Maybe the problem is that you are trying to analyse it ad infinitum. Don't waste you mind on that. No one anywhere on this planet could possibly know ALL that there is to know.
The only thing I can assure you of is that we exist in this timeframe. Everything on this planet that exists had to be created somewhere, somehow. So therefore there must be a creator of this. But how can someone who was never there have the slightest clue how it really started?
Stop analysing it to death. It just takes the fun out of life. You are doing fine. I look at flowers and bees and spiders, and admire these and other things. I teach my kids to look at them and wonder. Just a little.
Good luck.