A married sister - posing as divorced on JW-Connect

James_Slash

Firstly, I will fill you in.

My friend's marriage split up in March. Both of them were raised as JW's, but I believe only my friend went to the meetings because his wife didn't want to go.

Anyway, I believe that my friend started suffering with his health because he was taking on extra work to look after his wife and daughter to cover the debts that she had accumulated. Anyway, in March she left, claimed Domestic Violence and has left him in all sorts of debt (she had been running up credit card bills) . He has not seen his daughter since then, suffered with pneumonia and is at present trying to deflect the volley of slanderous allegations aimed at him. My friend is one of the nicest people I know and he has suffered dreadfully.. He has become a nervous wreck. He has stopped attending meetings as members of her family (who are JW's in good standing) have gossiped about him around the congregations and supported her lies.

His wife has since launched divorce proceedings and appeared on a JW Dating website claiming that she is divorced - when she isn't. As far as I'm aware, there are no scriptural grounds for divorce and considering the lies she has told, the whole farce that she is now claiming to be a JW in good standing is almost laughable. The Elder arrangement are also reluctant to do anything, so what punishment is there?

If you wish to see the profile, let me know via PM but I won't post it on here.

rebel8

I imagine there would be punishment if the elders got a copy of her profile posted on a dating site. Let's think...hmmm....how could they get a copy? ;)

avengers

As far as I'm aware, there are no scriptural grounds for divorce

Think again. My wife divorced me because I am a danger to her Spiritual welbeing. In other words I am trying to screw with her relation with Jehovah.

You can get divorced for that reason, but not get married again according to the wise and almighty WT.

correct me if I'm wrong.

Andy

Open mind

If the elders are given solid evidence of the allegations you made, they will have to meet with her and tell her to stop.

Depending on how much they buy her side of the story and how well connected she is, she may get no "punishment" at all. But she would have to stop "dating". Of course she could easily just continue and be more discreet in the future.

If she defies the elders and won't stop, that could ultimately be seen as "loose conduct" and she could get a nice little ride on "The Disfellow-Ship".

That's my $.02.

Open Mind

Open mind

Andy/Avenger,

If you were seen as "Serious spiritual endangerment" they would allow your wife to SEPARATE from you, and she wouldn't get any flack for it. Going through with a legal divorce is something the Congregation would not recognize, unless there is adultery.

Open Mind

White Dove

What I did was research everything I could lay my hands on. I found out that there are only 3 reasons for separation but only one for divorce. But, here is the kicker: That one excuse for a divorce will give your friend freedom to remarry. The other 3 for separation are also good for divorce but your friend can't get remarried. I took all of my evidence to the elders and told them bluntly that I was getting a divorce but had absolutely no intention of remarrying. There was no punishment for me to get a divorce based on those 3 separation excuses as long as I didn't remarry.

So many times I've heard the mantra that you can only get divorced for adultry. That is simply not true. Just don't get remarried without it. That is how it really is.

wha happened?

OK this sounds so similar to my situation it's scary.

My ex had an affair in secret, and when I got close to finding out she suddenly emptied the house while I was at work, and put in a claim of spiritual endangerment along with mental abuse to the elders. She received little to no flak from the elders. As long as she kept the claim up of mental abuse and spiritual endangerment she flew under the radar. She was told that she could seperate, both physically and legally but not divorce and certainly not remarry. I filed for legal seperation as I was concerened about her spending habits and I didn't want to be left holding the financial bag. She countered with divorce. The elders only comment on that was that it would not go well for her.

The bottom line was the elders stayed way out of the picture. In fact after some time they began to view me as the closet psycho that she was slandering me with. I was viewed as the perpetrator and she the victim. One elder went as far as announcing to several others that he would not attend any gathering that I was invited to, prompting others to not attend as well. This of course was without a shred of evidence. She would attend assemblies without a wedding ring for obvious reasons.

Well eventually it was game over for her when the wife of the brother she was having an affair with caught them. She was df'd. No apology from all the elders who marked me.

wednesday

It's late so I may be missing something. She has filed divorce proceeding, yes? so what is the problem that she goes on a dating site and says she is divorced? It not like they are happily married and she was posing as a single or divorced person while still living with him.

the jws mentality of there never be any grounds for divorce except adultery is absurd. Witness so many horrible marriages among jws.

sounds like it's good riddance anyhow. maybe he should move on with his life like she is.

JK666

She can justify lying, just say it's Theocratic Warfare with her husband.

JK

jgnat

I feel bad that he's cut-off from his daughter. I hope his health improves and that he has some success in the courts in getting regular custody/access to his little girl.

The woman, a write-off.

A married sister - posing as divorced on JW-Connect

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