I saw this the other day. The Washington Post apparently has a yearly contest where readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words -- and the winners were . . .
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you
have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up
after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed
by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation
with Yiddish expressions.
14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die,
your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
Can you think of any?