Yoga Anyone?
The yoga instructor passes around little sandalwood scented eye pillows, pops in a "mood music" CD, and dims the lights. We all sit cross legged on our slightly sticky mats. Our instructor tells us to close our eyes, and a with calm, soothing voice, speaks of turning our thoughts inward, dispelling the cares of the day, letting go of ego and competition… All I can think of is how uncomfortable this pose is and as for "the cares of the day", well, they are just rattling around in my head as noisy as can be.
We move into some easy poses and I begin to limber up. As the poses get more complicated I notice that even though the air in the room is rather cold, I have begun to perspire at the nape of my neck. "That’s funny", I think to myself, "I didn’t think I was working all that hard".
Before long we are doing unfamiliar poses that require all my concentration to maintain so I don’t "fall out". My only thought is: breathe, breathe, breathe. If I think of anything else, I will lose my balance. I don’t always get every pose just right, but with each class I get a little better, I feel a little stronger and I feel a real sense of accomplishment for it.
We twist and turn and breathe through tough poses and hold our balance. We do easy poses, and hard poses and relaxing poses. We push to keep our form just right or modify so as not to aggravate preexisting ailments or injuries.
The hour has flown by. At the end of the class we do "Savasana", or corpse pose. Again we are reminded to look inward, to send away our thoughts, to "go to our special place". I realize that I can actually "go there" now. I close my eyes and inhale and exhale deeply. I picture the little folder that pops up when you download a computer program, except the papers are floating out of the file instead of into it. I let go of my thoughts and see a spiraling mist encircling a beautiful dancer dressed in a diaphanous lavender gown. She moves effortlessly and gracefully through the mist. The dancer is me.
I realize I will do yoga for the rest of my life. I did not know it before, but I need to "quiet" my mind. I’ve lived all my life with an incredibly "noisy" brain. It’s served me well. It has given me a great imagination and allows me to hardly ever be bored. I have the ability to entertain myself inside my own head. Even my dreams are vivid and entertaining. My brain never shuts up.
Now that I’ve gotten a glimpse of the true calmness freedom from thought provides, I want to go deeper into that state, deeper into my self than I’ve ever been. I want to be that dancer, moving in the mist, without cares, or worries, or thoughts to get in her way. She has no needs and no place to go. She just "is".