Official protocol for DF family member (page 2)

freeme

your moms attitude is apostate ;D

its not what the slave actually says. there was a wt or awake some months ago which said very clearly that even relatives outside the same household should be avoided as far as possible.

dobbie

freeme that's probably the article i was refferring to i think it was either a km or watchtower just wondering if anyone could post it for me please?It was last half of last year i am sure.

ex-nj-jw

My family practices their own type of shunning:

1. quietly - when no one is around they are happy go lucky and will talk, laugh, eat and play with you

2. convience - will shun you when they don't need you for something. But all bets are off if they need something they will call and you are their best friend!

JW's are known for being wishy-washy and fake - my family is no different.

nj

The two most recent articles availabe on the subject of relatives being disfellowshipped and how to treat them are "When a Loved One Leaves Jehovah," Sept. 1, 2006 Watchtower, pp. 17-21, and "Display Christian Loyalty When a Relative is Disfellowshipped," August 2002, Our Kingdom Ministry, pp. 3-4.

The first article from w06 9/1 17-21, including picture captions and two boxes:

When
aLovedOneLeavesJehovah
MARK and Louise are Jehovah’s Witnesses. With love and care, they taught the Scriptures to their children, as the Bible exhorts Christian parents to do. (Proverbs 22:6; 2 Timothy 3:15) Sadly, not all of their children continued to serve Jehovah upon becoming young adults. "My heart aches for the children who strayed," says Louise. "How can I pretend that it doesn’t hurt desperately from day to day? When others speak of their sons, my throat tightens up and I have to hold back tears."
Yes, when a person chooses to leave Jehovah and the way of life set out in the Scriptures, faithful family members typically experience deep anguish. "I love my sister very much," says Irene. "I would do anything to see her come back to Jehovah!" Maria, whose brother turned his back on Jehovah to pursue a course of immoral conduct, says: "This has been hard for me to bear because in every other respect, he has been a wonderful brother to me. I especially miss him at large family gatherings."
Why
IsItSoHard?
Why does the spiritual loss of a child or other loved one cause such deep distress to Christian relatives? Because they know that the Scriptures promise eternal life on a paradise earth for those who remain loyal to Jehovah. (Psalm 37:29; 2 Peter 3:13; Revelation 21:3-5) They look forward to sharing these blessings with their mates, children, parents, siblings, and grandchildren. How it pains them to think that their loved ones who have stopped serving Jehovah may miss out! Even with regard to their present life, Christians appreciate that Jehovah’s laws and principles are for their benefit. Christians are therefore heartbroken to see their loved ones sow in such a way as to ensure a bitter harvest.—Isaiah 48:17, 18; Galatians 6:7, 8.
It may be difficult for some who have never experienced such a loss to appreciate just how devastating it can be. Virtually every aspect of life is affected. "It has become harder and harder to sit at Christian meetings and see parents laughing and talking with their children," says Louise. "Any happy event is overshadowed by emptiness because of the ones missing." One Christian elder recalls the four years during which his wife’s daughter cut off association with them. He says: "Often, even the ‘good times’ were difficult. If I gave my wife a gift or took her somewhere nice for a weekend, she would break down crying, remembering that her daughter did not share our happiness."
Are such Christians overreacting? Not necessarily. In fact, they may to some extent be reflecting the qualities of Jehovah, in whose image man was made. (Genesis 1:26, 27) What does this mean? Well, how did Jehovah feel when his people Israel rebelled against him? From Psalm 78:38-41, we learn that Jehovah was hurt and pained. Yet, he patiently warned and disciplined them, forgiving them time and again upon their demonstrating repentance. Obviously, Jehovah feels a personal attachment to his creatures, ‘the work of his hands,’ and does not easily give up on them. (Job 14:15; Jonah 4:10, 11) He implanted in humans the capacity for having similar loyal attachments, and the bond between family members can be especially strong. So it is not surprising that humans would grieve over the spiritual loss of a beloved relative.
Indeed, the spiritual loss of a loved one is among the most difficult of trials that come upon true worshippers. (Acts 14:22) Jesus said that accepting his message would cause division in some families. (Matthew 10:34-38) This is not because the Bible message of itself causes family division. Rather, unbelieving or unfaithful family members cause a rift by rejecting, abandoning, or even opposing the way of Christianity. We can be thankful, however, that Jehovah does not leave his faithful ones without a means of coping with the trials that beset them. If you are presently sorrowing over the spiritual loss of a loved one, what Bible principles can help you endure the grief and find a measure of joy and contentment?
Coping
"By
buildingupyourselves . . . ,keepyourselvesinGod’slove." (Jude 20, 21) Depending on your particular circumstances, it may be that there is nothing you can do at this time to help a family member who has stopped serving Jehovah. Nevertheless, you can and should build up yourself as well as any remaining faithful family members. Veronica, who saw two of her three sons leave the truth, says: "My husband and I were reminded that if we remain in a strong spiritual state, we will be in the best condition to welcome back our sons when they come to their senses. Where would the prodigal son have been if his father had not been in a condition to receive him back?"
To keep yourself in a strong condition, be absorbed in spiritual activities. This would include maintaining a schedule for deep Bible study and attending Christian meetings. Make yourself available to help others in the congregation to the extent that your circumstances allow. True, initially you may find such activities difficult. Veronica recalls: "My first instinct was to isolate myself like a wounded animal. But my husband insisted on our keeping a good spiritual routine. He made sure that we went to the meetings. When it was time to attend a convention, I needed a lot of courage to go and face people. Yet, the program drew us closer to Jehovah. Our son who had remained faithful was particularly built up by that convention."
Maria, mentioned earlier, finds it especially helpful to stay busy in the field ministry and is presently helping four persons to learn about the Bible. Similarly, Laura says: "Although I still cry daily, I thank Jehovah that even if I have not had the success that some parents have had in raising children, I do have the Bible’s perfect message, which is able to help families in these last days." Ken and Eleanor, whose adult children left the congregation, arranged their circumstances to move to an area where there is a greater need for Kingdom publishers and to pursue the full-time ministry. This has helped them keep matters in perspective and avoid being swallowed up by sorrow.
Do
notgiveuphope. Love "hopes all things." (1 Corinthians 13:7) Ken, mentioned above, says: "When our children left the way of the truth, I thought that it was like their death. But after my sister died, my view changed. I am grateful that my children are not literally dead and that Jehovah continues to leave the way open for them to return to him." Indeed, experience has shown that many who have left the truth eventually do return.—Luke 15:11-24.
Resist
self-blame. Parents especially may tend to look back and regret that they did not handle certain situations differently. However, the main thought conveyed at Ezekiel 18:20 is that Jehovah holds the sinner, not his parents, responsible for his wrong choice. Interestingly, while the book of Proverbs makes many comments about the parents’ obligation to bring up their children in the right way, it contains over four times as much counsel for young ones to listen to and obey their parents. Yes, children have the responsibility to respond to the Bible-based training of their imperfect parents. You likely handled matters as well as you could at the time. Still, even if you feel that you made certain mistakes and that these were indeed your fault, that does not necessarily mean that your mistakes caused your loved one to leave the truth. At any rate, there is nothing to be gained by indulging in "if onlys." Learn from your mistakes, determine not to repeat them, and pray to Jehovah for forgiveness. (Psalm 103:8-14; Isaiah 55:7) Then look to the future, not the past.
Be
patientwithothers. It may be hard for some to know just how to encourage or comfort you, especially if they have never had a similar experience. Besides, people differ as to what they consider encouraging and comforting. So if some say things that upset you, apply the apostle Paul’s counsel found at Colossians 3:13: "Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely if anyone has a cause for complaint against another."
Respect
Jehovah’sarrangementfordiscipline. If your relative has received discipline from the congregation, remember that this is part of Jehovah’s arrangement and is in the best interests of all, including the wrongdoer. (Hebrews 12:11) Therefore, resist any inclination to find fault with the elders who were involved or the decisions they made. Remember, the best results come from doing things Jehovah’s way, whereas opposing Jehovah’s arrangements can only result in added distress.
After Israel’s deliverance from Egypt, Moses regularly served as judge. (Exodus 18:13-16) Since a judgment in favor of one individual would probably have been against another, it is not hard to imagine that some were disappointed by Moses’ decisions. Finding fault with Moses’ judgments perhaps contributed to some instances of rebellion against his leadership. However, Jehovah was using Moses to lead His people, and He punished, not Moses, but the rebels and their families who supported them. (Numbers 16:31-35) We can learn from this by striving to respect and cooperate with decisions made by those with theocratic authority today.
In this regard, Delores recalls how difficult it was for her to maintain a balanced view when her daughter was disciplined by the congregation. "What helped me," she says, "was to read over and over again articles dealing with the reasonableness of Jehovah’s arrangements. I made a special notebook of points from talks and articles that would help me to bear up and carry on." This leads to another important means of coping.
Express
yourfeelings. You may find it helpful to confide in one or two understanding friends who have your trust. In doing so, select friends who will help you to maintain a positive attitude. It will certainly be most effective to "pour out your heart" in prayer to Jehovah. (Psalm 62:7, 8) Why? Because he fully understands the depth of what you are feeling. For example, you may feel that it is unfair that you should have to experience such emotional anguish. After all, you did not leave Jehovah. Commit your feelings to Jehovah, and ask him to help you view the situation in a less painful way.—Psalm 37:5.
With the passing of time, you will likely be better able to manage your feelings. Meanwhile, do not give up in your efforts to be pleasing to your heavenly Father, and never feel that these are in vain. (Galatians 6:9) Remember, if we were to leave Jehovah, we would still have problems. On the other hand, by remaining loyal to him, we have his help with the trials we face. Be assured, then, that Jehovah appreciates the magnitude of your situation and will continue to give you needed strength at the right time.—2 Corinthians 4:7; Philippians 4:13; Hebrews 4:16.

[Footnotes]
Some names have been changed.
Regarding praying in behalf of a disfellowshipped relative, see TheWatchtower, December 1, 2001, pages 30-1.

[Box
onpage 19]
How
toCope
?
"By building up yourselves . . . , keep yourselves in God’s love."—Jude 20, 21.

?
Do not give up hope.—1 Corinthians 13:7.

?
Resist self-blame.—Ezekiel 18:20.

?
Be patient with others.—Colossians 3:13.

?
Respect Jehovah’s arrangement for discipline.—Hebrews 12:11.

?
Express your feelings.—Psalm 62:7, 8.
[Box/Picture
onpage 21]
Have
YouLeftJehovah?
If so, whatever the reason, your relationship with Jehovah and your eternal prospects are at risk. Perhaps you intend to return to Jehovah. Are you vigorously pursuing this now? Or are you putting it off until "the right time"? Remember, the storm clouds of Armageddon are swiftly approaching. Moreover, life in this system is short and uncertain. You cannot know if you will even be alive tomorrow. (Psalm 102:3; James 4:13, 14) One man who was diagnosed with a terminal illness said: "This illness caught me serving Jehovah full-time, with no skeletons in my closet. And that’s a good feeling to have right now." Imagine, though, how he would have felt if his illness had caught him saying, "Someday, I will return to Jehovah!" If you have left Jehovah, now is the best time to return.
[Pictures
onpage 18]
Being absorbed in spiritual activities can help you keep the right perspective

And the second article from km 8/02 3-4, including the study questions:

Display
ChristianLoyaltyWhenaRelativeIsDisfellowshipped

1
The bond between family members can be very strong. This brings a test upon a Christian when a marriage mate, a child, a parent, or another close relative is disfellowshipped or has disassociated himself from the congregation. (Matt. 10:37) How should loyal Christians treat such a relative? Does it make a difference if the person lives in your household? First, let us review what the Bible says on this subject, the principles of which apply equally to those who are disfellowshipped and to those who disassociate themselves.
2
HowtoTreatExpelledOnes: God’s Word commands Christians not to keep company or fellowship with a person who has been expelled from the congregation: "Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person or an idolater or a reviler or a drunkard or an extortioner, not even eating with such a man. . . . Remove the wicked man from among yourselves." (1 Cor. 5:11, 13) Jesus’ words recorded at Matthew 18:17 also bear on the matter: "Let [the expelled one] be to you just as a man of the nations and as a tax collector." Jesus’ hearers well knew that the Jews of that day had no fraternization with Gentiles and that they shunned tax collectors as outcasts. Jesus was thus instructing his followers not to associate with expelled ones.—See TheWatchtower of September 15, 1981, pages 18-20.
3
This means that loyal Christians do not have spiritual fellowship with anyone who has been expelled from the congregation. But more is involved. God’s Word states that we should ‘noteveneatwithsuchaman.’ (1 Cor. 5:11) Hence, we also avoid social fellowship with an expelled person. This would rule out joining him in a picnic, party, ball game, or trip to the mall or theater or sitting down to a meal with him either in the home or at a restaurant.
4
What about speaking with a disfellowshipped person? While the Bible does not cover every possible situation, 2 John 10 helps us to get Jehovah’s view of matters: "If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, never receive him into your homes or say a greeting to him." Commenting on this, TheWatchtower of September 15, 1981, page 25, says: "A simple ‘Hello’ to someone can be the first step that develops into a conversation and maybe even a friendship. Would we want to take that first step with a disfellowshiped person?"
5
Indeed, it is just as page 31 of the same issue of TheWatchtower states: "The fact is that when a Christian gives himself over to sin and has to be disfellowshiped, he forfeits much: his approved standing with God; . . . sweet fellowship with the brothers, including much of the association he had with Christian relatives."
6
IntheImmediateHousehold: Does this mean that Christians living in the same household with a disfellowshipped family member are to avoid talking to, eating with, and associating with that one as they go about their daily activities? TheWatchtower of April 15, 1991, in the footnote on page 22, states: "If in a Christian’s household there is a disfellowshipped relative, that one would still be part of the normal, day-to-day household dealings and activities." Thus, it would be left up to members of the family to decide on the extent to which the disfellowshipped family member would be included when eating or engaging in other household activities. And yet, they would not want to give brothers with whom they associate the impression that everything is the same as it was before the disfellowshipping occurred.
7
However, TheWatchtower of September 15, 1981, page 28, points out regarding the disfellowshipped or disassociated person: "Former spiritual ties have been completely severed. This is true even with respect to his relatives, including those within his immediate family circle. . . . That will mean changes in the spiritual fellowship that may have existed in the home. For example, if the husband is disfellowshiped, his wife and children will not be comfortable with him conducting a family Bible study or leading in Bible reading and prayer. If he wants to say a prayer, such as at mealtime, he has a right to do so in his own home. But they can silently offer their own prayers to God. (Prov. 28:9; Ps. 119:145, 146) What if a disfellowshiped person in the home wants to be present when the family reads the Bible together or has a Bible study? The others might let him be present to listen if he will not try to teach them or share his religious ideas."
8
If a minor child living in the home is disfellowshipped, Christian parents are still responsible for his upbringing. TheWatchtower of November 15, 1988, page 20, states: "Just as they will continue to provide him with food, clothing, and shelter, they need to instruct and discipline him in line with God’s Word. (Proverbs 6:20-22; 29:17) Loving parents may thus arrange to have a home Bible study with him, even if he is disfellowshipped. Maybe he will derive the most corrective benefit from their studying with him alone. Or they may decide that he can continue to share in the family study arrangement."—See also TheWatchtower of October 1, 2001, pages 16-17.
9
RelativesNotintheHousehold: "The situation is different if the disfellowshipped or disassociated one is a relative living outside the immediate family circle and home," states TheWatchtower of April 15, 1988, page 28. "It might be possible to have almost no contact at all with the relative. Even if there were some family matters requiring contact, this certainly would be kept to a minimum," in harmony with the divine injunction to "quit mixing in company with anyone" who is guilty of sinning unrepentantly. (1 Cor. 5:11) Loyal Christians should strive to avoid needless association with such a relative, even keeping business dealings to an absolute minimum.—See also TheWatchtower of September 15, 1981, pages 29-30.
10
TheWatchtower addresses another situation that can arise: "What if a close relative, such as a son or a parent who does not live in the home, is disfellowshiped and subsequently wants to move back there? The family could decide what to do depending on the situation. For example, a disfellowshiped parent may be sick or no longer able to care for himself financially or physically. The Christian children have a Scriptural and moral obligation to assist. (1 Tim. 5:8) . . . What is done may depend on factors such as the parent’s true needs, his attitude and the regard the head of the household has for the spiritual welfare of the household."—TheWatchtower of September 15, 1981, pages 28-9.
11
As for a child, the same article continues: "Sometimes Christian parents have accepted back into the home for a time a disfellowshiped child who has become physically or emotionally ill. But in each case the parents can weigh the individual circumstances. Has a disfellowshiped son lived on his own, and is he now unable to do so? Or does he want to move back primarily because it would be an easier life? What about his morals and attitude? Will he bring ‘leaven’ into the home?—Gal. 5:9."
12
BenefitsofBeingLoyaltoJehovah: Cooperating with the Scriptural arrangement to disfellowship and shun unrepentant wrongdoers is beneficial. It preserves the cleanness of the congregation and distinguishes us as upholders of the Bible’s high moral standards. (1 Pet. 1:14-16) It protects us from corrupting influences. (Gal. 5:7-9) It also affords the wrongdoer an opportunity to benefit fully from the discipline received, which can help him to produce "peaceable fruit, namely, righteousness."—Heb. 12:11.
13
After hearing a talk at a circuit assembly, a brother and his fleshly sister realized that they needed to make adjustments in the way they treated their mother, who lived elsewhere and who had been disfellowshipped for six years. Immediately after the assembly, the man called his mother, and after assuring her of their love, he explained that they could no longer talk to her unless there were important family matters requiring contact. Shortly thereafter, his mother began attending meetings and was eventually reinstated. Also, her unbelieving husband began studying and in time was baptized.
14
Loyally upholding the disfellowshipping arrangement outlined in the Scriptures demonstrates our love for Jehovah and provides an answer to the one that is taunting Him. (Prov. 27:11) In turn, we can be assured of Jehovah’s blessing. King David wrote regarding Jehovah: "As for his statutes, I shall not turn aside from them. With someone loyal you will act in loyalty."—2 Sam. 22:23, 26.
[Study
Questions]

1. What situation can test a Christian’s loyalty?
2. According to the Bible, how are Christians to treat those expelled from the congregation?
3, 4. What sort of fellowship with disfellowshipped and disassociated people is forbidden?

5. When disfellowshipped, what does a person forfeit?
6. Is a Christian required to cut off all association with a disfellowshipped relative living in the same household? Explain.
7. How does spiritual fellowship within the home change when a family member is disfellowshipped?
8. What responsibility do Christian parents have toward a minor disfellowshipped child living in the home?
9. To what extent should a Christian have contact with a disfellowshipped relative living outside the home?
10, 11. What will a Christian consider before allowing a disfellowshipped relative to move into the home?
12. What are some benefits of the disfellowshipping arrangement?
13. What adjustment did one family make, and with what result?
14. Why should we loyally support the disfellowshipping arrangement?

These were copied directly from the 2006 WT Library CD-ROM and are the current views from the Society on the matter.

Erandir

ellderwho

The situation is different if the disfellowshipped or disassociated one is a relative living outside the immediate family circle and home. It might be possible to have almost no contact at all with the relative. Even if there were some family matters requiring contact, this certainly would be kept to a minimum, in line with the divine principle: "Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person [or guilty of another gross sin], . . . not even eating with such a man."
— 1 Corinthians 5:11 .

Thanks blacksheep. I like this because its officially from the wtbs website. Something I can definitly foward to mom. I think for mom its flavor of the week as far as doctrine is concerned.

The point being is "what ifs" the relationship would have been foresaken and the towers could care less.

Thanks for the replies.

OnTheWayOut

Do you shun former members?

Those who become inactive in the congregation, perhaps even drifting away from association with fellow believers, are not shunned.
SO THEY MUST BE INACTIVE MEMBERS, NOT FORMER MEMBERS. (Avoiding the real question to make it appear that something else was said.)
In fact, special effort is made to reach out to them and rekindle their spiritual interest. If, however, someone unrepentantly practices serious sins, such as drunkeness, stealing or adultery, he will be disfellowshipped and such an individual is avoided by former fellow-worshipers.
THE KEY WORDS ARE "SUCH AS." THEY NEVER SAID THE ENTIRE LIST OF SERIOUS SINS DEFINED BY THE WTS BUT IT INCLUDES REJECTING THE FDS AS GOD'S REPRESENTATIVE OR OTHER THINGS THAT MOST OF THE WORLD DOES NOT DEFINE AS SIN. (Still avoiding the question.) THEY SAY "SUCH AN INDIVIDUAL IS AVOIDED BY..." THEY DON'T WANT TO USE THE WORD "SHUN." LOOK FOR IT ANYWHERE IN THEIR ANSWER AFTER THEY SAY "not shunned."
Every effort is made to help wrongdoers.
HERE'S THE SHIFT TO "WRONGDOER" SO YOU WON'T RECALL THAT THE ORIGINAL QUESTION WAS ABOUT "FORMER MEMBERS."
But if they are unrepentant, the congregation needs to be protected from their influence. The Bible clearly states: 'Remove the wicked man from among yourselves.' (1 Corinthians 5:13) Those who formally say they do not want to be part of the organization any more are also avoided.
THE RED WORDS HERE WOULD BE GREAT. AS LONG AS A PERSON HAS TO FORMALLY SAY IT, OTHERS COULD AVOID THIS SHUNNING BY NOT DECLARING SUCH A THING. NOT TRUE- WTS DEFINES "FORMALLY DECLARING" TO BE ANY ACTION THAT IS VIEWED AS DISASSOCIATING ONESELF. SO IF THEY SPY AN INACTIVE MEMBER PARTICIPATING IN HOLIDAYS OR POLITICS OR SWIMMING AT THE YMCA, THAT INACTIVE MEMBER IS SHUNNED. ALSO, "THE BIBLE CLEARLY STATES: ..." - NO ATTEMPT TO UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF WHAT THE BIBLE CLEARLY SAYS. IT ALSO SAYS TO FORGIVE SUCH A MAN.
What of a man who is disfellowshipped but whose wife and children are still Jehovah's Witnesses? The spiritual ties he had with his family change, but blood ties remain. The marriage relationship and normal family affections and dealings can continue.
BUT PLEASE DON'T READ OUR LITERATURE THAT BASICALLY SAYS TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE DISFELLOWSHIPPED MEMBER IN A MONETARY WAY OR GIVE SEXUAL AND MARITAL FAVORS TO SUCH A PERSON BECAUSE THEY PROVIDE SOMETHING FOR THE FAMILY. THESE ACTS COULD BE VIEWED AS PROSTITUTING ONESELF WITH THE FORMER MEMBER IF ONE'S VIEW IS NOT SHAPED BY THE WTS. ALSO, A JW'S ENTIRE LIFE REVOLVES AROUND THE RELIGION, SO THE "NORMAL FAMILY AFFECTIONS AND DEALINGS" WHICH CONTINUE ARE LEFTOVERS FROM A LIFE THE DISFELLOWSHIPPED ONE IS NO LONGER WELCOME INTO.
As for disfellowshipped relatives not living in the same household, Jehovah's Witnesses apply the Bible's counsel: "Quit mixing with them." (1 Corinthians 5:11) Disfellowshipped individuals may continue to attend religious services and, if they wish, they may receive spiritual counsel from the elders with a view to their being restored. They are always welcome to return to the faith if they reject the improper course of conduct for which they were disfellowshipped.
AGAIN, THE READER IS SUPPOSED TO ASSUME THE DISFELLOWSHIPPED PERSON IS A SINNER, AND FORGET THE ORIGINAL QUESTION. CLEARLY, IT WAS ANSWERED. Do you shun former members? YES.

I have read that before and it always bothered me. I had to put the cult language back into it.
Don't worry. The WT often does the same thing I just did- add to the text.

Official protocol for DF family member

freeme

dobbie

ex-nj-jw

erandir

ellderwho

OnTheWayOut

changeling

SirNose586

MsMcDucket

Bonnie_Clyde

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