I've been lurking here for a few years on and off. I faded from the borg seven years ago and haven't had one regret since. The only regret I have is wasting twenty years of my life and my children's lives. Thankfully they are all out and are very forgiving, although they live with the residual effects of all the control that dominated our lives.
I started studying with JW's in 1978 when I was disappointed with life, family and marriage. The Vietnam war had ended and I was aware and afraid of nuclear weapons. i had a friend from high school that went to a commune in New Mexico and came back home and began studying with JW's. Paradise, seeing my father who passed away when I was 3 and a loving brotherhood sounded wonderful so I started studying out of that little blue Truth book.
I try to look at the good that happened in my life and I'm appreciative that the religion helped me become drug and substance free. I made some good friends while my children were growing up, which I didn't have as a child or young adult. My husband at the time was an unbeliever so I didn't fit in with the elders etc., so I aux. pioneered a few times of year to be considered theocratic.One of my fleshly brothers was going through a divorce and he became one of JW's with my help. :(
In the 1980's I became extremely depressed due to being abused as a child. I grew up in an orphanage, thus my alias v1710 was my laundry number. The elders weren't at all helpful, although they tried. I began professional counseling which lasted for over ten years. My couselor never told me to leave JW's, but helped me learn to think and reason for myself. When I began having doubts about the religion he never told me what to do, but told me to ask myself what legitimacy is there in what JW's say, what legitimacy is there in what I believe and what do I feel most comfortable with. This helped me not feel guilty about going to work secularly and other things. My biggest disappointment with JW's was when they came out with the new light about the generation in Matthew. It was after that that I didn't want to go door to door. I didn't understand the new light and couldn't knock on people's doors and teach them something I didn't understand or believe in. There was also an elder in the congregation that was very controlling and that was more than I could handle. When my older children left the religion by and I wasn't supposed to have contact with them I drew the line. I didn't have a family when I was a child and there was no way I was going to give up having a relationship with my children. They were teenagers and still needed guidance and direction.
Although my husband wasn't a JW ( in fact he was df'd my marriage ended). We were both happy to be out of an unhappy situation. I began to fade after I separated from him. I began attending meetings at other congregations, not to fade, but because I thought it might be better elsewhere, it wasn't. It helped the fade as the elders never new where and if I was attending meetings. I found a little book at Barnes & Nobles about toxic religion and it referred to JW's. I cried and cried and called the author. He was kind and got me in touch with Randy at Freeminds. I read Crisis In Cons. by Ray Franz and couldn't believe how the religion was rotten from the top. I thought it was just the congregation I was in, but he described perfectly what I was experiencing locally. I remember feeling so guilty for reading the book and would hide it my closet in case anything happened to me and someone found it I wouldn't be disfellowshipped and somehow I thought hiding it from JW's was like hiding it from God. That says a lot doesn't it?
I continued to pray to God and accepted Christ as my savior. I was led out of the desert into a land flowing with milk and honey. I could of never imagined all the wonderful things that would happen to me after I was free. When I mentally left the religion I walked around for days singing "Born Free" I met a caring loving man and we've been married for over six years. I've tried to attend churches a few times, but organized religion will never be part of my life again.
For the first few years I wouldn't speak to any JW's as I wanted everyone and everything out of my life. I had my husband burn all the books and literature. This past summer JW's stopped by and wanted to talk. I was polite and tried not to get into anything "spiritual" but they insisted so I gave it to them. It was the day after the massacre at Virginia Tech and of course she brought up the how terrible the tv and internet are for people. I said that had nothing to do with what that boy did. He was mentally ill. A lot of people watch tv and use the internet and don't commit crimes to that degree or any degree. I told her that when evil happens there is also the greatest propensity for good and that a lot of good would come out of the situation. I told her about my little grandaughter who has juvenile diabetes and all the wonderful people we've met due to the condition. The woman (I won't call them sisters and brothes or use any of their other terms) began attacking the catholic religion because of the abuse that happens. I asked her how she could do that when the same things happens with JW's. She asked me if I kew of someone personally and I said "YES" She said "Well, there is no perfect organization" I told here "That's the point....I'm not looking for any organization. No one will ever put me or God in a box again. The greatest thing I've ever heard is the word GRACE and if I die tomorrow I know that God loves me just the way I am right now." Her husband quickly spoke up and said "We have to get going>"
After they left I felt so good for having my say. I thought back to the young 20 year old girl I was that swallowed everything they said hook, line and sinker and had no regrets about what I said to them. I appreciate this forum as it verifies my perception of reality and I don't feel so alone in what I went through.