How to paint like a mom
Arise at 5:30 am and drink a cup of coffee
Make lunches for family
Get family out the door to school/work
Decide to finally paint the kitchen
Start Wash
Decide to Make fresh pot of coffee.
Reach for new filter and realize that the cabinet door needs to be cleaned
Clean cabinet door
While cleaning cabinet door, remember that it is time to clean the oven vent filter grids as well
Attempt to remove grids and break nail
Swear
Retrieve screwdriver from toolbox and remove grids
Turn to place grids in sudsy water
Trip over cat
Swear
Mental note: don't swear so much
Remember that there was something else you were doing; Painting
Try to remember where you put the ladder
Retrieve ladder from the bedroom, carefully removing, one plastic toy axe and four Lego Stormtroopers from the rungs
Mental note: tell boy not to leave toys on mommy's ladder
Setup ladder in kitchen by wall that needs washing before painting
Remember Stormtroopers in hand
Go to boy's toy box only to realize that somewhere you have lost the head of one Stormtrooper
Retrace steps in effort to find head
Give up and go back to making coffee
Sip cup of coffee and search again
Take Stormtrooper helmet away from choking cat
Wash mangled helmet and place in toy box
Return to painting project
It is now 9:39 am...
Scrub wallpaper paste off kitchen walls for approx. 15 min
Hear dryer signal
Retrieve dry laundry and load dryer with clean clothing from washer
Put in another load to wash
Remove cat from clean clothing basket
Fold dry clothing and put away wondering where one of the boy's socks had gone
Return to scrubbing wall
Drop wet sponge on floor and run like mad to the sound of choking cat
Remove son's sock from it's entangled position on/in cat
Mental note: boy needs a new pair of socks
Lock cat in bathroom with food water litter-box and toy
Ignore attempt at sympathy and saucer-like 'what did I do to deserve this?' look from cat
It is now 11 am...
Finish scrubbing one kitchen wall until free of paste to the sound of pleading cat
Apply drywall mud to holes and dips
Smooth mud
Step back and smile
Remember grids soaking in sudsy water
Clean grids and return to soaking water
Hear crash from bathroom
Run
Re-attach shower rod and hang torn curtain while amused cat looks on
Glare at cat while making vague death threats
Pour a cup of coffee, now burnt
Sit down just as dryer buzzer sounds
Retrieve clean dry laundry, fold and put away
Wonder why cat is so quiet
Return to kitchen
It is now noon...
Take note of cute little claw marks in wet drywall mud and cute little cat prints across floor
Retrieve cat from middle of now ruined bedspread
Bathe indignant cat, dry and place cat into cat carrier
Fix ruined drywall job on kitchen wall
Remove cat prints from floor,
Spot clean carpet
Discard bedspread
Eat PB&J
Clean up lunch mess and re-contemplate painting job
It is now 2 pm...
Retrieve primer and roller and spread out painting tarps
Prime kitchen wall
Remember Grids
Retrieve grids and put through final scrub
Wonder if paintbrush spinner would work to spin the water out of the oven vent grids
Place now bent up grids back into place as best you can and hope husband thinks they came that way
Mental note: Paintbrush spinner does not work to spin water out of oven vent grids
Return to paint job...
Clean up all rollers, buckets, drywall knives, and paintbrushes
Haul painting tarps outside, throw over fence and spray with garden hose until clean
Check on cat, now asleep in carrier. Hope cat stays asleep until primer is dry on kitchen wall
It is now 3:30 pm...
Note that boy is out of school
Retrieve boy and Prepare snack
Warn boy to stay away from new primer
Help with homework until 4:30 when boy notices cat in carrier, now awake
Boy and cat abandon homework and run off to play
Collapse onto couch and turn on Judge Judy
At this point, husband comes home and notes that one small wall in kitchen is scrubbed and primed
Bite tongue when asked if this is all you got done today
Start dinner