Does it matter whether you bought into it?

tall penguin

In my time on the boards and my personal experience, it seems to me that those who really bought into what the org taught, in other words, tried to be a "good little jw", have a harder time when they discover it's all crap as compared to those who perhaps were "fringe" jw's or those who were living a "double life" or had doubts for a while.

My ex and I left the org at the same time. He had been having doubts for a while and had been perusing jwd four years before he left. He also had a more "normal" time as a teenager as he lived a "double life". I, on the other hand, did the good little jw thing and found it to be an utter disillusioning experience when the house of cards fell apart.

What do you think? Does it matter how tied in you were to the beliefs? Did it affect the level of healing you needed on leaving?

tall penguin

John Doe

I was raised in, and bought into it hook, line, and sinker. My dad was a smart man, and I admired him. Took me a while to learn that just because he was smart did not mean he always made intelligent decisions. Once I realized that, I allowed myself to question his religious beliefs more, and hence my own.

I'm not sure religions is something you "get over." Instead, I think it is a part of what makes you who you are. Simply because you are not the person you might have been in a different environment does not mean you have anything to get over. All of us, however, have much work to do in understanding who we are and why choose the beliefs we do and why we determine to live our lives in certain ways. Such work is not limited to jdubs.

Junction-Guy

Well from what I have seen, those who had just enough freedom from their parents to live a double life seem to have had it much better.

I was always a doubter, so my Dad always seemed to be more strict with me, and never ever valued my opinion.

I tend to think that more genuine type people have it harder to escape the after effects of a JW childhood. Those who drank,partied, had illicit sex during their JW youth dont quite seem to be as bothered by it all.

changeling

Certainly the deeper and longer you are in, the harder and longer the healing process.

changeling

JWdaughter

I think the true believers have a tougher time of it generally. I think though, that no matter how much you believe, that your life can be adversely affected to a huge degree if you are DF'd and loved ones shun you.

For the true believers to feel comfortable in another church may be more difficult-or to have or express faith at all. I was a religion hopper until I gave up religion for Lent. Well, that was about the timing, anyway! Once I got over the early total acceptance of certain 'facts', and allowed myself to question even God, it was as if a huge burden had been lifted. Until then, I was constantly trying to make religion work for me (in my head). It never could, and it went so far beyond the JW thing, but because of the JW thing, I was wary of even THINKING of agnosticism or (god forbid:) ) atheism, because then I would really be doing what the WT said: Rejecting God. I am not though. I am questioning god and the human experience of god as a part of our lives. 30 years later-thats how long it took me to REALLY question my core religious beliefs-realizing that I never really went to the beginning of the religious experience, just took what I thought was non-negotiable and worked out from there. Then I realized that it was ALL negotiable, and the only negotiating was in my head anyway.

I totally bought into it, now I took it all back, got my refund and decided I don't need to shop.

jaguarbass

I think it matters if you bought in, yes.

If you believe there is a tooth fairy, santa clause and God all your life and dont find out till your 30, you will be more screwed up than somebody who had loving parents who told them when they were 3 that these things were all baloney.

Some people want answers to unaswerable questions. Some people want to live forever.

Either way you were brought up, I think if you reflect on life you will find it is all bullshxt.

Everybody lies to everybody. Religion lies, Government lies, business lies.

Lies make the world go round.

ex-nj-jw

I think it matters significantly.

I think those who were born and raised in, were good little dub kids and stayed in for a good part of their adult life have a much harder time adjusting to life outside of the Jdubs.

I think those who like me were raised in, but never got into it and were able to get out at a young age and did not invest a huge part of their adult life in it had a much easier time adjusting to real life.

I dont' think it matters if you bought into it or not, disfellowshiping, shunning and the truama of gett'n out is hard for anyone.

just my 2 pennies

nj

Madame Quixote

It's too subjective a question.

People brought up in a damaging way suffer.

Period.

And you can't measure their pain by looking at them or talking to them, especially in those who don't recognize it themselves.

That's because there are so many forms of denial, and much denial is necessary to survival in many such cases.

BTW, not buying into it can bring as much suffering as buying in, especially when you're still a minor and have been on both sides of that cult wall.

worldtraveller

Is your marraige dissolution the result of leaving the cult? If so , why?

yknot

Yes I think it does. BRCI.org, who helps ex-JWs has this to say on the matter:

Many people leave the Watchtower organization each year for various reasons. Some who leave for religious reasons, because they believe that Watchtower teachings are not in harmony with either the Bible or the spirit of Christianity, have a much more difficult time adjusting than those who leave for other reasons. They are deeply religious and want to please God, but they are confused because they had accepted the authority of a religious organization which teaches things they cannot reconcile with the Scriptures.

We are the where do we go....crowd. I know that I have had many, many, many conversation with my mom, sister, brother, and other who have been witness for decades, if not a lifetime. Since there are no other comparable religions to defect to....the WTBS has successfully made the unchallenged arguement that they are the one "true" religion for most would be ex Witnesses.

When we were younger we had a saying: Once a JW kid, always a JW kid. Unfortunately this has proven to be true if pressed in conversation. I know an Atheist who still mentally reverts. Baptists who change the meanings of the sermons to fit a non-trinitarian views, while worshipping. Those who cry themselves silly and get depressed because they put up a X-mas tree and can't rid themselves of the knowledge of pagan origin and guilt.

We just need a replacement religion that rejects trinity, immortality, hell, etc etc but knows the difference between doctrine and discernment and understands love, forgiveness, charity and good will. Does anyone know how to do this on an international level?

Does it matter whether you bought into it?

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