Questions that patients may not answer truthfully (page 2)

jgnat

I always bomb these two:

When was your last cycle and how long did it last?
How many "supplies" do you use in a day?

Does every other woman in the world keep track of these things?

AK - Jeff

If the questioner is a Jw - the questions might vary slightly;

Do you masturbate?

Have you committed oral sex?

Do you understand the dangers of using blood products that are not on the approved list of 'fractions'?

Do you participate in spititism, er, smoking?

Do you participate in 'thrill sports'?

When you drink, do you drink to the point of drunkedness ?

Have you been given a loyalty test?

Do you want to live forever in a paradise earth... oops thought I was in service again... damn,,, er I mean poop.... excuse me sir, I must go behind the curtain and pray for forgiveness... don't fondle yourself while I am gone.... you could go blind.

Jeff

Scully

When was your last cycle and how long did it last?
How many "supplies" do you use in a day?
Does every other woman in the world keep track of these things?

I do, but only because I feel that my cycle is excessive and those are the kinds of questions that provide a measurement of sorts for the doctor to go by. I'm probably the only woman alive looking forward to having a hysterectomy.

oompa

Have you ever had an STD?--------Maybe, but they think it was really Elephantitus.

Have you ever tried to commit suicide?-------I started to but it hurt so bad it nearly killed me.

Have you ever had an abortion?------I am changing doctors.....I only check F by accident doc.

Do you have a history of mental illness?----Stop joking Doc, that isn't funnty.

Have you ever abused drugs? How did you know I call my Winky Drug?

Have you ever used street drugs?---- Yes, coal tar and asphalt patch.

There's more. I just can't think of them all now.

Here's the comedy one (you'll have to use a little deciphering). How did that get in there?----I was changing the oil in my car.

emy the infidel

These are all too funny! "Do you have any religious affiliatiation?" there's the one I wouldn't answer, well only "protestant".

From the other side I've asked, "Are you hearing voices?"-----"Yes they tell me I'm a horrible person."------"How have you been coping with them?"----"I take a bunch of ativan. If I don't have any ativan I drink Jack Daniels."------"Does that help?"--------"No, but then I don't give a sh*t what the voices say." LOL

GentlyFeral

I work in a hospital, and management tells us that it's not unheard of to patients to lie about their names -- especially when they're tired of waiting to be called, they'll just answer to the next name, not realizing that we have pulled that chart and have it in hand, so it would really screw up medical records for that patient and themselves. So we always ask for social security number, birthdate, etc., so we catch them when the other info doesn't match up.

GentlyFeral

mrsjones5

Does every other woman in the world keep track of these things?

I try but I always peter out toward the end of the period. I figure as long as I know when my period started I'm good. When I was only getting my period every 3 months it was always assumed that maybe I was pregnant...I never was. Funny that no one ever questioned why my cycles were that long, I had an idea with was comfirmed with research on my part but there was only one doctor who said anything about what was going on and that was when I was seventeen. I just want it to be over...I'm so done with having periods.

MsMcDucket

You know the hospitals will contact your church if you tell them that you have a religious preference. Imagine an elder or priest coming in to visit you for complications of a STD or having an abortion!? Or any of those things listed. . .

I, really, don't have a religious preference now.

Some Catholics like to get that daily thing that Catholics do or is that only on Sundays? I haven't been to work in so long, I'm starting to forget things.

You know that the dub elders will come up to the hospital to be nosy! See if you got that no blood band on!

LongHairGal

Ms. McD,

I didn't answer the question about my religion in a hospital a few years ago. I was afraid if I said JW it would cause a problem. I certainly didn't and don't want a blood transfusion. But, it is just that I was afraid I would be opening up a can of worms if I said I belonged to this stupid religion. So, I said I was an athiest.

LHG

BizzyBee

Here's the comedy one (you'll have to use a little deciphering). How did that get in there?

Answers I've heard about:

grape: "I was making a fruit salad, naked. I dropped a grape and it bounced......"

whole cucumber: "I swallowed it whole." (ER doc noted: "Patient advised to chew food thoroughly.")

candle: I don't know what the excuse was, but I was working on the switchboard at a hospital and was asked to send the maintenance engineer to the ER with a drill. A patient had a large candle lodged up his hoo-ha and they used the drill to break through the center (of the candle, not his hoo-ha.) We had fun imagining that scenario! "........candle on the floor, taking a shower, soaped up, phone rings, run to answer it, slipped, landed on....you get the picture.........."

Questions that patients may not answer truthfully

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