: I would not be an MS, Pio, have other priviledges, or ever have the chance of going to Bethel!

I was defeated. As I left that meeting, I asked if I could at least say goodbye to her - since I wouldn't be seeing her for 3.5 years.
They said they would discuss it and get back to me.
Fast forward a week, Brother Super-fine called me up on the phone.
It was regarding my saying goodbye to Zelda. I perked up, I had been waiting for their response.
The next ten minutes of my life I wish I could forget. He let loose on me like I had been molesting children for years.
He called me "b@stard", "Pedophile", SOB, "friggin' monster", etc.
If you could have video taped me on the phone you could have watched the very moment my heart was ripped in two.
Not only did the elders not trust me, they considered me to be a bad person.
The next meeting I went to the brother who had studied with me, and told him what had happened.
His response: "You may not like what was said, but it is true."

This brother, whom I trusted and respected, had just agreed that I was all those bad things.
It took 2 more meetings with the elders before they had totally crushed my will to see Zelda.
They also told me during these next meetings, the only chance I had of marrying her after she turned 18 was to give up all association now.
I tried to apply to Bethel to escape their iron fist, but they rejected my application without even looking.
"You don't want us to write what we think of you, and pass it on to Bethel." that was the reason given.

**Side note: Unbeknownst to me at the time, the elders also sent word to Zelda's elders for them to follow up on that end.
I later found out that she tried to kill herself. The elders in her hall had hounded her and her family so hard.

Circuit Overseer to the Rescue
The next CO visit came and I practically ran to him. Besides my problem (which he did not deal with), I told him of many of the other things
that had been happening in the cong (by the elders) that were not by the book. Many elders opinions were becoming laws.
(Yes, I was one of those people - I told on others when the broke the rules. Remember I was a goody-goody.)
During the CO/MS/Elder meeting he brought out one of the problems I had brought up. As I have posted before, he corrected them outright.
I felt redeemed, I thought he would be my savior in the craziness that was my life.
I was only partially right, he corrected them on many issues of their personal opinion, but he would not overrule the Zelda issue.
His reasoning: you live in your mom's house -> you live by her rules -> she says to follow the opinions of the elders.

As I have said before, COs are temporary. Within a short time, he was gone.
I was 24, zelda was 17, I found out that she was courting a brother in her hall.
The insult was great. However, it got worse. The brother she was courting was 23, an MS, Pioneer, even giving public talks (which I have yet to do).
So the difference between me and this brother was just a year. A year!!!!
I was mad, but I kept it together. I simply compiled all the information the CO had shown about using you opinion as counsel.
I brought it to the attention of the elder who had studied with me.
Our conversation over this material was not good. We got in a yelling match.
He defiantly said that he wasn't sorry, and he would never be sorry. That went for his actions and the reactions they caused.
I pointed out that I had been lied to both by him and my mother.
He had said the only chance I could have with Zelda was through banishment. My mother broke her word regarding association.
His reaction was simply - were either of those a written agreement? If not, they hold no weight.

Where's a lightsaber when you need one?
At the next Assembly, I went up to Zelda and talked to her. I asked how she was doing, what life had been like during the last 3.5 years.
We had a great conversation, even her 'boyfriend' joined in our talking. (I have nothing personal against him, he is a great guy).
At the meeting following the assembly, Brother Study asked if I had talked with Zelda. I honestly said I had.
He replied that he needed to start proceedings to remove me from being an MS and Pioneer.

There really didn't need to be a meeting. I could have told you what the outcome was going to be.
Regardless of my attendance, I had no chance of staying an MS. Frankly, I didn't care at that point, I just wanted to get away from them.
Let me introduce the elders, starting at my left and moving around the table clockwise:
Bro. Pompous Ass - (SEC) Thinks he is God's gift to elders, has never been wrong and is the 3rd perfect man to walk the earth.
Bro. Old and Cant hear - Great brother, cant hear a gunshot 3 feet away. Has no idea why we are here, definitely votes with the crowd.
Bro. TMS Overseer - The only hold out for my staying an MS, but gave in to 7-1 vote to make it unanimous.
Bro. Study - (PO) Self absorbed, knows a great deal, but has a big head. Constantly buts heads with Br.Pompous.
Bro. New Here - Doesn't know anyone in congregation, doesn't want to create waves.
Bro. Bethelite - (SO) Boozed it up in bethel, knows very little, votes with Study to look good.
Bro. Super-Fine - Anointed, not gonna take crap from a little other sheep MS.
Bro. Heart - All heart, no back bone. I thought maybe he might come through for me with Br TMS, but too timid.

So, the meeting starts off with brother Pompous yelling in my face "HOW DARE YOU QUESTION THE AUTHORITY OF THE ELDERS?!!!"
Basically, that set the tone for the meeting. It was not a meeting of love and correction, it was of finding fault.
Mind you, not their fault (I tried to point this out, but was shut down), but my faults.
Some time in this little meeting I dreamt of having a lightsaber and just dispatching a few of the more annoying elders.
That dream didn't come true. Instead they yammered on about different things that I had gone against them on.
They readily quoted Heb 13:17, pointing that I was to follow their headship.
In the end, the official reason I was removed (ironically) was not using soundness of mind or reasoning.
I find it ironic, because they would not reason on the matter and the banishment was not something I considered using soundness of mind.
I was removed from duty until we heard back from bethel. Then I was removed from being an MS.
Somehow the powers that be allowed me to remain a pioneer. Go figure!

Now that I am 26, Zelda is long gone. I have the elders to thank for that.
I met a man in service who stumped me with some questions on 607. I ended up coming here.
I can say with all certainty, that if those elders hadn't acted like asses, I would never have come here.
but they set the tone of me not trusting the elders, and instead trusting myself to find the truth.
so here I am, ready to take the next step - getting out of the Borg.
It will be hard - I work for a brother, rent from a brother, and my family (except my dad's side) is in the borg.

If you have any questions, let me know. I am sure I have left stuff out.
I actually typed this up at 12am -> 2am. I needed to let it out.

SnakesInTheTower

metaspy...that is a crazy, crazy, crazy story...and all too familiar to me. You can't make this crap up.

I find it interesting you thought she was 14. Believe me, when I was at QBs, I would see sisters I thought were of "legal" dating age because they were physically and possibly emotionally mature.. The advantage I had was I worked in Volunteer Service for the RBC and could quickly check the database to see all their info..including age/birth date. Often, I was shocked that the cute girl I thought was a 20 year old was really 14....."jail bait" for certain. sheeesh. Usually those girls got snapped up by some 25 year old MS as soon as they turned 18. Often divorced by the time she was 25. Consider yourself lucky you missed the bullet. I did.

As for you being removed as MS, the reason they give is a stock, blanket, covers all basis when they dont have a legit reason to remove you.

the official reason I was removed (ironically) was not using soundness of mind or reasoning.

This was why I was removed as an elder last year....same exact reason....dating came into my case, but for different reasons that I will one day tell here. For now, I am still IN.

As for you still being a pioneer..as I told RF awhile back..(and I am not certain if he is still ms/rp)....ditch the "privileges"..... That makes no sense..if you are not qualified to be a MS, then you are certainly not qualified to be a regular pioneer....oh yeah,THATS RIGHT the only real difference in most pioneers from publishers is that pioneers report (as opposed to really doing) 70+ hours a month. The real difference between a pioneer and a publisher should be (but usually is not) that a pioneer sets an example in the ministry in conduct and service, including helping others in the congo be better publishers....usually regular pioneers just bunch together and work exclusively with themselves and a select bunch of others.

I wish you well in your journey out. I am on the same road out as you....former RP, former elder, former lots of things.......now current fader.... PM me if you wish.

SnakesInTheTower (of the "not sound of mind according to the BOE" Sheep Class)

eclipse

That is one of the most heart breaking JW life accounts I have ever read, metaspy.

I am having trouble finding the words to describe how angry I feel for you.

What you put up with for all of those years, because you loved someone younger than yourself...is just astonishing.

I am speechless at how cruelly you were treated, and how you lost someone because of it.

stillajwexelder

what an incredible story - thankyou for posting

Seeker4

Your story sounds all too familiar. I was 15 and my to-be-wife was 13 when we started going together. We married when she turned 18. My best JW friend was 24 when he married his JW girlfriend - she was 16! And all with the blessings of the parents!

This is the typical, meddling interference of JW elders that drives people crazy. It's an insane crossing of boundaries.

I worked at a middle school for a few years when I was first married - kids from 6th to 8th grade. There were lots of girls there who could have passed for much, much older. It was sort of strange to realize that at 12 years old, this would be the best that some of these girls would ever look.

I met the half sister of my girlfriend's daughter a few years ago. She was movie star beautiful in face and form. We were making small talk and she talked about the fact that she would be graduating in a couple of weeks and I asked her what college she'd be going to. She told me she was graduating from 8th grade! This girl could have passed for being in her 20s easily.

It's sort of a short trip from lusty male to horndog to dirty old man to pedophile when what looks like a beautiful woman turns out to be a little girl.

S4

bluebell

Welcome, it is so true, if the elders had been human beings I would have still been in too, but they are as uncaring as the organsation that they represent.

Gregor

It is like pulling at a loose string,.. next thing you know the whole sweater is just a pile of yarn. Too bad that in your case the unraveling began with such a sad situation.

metaspy

Snakes, I have thought about giving up pioneering, but I get discounted rent for being a pio.
Plus it would raise flags in the minds of the "loving bro and sis" (pronounced busybodies) in the hall.
So, until I get a fulltime job not from a brother, I will have to keep pioneering.

KW13

i am shocked to say the least mate, and i am really upset for you - there are limited amounts of sisters/bro's to go around and you had things messed up for ya, i hope the fade works out mate.

Nathan Natas

Welcome Metaspy!

As I read your story I thought of some similar stuff that I went through when I was an older teen/ young 20-something. That was a long, long time ago.

Let me assure you: you CAN be the Captain of your Fate and the Master of your destiny IF YOU ARE WILLING TO MAKE THE EFFORT.

You are going to be cutting all your ties, so you need to make sure that there is NO portion of your life that is under the control of a JW. If you work for one, you'll HAVE TO change your job. If you rent from one, you'll HAVE TO move.

Yes, you could just wait until the feces hits the prop and see how it all works out. You might be able to sue for religious discrimination, since they would be persecuting you because you were no longer of their religion, but how will you provide for yourself, or shelter yourself, in the meantime?

You're going to want to get your education pumped up too, since you won't be waiting for the pie in the sky payoff of Armageddon to solve all your problems.

Who knows, maybe someday you and Zelda will meet again. Stranger things have happened. In the meantime, each day, WORK to MAKE your life something you will be proud of.

Welcome to the guild of FREEMEN, who bend their knee to no Priest or Elder!

Life and times of Metaspy

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