Can You REALLY Have a Platonic Relationship in the Organization?

by R.F. 20 Replies latest jw friends

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  R.F.

  Perhaps this is just a local issue, but i'd like to share this quick experience with you.

  I, like I thought any person could have, had a close friend of the opposite sex. Now she and I were good friends before I even entered into a courtship with my ex-fiancee. At first, she didn't like the idea of me having a female friend, but then she thought about it and said she had no problem with it, as long as certain boundaries were held......fair enough. So as my ex and I were going through some older photos of me and we came across one with my friend and I from way back when I visited her in her State about 3 years ago. Unexpectantly, my ex's entire demeanor changed, and she got extremely upset. I tried asking her what the the problem was but that was to no avail. I had to make a quick run so I left her house for a few minutes.

  When I returned, she goes on to interrogate me when it came to my friend and I. She wanted to know how much we talked, what we talked about......etc, etc, etc.....it was virtually a page long list if questions. The fact is, we, the friend and I didn't really talk much after I got into the courtship. Well we talked it out, but she said she felt we should go to the elders about it. She eventually opted out on that idea.

  She later ends up telling me that her mom fed her the questions to ask me. Her mom said that I probably have a romantic interest in her but it just didn't work out between us. She also suggest to my ex that I might be having another relationship on the side.

  Now i'll say this......i've never had a romantic interest in my female friend AT ALL. She's really like a sister to me.

  Then of course, the rumor mill began. Just because my friend seemed to be the ultimate "potential-mate package"...beautiful, regular pioneer, wanted to become a bethelite..etc, it was automatically assumed that there was no doubt that I tried to enter into a romantic relationship. This put a very stressful strain my relationship the ex for quite a while. That's another issue that I have with the Borg. It seems there's way too much outside interference when it comes to relationships.

  Why does it seem that young persons my age can't have friendships with ones of the opposite sex but older ones can? There are many friendships like these in my congregation, as well as many others i'm familiar with.

  R.F.
• 

  sweetface2233

  It's not just in the org that this happens, honey. It is life in general. I mean, just reading your post I was getting jealous of your female friends

  I have fallen numerous times for male friends and had many male friends fall for me. It's unrequited love...a part of life.
• 

  R.F.

  EDIT: Sorry sweetface...I misread your post....

  What I meant by the thread and it's title is the question...."can we really have a platonic relationship without there being such a big issue about it in the organization?"

  Many people have this type of relationship. Some eventually may go further, but many keep it at this level. It seems like within the Borg that you can't have one at all. The "world" abounds with them, even though they're talked about there too, but it seems that the Org has way too much control on the little guy when it comes to issues like these.

  R.F.
• 

  Gopher

  I agree with Sweetface that this kind of gossip goes on in real life.

  I'd suggest, however, that it happens even more among JW's because they don't always have a very interesting life themselves, with so many normal pursuits being restricted (for those appearing to be loyal to the organization). So in that case a main topic of conversation becomes PEOPLE.

  Supposed romance among young ones fascinates many JW's. You & your friend could be the topic-du-jour one day, and then they'll get tired of that and move on to dish on someone else.

  Have you ever heard this saying: Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, small people talk about other people. Most JW's seem to fall into the last 2 categories.
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  REBORNAGAIN

  Older ones can? Not really, I think due to their age & experiences in life, they know how to operate to notmake people think something. But overall, for any age it can be an issue. It's a touchy situation anyway. My experience is, to have such a relationship, the other half, your signifcant other, needs to be a part of this friendship too. Interference from her family, is always the worse for the other person (you), but a support for the one feeling threatened, (her).

  In the future, always take your partner's feelings into consideration. If she has outside male friends and it doesn't bother you, it should then go both ways. Put yourself in her shoes and think about how you would feel. Discuss it thoroughly and make sure all are in agreement.

  Regarding the congregation, I personally think it's none of their business, unless someone get's hurt, but then again, nothing should be the cong. business at all. It's a personal issue period.

  Good luck!

  LINDA
• 

  Soledad

  Within the context of the organization, the answer is clearly NO.

  I remember years ago how many articles came out in both magazines that emphasized dating for marriage only, and how to avoid "temptation" blah blah

  Even if you all had no other feelings for each other than just a wonderful friendship, the rumor mills would just not let up, wrecking everything and everyone in its path.
• 

  jaguarbass

  The only things that will give you problems in this life are people, places and things.

  To me it seems understandable that your fiance would have questions and concerns.

  The longer you live the more baggage you bring to a relationship.

  From a male perspective."If it has tits or wheels, it will give you problems."

  That's life.
• 

  sweetface2233

  From a male perspective."If it has tits or wheels, it will give you problems."

  From the female perspective, "if it has a dick, be prepared for it to behave as one."

  Except for my R.F., of course Unless....R.F. did you request this ad at the bottom of the page? Who is she????????
• 

  fresia

  From the female perspective, "if it has a dick, be prepared for it to behave as one."

  Ha ha, hilarious and true in most cases.

  I think it is harder in the org with this situation because they are naturally suspicious people, because remember ol satan is around to temp, so they have that in there brain.

  Its only normal for youre ex to be a little over awed by this, but when other people (mum) come into the picture and stir the pot, it becomes a barrier to any communication you and youre ex needed to resolve the issue. JW are suspicious busy bodies, and as the time goes by it becames worse not better, because they are told to watch out for this and that, they do the spying for the org, and the elders ask questions of those closest to the person of interest, creates a real happy life doesn't it not.
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  rebel8

  "Why does it seem that young persons my age can't have friendships with ones of the opposite sex"
  
  In my area single people were pretty much interchangeable. Individual attributes mattered very little. A single female would just end up with the first single male that swooped in to get her.
  
  Having things in common didn't really matter--all the drones pretty much had the same cult-centered lives so everyone had as much in common with person A, person B, person C, and so on. If it is this way in your area, then your friend "being like a sister/friend" is an unknown concept to them.
  
  If one party left the troof or died during courtship, the other party just moved on to the next single person who happened to be passing by.
  
  It didn't matter if he was engaged to her best friend or (biological) sister. Can you imagine having been engaged to someone who later becomes your sister-in-law? I've seen it happen in the cult.
  
  If she decided to abruptly move on and marry someone else instead, that was okey dokey.
  
  It was like watching a giant game of musical chairs. Everyone is racing to grab the first mate they can, even if they have to push someone else out of the way.
  
  This may have been partially due to the "no marriage in the New System" thing.