Suppose that two people stopped, but the woman had to be carried to a car. Suppose that the man still went on, leaving the woman in the other guy's care, thinking the other guy could save her. Ultimately, the other guy couldn't without someone to help carry the woman. How does that change things?
I did all I was supposed to do
by John Doe 16 Replies latest jw friends
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The Oracle
yeah, I think that is better. It might be a bit confusing though.
I love what you are trying to do with this story, and you are obviously a very talented writer - so I am sure you will nail it.
All you need is a little bit more believable scenario that has even unselfish people doing routine things that somehow contribute to a chain of events where someone is hurt in the end. Thus, driving home the point that we really need to go beyond the norm to make a difference. If we just do what we are "suppose to do" it doesn't always turn out the way we would like, and it can actually even lead to other people suffering. I believe that is what your trying to get accross.
Sorry I can't be more helpful, I am getting sleepy! Looking forward to whatever you come up with....or you can leave it the way it is, and forget about my crazy angle. The more I think about it, it might not really matter that much if your scenario is air-tight believable or not - you are trying to make people think - and it accomplished that!
Good night!
The Oracle
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kitten whiskers
Very well written! You drew us in and mesmerized us with actually feeling and seeing the scene. It is sad and gives me chills, but is a reflection of how many act.
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eclipse
Very touching, John.
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Sad emo
What a captivating and thought provoking story, John.
It reminds me of an incident my brother was involved in a few years ago. It snowed heavily during the evening rush hour and the entire road system in the county became gridlocked. My brother was stuck in a traffic jam like everyone else and a guy who was walking home collapsed with a massive heart attack - my brother and some others got out of their cars but there was nothing they could do to save the man. There was zero chance of an ambulance getting through so rather than leave the man's body lying covered up on the path, they moved him onto an abandoned bus, even the dead deserve dignity.
Following your thoughts would they be likely to want to move her - it might not be only a broken hip she has, or it could be an unstable fracture - one wrong move could kill her from shock or internal bleeding when she might otherwise have survived. Maybe they could try flagging down some more motorists, get blankets to keep her warm - maybe it was the combination of shock and cold that killed her....
....Plus a lack of genuine love from anyone????
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NvrKssdNObutt
John
the story gets the point across the way it is written ---- needs no further additions
james t
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troubled mind
Don't change a thing ! It gets the right thought across just as it is .
As for being insane.......Insane things happen everyday ....who would of thought two educated parents would leave their infant in it's car seat in hundred degree weather to go to work in a medical center ! Or that an assistant principal would do the same thing within the same week as the other couple .
Ambulance drivers sometimes get the wrong directions for accidents due to human error....insane happens .
Local story :Woman slides off road in snow storm is pinned and injured an emergency call is placed ,the dispatcher is on her way out for the weekend She assumes the report has been recieved by the patrolman ,but never stays long enough to follow up .Because of a series of human error the woman ends up freezing to death over the weekend.