That's wonderful for your niece. She's going to college. I think the WT Society kind of opened up for awhile about college but probably they have found many leaving the WTS so they are discouraging college very much again it seems. Each person is different and each family has its own set of dynamics. I encourage people leaving the WTS if possible to not get officially df'd/da'd and maintain family relationships if there is a value. This is not easy and very challenging. It sounds like you may have the social/diplomacy skills to do it. You go at your pace. Best wishes!
My mom called...my niece no longer wants to be one of JWs
by shopaholic 16 Replies latest jw experiences
-
-
bebu
Hi shopaholic. Love your avatar!!!!!!
Great acting/tongue biting. I feel that letting those gals know that you do not believe in shunning anyone over conscience matters might alleviate some of their stress, without tipping your hand just yet.
Maybe in the future, after you quietly come clean to her, you can work out a plan with her to let the others know about the issues you have come up with (something like bigdreaux suggested). You might even use that as a springboard to let them know that you came to the same conclusions as your niece. That is, that you investigated those spurious claims and there was real substance to them-- and as a result you have to leave because your Bible-trained conscience won't let you stay with such deceitful teachers.
bebu
-
John Doe
One day, I'll get to that point, but I really do enjoy my family. Although they are kind of liberal, they will come out of bag on you and get super righteous but you never really know when.
I guess this depends on what you expect from family. I think I understand what you're saying, and I've been in the same situation, choosing to bite my tongue rather than reveal what I've thought. I stayed miserable doing that. I don't make religion a topic of discussion with my family any more, but I've made known what I think. It was not nearly as big a deal as I'd feared.
Here's the thing, you don't believe which means your disbelief began with doubts. Your family has those too. It's possible they're looking to you as a pillar of strength in order to quash their own doubts. Think "Emperor's New Clothes."
As far as wanting to keep a relationship open, one must ask the question whether a relationship based on illusion is really a a relationship at all. Family should be family regardless if you put on a facade or not. In the end, playing the facade leaves you with being untrue to yourself and your family, and if nothing else may serve to enable them to continue believing their own farce they're living. I truly think one has to develop a solid moral compass, and following that will allow us to make things as simple or as difficult as we want.
But enough rambling, I need to get some sleep before my next class. Good luck.
-
shopaholic
bigdreaux,
That's a great plan!!! I wouldn't have thought of that. I don't know if my niece will be able to follow through with it. I'll have to find a way to get her to confide in me why she left. She does look up to me and I've never been self-righteous person but when folks have left the org they shutdown. I think as long as she doesn't feel like she has to explain herself to me but feels like she's sharing her feelings, then I think it may be possible to pull it off.
-
shopaholic
As far as wanting to keep a relationship open, one must ask the question whether a relationship based on illusion is really a a relationship at all. Family should be family regardless if you put on a facade or not. In the end, playing the facade leaves you with being untrue to yourself and your family, and if nothing else may serve to enable them to continue believing their own farce they're living. I truly think one has to develop a solid moral compass, and following that will allow us to make things as simple or as difficult as we want.
John Doe, you make a very good point. Yesterday evening my sister asked me about pictures from my recent visit and what the "the friends" thought of the pictures. I simply said "They thought they were nice." At that very moment I thought about your earlier post and then I make it home to read this one. I basically left one lie only to live a different until I come clean. There are no "friends" to show the pictures to because I haven't been to KH in several months, no field service in almost a year. As long as I continue to lie to myself and others, I am being untrue to myself and there is no solid moral compass.
And it does make life more difficult. I have to remember to never call my family on my supposed meeting nights and to have a sense about when the CO is going visit and assembly dates and such. Then I have to remember to not answer the phone when I'm suppose to being something JW, if I do, they ask why did I answer the phone as they called to just leave me a message and I'd have to quickly come up with something. I also have watch the timing of my emails. As type this post, I realize how pathetic it is for me to jump through all these hoops.
Once I'm honest with my family, I realize that they will ask how long have I been pulling this charade and to know its been almost a year will only hurt them more. So no more procrastinating. Even though I haven't built up the support base that I'll probably need, I know what I need to do. I just hope everyone in family doesn't jump on a plane to come save me from "the world".
John Doe...thank you.
-
bigdreaux
shopaholic, you have a p.m.
-
shopaholic
I encourage people leaving the WTS if possible to not get officially df'd/da'd and maintain family relationships if there is a value. This is not easy and very challenging.
Gayle, it's extremely challenging. I've often thought that to DA might be easier because its a clean break but I do love my family (and I have big one) and I do enjoy their company. I don't want to choose between my family and my freedom. Also, I know it would potientally cause a division among my family. My dad, who is not a JW, would not be able to grasp the concept of my mom and siblings and relatives not talking to me. Did I mention I'm his favorite? Its no secret in my family. So I've thought about that as well. Which is why I've chosen to fade.
Urrrgh...why did I ever get baptized?! I know I shouldn't dwell on the past but I could buy a magic stick and change it, I would.