i need some advice please

WANTMOMBACK

My mom is a devout JW but I am not and she is constantly making me feel guilty. The subject of church has really never come up with my husband but now our daughter spent the night with one of her friends and they took her to Awanas and now she talks about it all the time and really wants to go. I just tell her no because I don't want to listen to my mom but I didn't realize my husband told our daughter she could go!!! I don't care either way but I just don't want my mom all over my case. She lives only a couple miles from us and sees my girls everyday and I know she will confuse the crap out of them if I do let her go. She always makes little comments and then my daughter will be like what in the world is she talking about!?!? I know everytime I write on here it is always something about my mom driving me nuts with this but I love her very much but I want a nice and gentle way to say let me live my life and you can have your crazy religion and I won't bother you about it. But if I said that she would be crushed and probably ice me out for months! Thanks in advance for any help you can offer!!

mrsjones5

I am a mother of four children, my parents are jws and I am not. Where my family and I go to church (yep we have a church home) is none of my parents business. I do have the luxury of living over 2000 miles from my parents but even if they lived next door it would be the same.

My advice to you is to let your child go and if your mother says anything about it say "I'm sorry mom if you don't like it but she's my child" then be quite and don't say thing thing else. You don't have to justify yourself to your mother about how you choose to raise your child. You don't have to yell just be firm and have a backbone.

Josie

journey-on

They stop dead in their tracks when you tell them: "I prayed about it. As a matter of fact, I pray about my

children everyday, and I'm guided by that, Mom. That's all I can tell you."

They never know what to say when you tell them you pray to God. They have it ingrained in them by the

borg that JWs are the only ones God hears. Such BS.

Gopher

My mom is a devout JW but I am not and she is constantly making me feel guilty.

She cannot make you feel anything without your permission.

I just tell her no because I don't want to listen to my mom but I didn't realize my husband told our daughter she could go!!! I don't care either way but I just don't want my mom all over my case.

She always makes little comments

Your mom's meddling in your family matters. She's not following the JW teaching (and may need to be firmly reminded) that the FATHER is the head of the household, not the grandmother.

COMPARE the next two quotes, and see how they would sound if you were talking about someone else:

my mom driving me nuts with this but I love her

if I said that she would be crushed and probably ice me out for months

She is being controlling, whether or not she realizes it (I don't know her I can't judge that). If she did "ice you out", she'd probably come back ON YOUR TERMS.

You must take control and set boundaries. The meddling has to stop, unless you're enjoying feeling enraged and like seeing your daughter confused by grandma's cultish intonations.

Either your or hubby must put your foot down with mom, firmly but kindly, and say that your relationship will from now on will only be allowed a non-religious basis. Any religious talk, and she won't get to see her granddaughter. She'll probably acquiesce so that she can keep seeing her granddaughter.

changeling

What's Awanas??

That's beside the point. You are an independant adult and mother. What you say goes regarding your child. Very tactfully and lovingly, find a way to tell your mom to back off.

You can have both: a relashionship with your mom and independance, it's just a little tricky at times.

All the best,

changeling

Deputy Dog

You never know, your daughter may teach your mom something. I've heard only good things about the program.

From: http://www.awana.org/about/default.aspx?id=17

The acronym Awana comes from the first letters of Approved Workmen Are Not Ashamed as taken from
2 Timothy 2:15.

Scully

Your mother is doing what she has been programmed to do by the JWs. That's the nature of her personality at this point.

Your best bet is to defer to your husband - if your mother questions you about your daughter attending church, tell her it was her father's decision to let her go with her friend. You aren't lying, and if she tries to needle you about it, you can always shut her up on the matter by saying, "Look, if you have a problem with HIS decision, please talk to him about it yourself. I would rather not discuss it with you."

Do not allow your mother to triangulate matters by making you the go-between for her complaints against your husband's decision making for the family. Always, always, always, when she starts criticizing him, tell her that you do not want to discuss her complaints or engage her gossip, that the scriptural way to handle matters is to talk to the person directly.

WANTMOMBACK

Thank you all so much for the great advice. I wish I was a better writer and could make a more vivid picture of my family llife. My mom is such a sad sack when anything like this comes up she always acts like " well I guess that's it. You are not going to live in the new system with grampa and you will never meet my mother. You won't see Aunt so and so again" and the list just grows.

I love her like I said but this has been just paralyzing to me and I know the best advice would be to get a backbone but as I am sure all of you know all that would do is push her away and my kids are really close to her (she does have normal days!) My husband thinks JW's are absolutely bananas and thee is no talking to him about it. He is very kind to my mother and loves her but he doesn't listen to her nonsense and she must somehow sense this b/c she never witnesses to him. b/t/w are all witnesses extremely paranoid as in everyone hates them b/c they are JW? My mom is becoming increasingly paranoid like this.

tula

I just tell her no because I don't want to listen to my mom but I didn't realize my husband told our daughter she could go!!! I don't care either way but I just don't want my mom all over my case.

Remind your mother that bible principles teach submission to your husband as head of household and that is the course you are following. Headship was a decree ordained by Jehovah. Jehovah, therefore has approved.

Science101

Maybe you could just say that you belong to jehovahs-witness.com?

I couldn't resist mentioning that! It is at least a compromise.

i need some advice please

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