This is a true story! The other day a buddy of mine told me that his friend was getting ready to go through a divorce from his wife. She had been goin' out on him. But she wanted to try to get back together, so they met for dinner. During the dinner it came out she still was messing around and he had had enough. He got up from the table, looked at her and said, "There are two kinds of people in this world. . . . . . . . .and you're neither one of them!"
Share something funny!
by LennyinBluemont 12 Replies latest jw friends
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AWAKE&WATCHING
A friend of mine, whom I consider very intelligent, was putting together a gift basket for a friend. She had tied balloons to the handle of the basket and they were hanging by the strings down onto the floor.
As she was filling the basket with goodies she kept "fluffing" up the balloons. We just kept talking and I continued to watch her "fluffing". Finally she stopped, very annoyed and yelled, "Why won't these balloons stay up in the air?"
I asked, "Did you fill them with helium?" The look on her face said it all. I fell on the floor laughing and trying not to wet myself as she asked, "You mean you can't just blow them up yourself?"
She worked her way through college at McDonald's where she filled many balloons with helium for parties and thought it was just air! She is now going to OSU for her masters degree.
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Billzfan23
An old circuit overseer was out with some young publishers from a local hall on his visit. He was talking to them in the car group about being observant and using the things that they observe as a segway into a theocratic conversation with a householder. He said "I will demonstrate"
At the next door, he approached the man of the house and said "I can see that your bumper sticker says "I love books" - and then went into a rant about the Bible being an old and accurate book of science and godliness or some drivel with typical JW catch phrases.
Little did he know, the householder got an amused look on his face because his bumper sticker actually read "I love boobs"... The poor car group just didn't have the heart to humiliate the CO with his mistake, however, the story spread like wildfire and was a favorite in the circuit..
I always thought that was a little funny..mildly pathetic.. but funny nonetheless.
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Gopher
You might find this funny -- from the Watchtower website. What's she laughing about, the part in the wedding talk about subjection?
http://www.watchtower.org/e/20061015/article_01.htm
Increase the Joy and
Dignity of Your
Wedding Day -
erynw
Why don't sharks eat clowns?
They taste funny! Buwa ha ha ha hee hee snort whoo boy whew
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AWAKE&WATCHING
Gopher - instead of laughing that made me throw up a little bit in my mouth.
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coffee_black
Thought these were really good....
Superwomen...
Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened.
-Cora Harvey Armstrong
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy....
-Helen Hayes (at 73)
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
-Janette Barber
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
-Lily Tomlin
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
-Carrie Snow
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
-Erma Bombeck
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
-Rhonda Hansome
The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
-Jane Sellman
Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.
-Jennifer Unlimited
Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-Charlotte Whitton
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
-Catherine
When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!
-Kathy Buckley
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another
country.
-Elayne Boosler
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man- if you want anything done ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinem
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
-Eleanor RooseveltCoffee
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Gopher
A young Witness girl gets caught at a pumpkin patch !!!
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primitivegenius
guy gets into a car accident and broadsides another car............. gets out of the vehicle to check on the damage.
as the driver of the other car gets out the first guy notices he is a dwarf................. who is yelling at him IM NOT HAPPY IM NOT HAPPY............
so he says............ which one are you then
